


All's Fair in Love and Stuff

by Useless19



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF, X-Ray & Vav (Cartoon)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Canon-Typical Violence, Enemies to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Light BDSM, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-05-29 10:11:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 42,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15070910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Useless19/pseuds/Useless19
Summary: In which Vav believes there’s good in everyone, the Mad King falls for his own plot, and X-Ray just doesn’t want to know.





	1. in which we’re introduced to most people of note

**Author's Note:**

> With huge thanks to the ever wonderful [futureboy](http://futureboy.tumblr.com/) for beta-ing.
> 
> Takes place a few months after the events of season 2. Updates weekly.

The institute was cold. The stones making the walls were badly fitted so icy wind whistled through the echoing halls. It had once been a sunny manor house, but the second the documents changing it into a mental institute were signed, it transformed into a dank, dreary, den of iniquity.

The stamp left behind ink that was the colour of dried blood, staining the paperwork, as the judge delivered their verdict.

“It is my belief that patient six has nothing more to learn from being imprisoned here at the asylum,” they declared. “The patient is free to re-enter society and show the rest of the world the progress he has made here.”

“I still think this is a bad idea,” Dr. Goodman whispered to her colleague, as they watched the proceedings together from the far side of the room.

“Hey, if he doesn’t murder someone or do anything supervillain-y within the next month we get a bonus,” he whispered back. “He was costing us a fortune in guards until he decided to stop killing them off.”

“That’s just it, _he_ decided. Just like _he_ decided to have a breakthrough in every single therapy session for the past two weeks,” Dr. Goodman hissed. “Progress is never all forward in cases like these. He’s planning something.”

“Relax, even if he does do something, those superheroes will sort it out.”

Dr. Goodman just shook her head.

There was a soft _click_ as the guard unlocked the manacles on the prisoner’s wrists and ankles. The prisoner touched the reddened mark on one wrist and a smile crept over his face.

“Patient six, you are free to go,” the judge said, handing over half the papers they’d been stamping.

The Mad King’s smile only widened. “You have my gratitude.”

The exit proceedings were quick. The institute had taken good care of the Mad King’s clothing while he’d been incarcerated. Which is more than could be said for the cell he’d been trapped in. Perhaps blood was harder to get out of stonework than cloth, but he wouldn’t know — that was for peasants to worry over.

Now presentable for society, with a schedule of future therapy appointments, and a firm handshake from the judge, the Mad King was free.

He barely managed to get a dozen steps out of the front gates before the urge to cackle maniacally overtook him.

_The fools_.

“Phase one, complete. Now for phase two: Destroy X-Ray and Vav!”

 

* * *

 

“Look, I’m just saying that if you took into account the software limitations of the time, Lara Croft is the hottest gaming icon in existence,” X-Ray argued.

“Yeah, but, that's not my point,” Vav said, “looking at it _now_ she’s all polygons and —”

“ _Help!_ ”

The cry came from an alley. X-Ray and Vav jumped into position, ready to confront the threat like a good pair of heroes.

An engine revved in the darkness. A light suddenly turned on, blinding them.

“What the —” Vav started.

“Surprise, motherfuckers!”

A motorbike shot past them; missing Vav by a hair’s breadth. He could just make out a handbag clutched in the rider’s hand. There was a woman left behind in the alley, coughing on a cloud of exhaust fumes.

“Give that back!” Vav shouted after the bike, “That’s stolen property!”

The biker didn’t stop. The motorbike ricocheted off a dustbin and straight up the side of a block of flats.

“Ok, that's just physically impossible,” X-Ray complained.

“We’ve got to stop him!” Vav said, shaking X-Ray. “My slow mo can’t reach that high, you’ll have to shoot him down.”

“Fine,” X-Ray sighed, before adding in a mutter: “not like we're getting medals for it or anything.”

“X-Ray!”

X-Ray aimed his glasses and took a shot. He missed the biker, but hit a section of building just above him. Whatever gravity-defying properties the bike had, they weren’t enough to avoid the chunks of falling debris.

The biker fell to the ground, bike and handbag and all. He gave a low groan, but otherwise didn’t move.

X-Ray dusted his hands off. “My work here is done.”

Vav fished the handbag out of the wreckage and held it out to the victim. “Here you go, miss.”

She snatched it back and walked off without a word. Vav hoped she was late for something, because there was no need to be so rude otherwise.

“You’re welcome!” X-Ray shouted after her.

Vav handcuffed the biker to the twisted remains of his bike. He wouldn’t be able to get out of that, right?

“Hurry up, that’s enough,” X-Ray said impatiently, “…anyway, like I was saying, you've got to consider the remakes and —”

“Bloody hell, is that —” Vav interrupted, spotting someone.

“— the Mad King! We need to stop him!” X-Ray finished, leaping into action.

Vav grabbed X-Ray’s cape to stop him from jumping into the road during rush hour. The Mad King was sauntering down the other side of the street, dressed fully in his supervillain garb — though missing his crown, which Vav found odd.

The lights at the crossroads down the road turned red and X-Ray sprinted across the middle of the road, dodging stopped cars. Vav jogged after, giving ‘thank you’ waves to the cars he cut in front of.

The Mad King saw them coming, stopped, and waited for them to catch up.

“Good evening, X-Ray. Vav,” the Mad King said politely, nodding to each of them.

“What are you up to?” X-Ray demanded.

“Merely dinner,” the Mad King replied, “You’re welcome to join me if it will ease your minds.”

“Yeah, right. It’s a trap, Vav,” X-Ray said.

“It’s pretty obvious, X-Ray,” Vav agreed.

“Then feel free to leave me alone to do whatever I please,” the Mad King said, turning away. The crossing light lit up green and Vav nearly lost the Mad King and X-Ray in the rush of people making their way across the street.

“Hey! We're arresting your ass!” X-Ray shouted after the Mad King.

“For what crime?” the Mad King asked, slowing his pace to let the superheroes catch up again. He smirked when they reached the pavement. “You'll find my record’s clear and I'm not currently breaking the law.”

Vav grabbed X-Ray's shoulders to hold him back from attack. “If he's telling the truth we can't do anything, X-Ray.”

“I can think of _plenty,_ ” X-Ray said darkly, punching his fist into his other hand.

“X-Ray, no,” Vav said, “We're heroes, not thugs.” He turned to the Mad King, who had been watching the discussion intently, “You swear you're on the up and up?”

“Absolutely.”

“Then we're going with you,” Vav decided. He didn’t feel like it was right to leave something so uncertain alone, even as he could feel an invisible noose tightening around his neck as the Mad King took them to a restaurant.

The restaurant was way swankier than anything Vav would’ve chosen himself. The lighting was soft, the waiters were posh, and the tablecloths were intricately embroidered. Every table was full, mostly couples talking quietly amidst the gentle clink of cutlery and wine glasses. For the first time ever, Vav felt out of place in his superhero suit.

“Table for three,” the Mad King told the waiter at the desk.

“Do you have a reservation?” the waiter asked, not looking up from his appointment book.

“No,” the Mad King said calmly.

“See, this was a waste of time,” X-Ray huffed, folding his arms and glaring at the back of the Mad King’s head.

“Maybe we can find somewhere else,” Vav suggested.

“No need,” the Mad King assured them, “do you know who owns this restaurant?”

Vav and X-Ray looked at each other. “Uhh…”

The waiter finally looked up and the colour drained from his face. “Forgive me, sir, I didn’t realise —”

“That will do,” the Mad King held up a hand to stem the flow of words, “Your finest table and a bottle of the house red to start with.”

“Of course, sir. Right this way, sir.” The waiter took off through the sea of tables.

“ _Of course, sir_ ,” X-Ray mimicked darkly, “we’d better watch what we eat, Vav.”

“And miss a chance to try fancy food? It’s been ages since I had something other than microwave meals or whatever slop Rusty dug out of a dustbin. Your mum hasn't cooked for us in weeks either.”

The plates of food they were walking past were already making Vav’s mouth water. X-Ray's nose was twitching too.

“Alright, fine, we’ll eat the food,” he said. “Just don’t come crying to me when we wind up dead.”

“Your table, sir,” the waiter gave a flourish at an extravagant table, “I’ll see to the wine.”

“Good,” the Mad King took a seat and gestured for Vav and X-Ray to sit across from him, “I do hope you like it here.”

Vav watched the waiter scurry away and frowned as suspicion niggled him. “Did you plan this?” he asked.

“I wasn’t opposed to the idea when it presented itself,” the Mad King said, his perpetual grin was making him difficult to read.

“See, trap, just like I said,” X-Ray said from behind a menu. “There aren’t any prices, Vav,” he hissed.

Vav gulped. He’d been told once that if you had to ask for the price you couldn’t afford it. Mad King-owned restaurant or not, running out on the bill didn’t sit right with Vav. Time to have salad and water and hope it wouldn’t put too big a dent in his wallet.

“It’s my treat, gentlemen,” the Mad King said. His hearing must be better than Vav had thought.

“Yeah right,” X-Ray scoffed, “You’re going to demand something crazy in return aren’t you.”

“My release was conditional on me righting the wrongs I’ve made. Making apologies to those I’ve harmed.” The Mad King held out his glass, and the waiter appeared out of nowhere to fill it with a dark red wine that reminded Vav of blood. “Consider this a start towards the damage I did to the both of you.”

“We should give him a chance, X-Ray,” Vav said, leaning to the side to let the waiter pour his wine too, “Everyone deserves a second chance to prove they’ve learnt from their mistakes.”

“Mistakes?” X-Ray slammed down the menu. “Vav, he dropped me in boiling lava!”

“It was only jelly,” Vav reminded him, “And he apologised.”

“No, this is the mistake.” X-Ray got up and waved a finger at the Mad King. “I don’t know what your plan is, but I’m not going to do anything other than foil it. C’mon, Vav.”

“X-Ray…”

X-Ray stormed off. Vav hesitated for a second, before running after.

“X-Ray!” Vav caught up at the restaurant entrance and grabbed X-Ray's cape to stop him walking out. “Wait up. Hold on.”

X-Ray stopped and frowned at Vav, arms folded. “What?”

“I don't think we should leave it at that,” Vav said.

“You want to _stay?_ ”

Vav shrugged awkwardly. “Do you want to let him run ‘round without keeping an eye on him?”

“Hey, if something comes up we'll deal with it,” X-Ray said determinedly, “I don't care what a criminal's doing otherwise.”

“Well I'm going to stay,” Vav decided.

“I'm not too big to say 'I told you so’ when it all goes to hell,” X-Ray warned.

“I'll be fine,” Vav said. He paused: “we're good though, right?”

X-Ray looked surprised, but definitely pleased that Vav had asked. “Yeah, no one's going to break our friendship up again.”

Happy with the confirmation, Vav waved goodbye to X-Ray and headed back into the restaurant.

The Mad King tilted his head curiously at Vav. “You came back?”

“A free meal’s a free meal,” Vav said, “And, y’know, I'd like to make sure you really aren't planning anything.”

“I hope you can trust me one day,” the Mad King said, sipping his wine. It still looked like blood in the low gloom. Vav gulped and quickly opened his menu.

Sadly, the dishes hadn't gained price tags in his absence. Vav wasn’t used to eating out regularly, so he wasn’t sure which meal would be cheapest. He didn’t want to wind up too in-debt to the Mad King.

“Are you ready to order, sirs?” The waiter had reappeared silently.

“I’ll have the _blanquette de veau_ ,” the Mad King said, closing his menu with a _snap_.

“An excellent choice. And for you, sir?”

“Uh…” Vav scanned the menu as quickly as he could, “I’ll have… uh…” there were a lot of things he didn’t recognise, “How about… can I have the lasagne al… uh…”

“ _Lasagne alla marchigiana_ ,” the waiter supplied effortlessly, “Of course, sir.”

Vav slouched in his chair as the waiter rearranged cutlery and took the menus away.

“A good choice,” the Mad King said.

“Was it?” Vav slumped further in embarrassment. “I just picked something I knew. Lasagne’s lasagne, innit?”

The Mad King chuckled, the malevolent sound reminding Vav that he was here to keep an eye on a supervillain, not to make a fool of himself over fancy food.

“So… er…” Vav cast about for a topic of conversation to get away from his discomfort, “What’s the ‘R’ stand for?”

The Mad King tilted his head as a slow smile spread across his face. Vav squirmed in his seat, but refused to be the first to look away or break the silence.

“You don’t know what my real name is, do you,” the Mad King finally said, much more a statement than question.

“Ah.” Vav felt stupid. Again. “I suppose no one’s naming their kiddies ‘Mad King’.”

“It’s not very popular,” the Mad King said. He was clearly enjoying Vav’s awkwardness. “You have a secret identity too, don’t you?”

“Well, yeah, but I’m a superhero,” Vav said, “I’m meant to.”

“Perhaps you’ll trust me enough to let me know your real name one day,” the Mad King said, “as I might trust you with mine.”

“Really?”

“Or you could look up Monarch Labs’ annual expenses reports and find mine from there. While I could do a search within City Hall for superhero permits for yours,” the Mad King continued.

“You’d do that!?” Vav yelped. X-Ray had told him that filing that paperwork was a bad idea. Vav hadn't listened, and now it was coming back to bite him.

X-Ray was going to enjoy saying ‘I told you so’.

“I _could_ …” the Mad King said, drawing out the word until Vav started to sweat, “but I find I rather enjoy the theatrics of the masquerade.”

“Yeah,” Vav let out a sigh of relief, “it’s gotten to the point that it’d be weird if anyone called me anything other than ‘Vav’. I can’t picture calling X-Ray anything else either.”

The waiter reappeared with two plates of extremely pretentious-looking food. Vav could see at least three kinds of garnish and all the portions were sculpted into towers in a feat of impossible engineering.

“That was quick,” Vav commented.

“It doesn't do to keep people of importance waiting,” the waiter said, sliding the plates into the table with more graceful elegance than Vav could ever hope to master.

Vav frowned after him as he left. “What do you think he means by that?”

“That the restaurant fears reprisal if they offend the owner, whereas common everyday people can be made to wait without worry,” the Mad King gestured at Vav with his knife, “dig in.”

“So you're saying that we've got someone else’s dinner?” Vav said.

“Most likely.”

“That's really not on,” Vav pushed his plate away.

The Mad King stopped with a forkful of rice halfway to his mouth. “Do you _want_ to wait?”

Vav's stomach chose that moment to rumble. He wrapped his arms around his midsection to muffle the sound, but the Mad King was already grinning.

“They won't have to wait long. I promise that,” he said, “And if they complain, I'll deal with it personally.”

“Personally like compensation, or personally like killing?” Vav asked warily.

“Compensation, of course,” the Mad King said, “Though it is good to make sure I have the right end of the stick. I wouldn't want to do wrong without realising and find myself villainised again for a simple mistake.”

“A simple mistake?” Vav echoed, “Killing’s not a _mistake_.”

“It is when it's unintentional,” the Mad King said calmly.

A thought hit Vav. “Were you actually properly released from the institute? Or did you escape again?”

“They declared me sane and no longer a threat to society,” the Mad King reassured him, “I have the papers to prove it.”

Vav hesitated, but he had to ask. He couldn't just take a (former?) supervillain at his word. “Can I see them?”

The Mad King reached into the inside of his jacket and produced a set of folded papers. The fine print was a little too legalese-heavy for Vav to fully understand, but the big, red 'sane’ stamp looked legit.

“Thanks,” Vav said, passing them back, before awkwardly adding, “I'm glad you're actually doing better and you weren't lying.”

“I’d like you to be able to trust me completely, one day,” the Mad King said.

“Yeah.” Vav scratched the back of his neck. “So, why are you keeping those papers on you?”

“Aside from being the safest place I know, it's for moments exactly like this,” the Mad King replied, “I was concerned that peasants — excuse me, _civilians_ — might take exception to my freedom, as would you and X-Ray — if I just so happened to run into you.”

He hadn't stopped smiling throughout the entire conversation so far; it was beginning to unnerve Vav. However, a hero couldn't _not_ talk to someone just because they were kind of unsettling.

“Right.”

Conversation was stilted through the rest of the meal, but far less awkward than Vav had feared it would be. The food was delicious, the pudding that followed even more so, which helped immensely when Vav ran out of things to discuss — he could just compliment the food to kick-start things again.

“Well, that was actually pretty top,” Vav said, once the Mad King had paid and they’d gotten outside, “Cheers.”

“My pleasure, Vav,” the Mad King replied, “Would you let me walk you home?”

“Er, what?” Vav took a step back, “I’m good, thanks.”

“I already know where you live if that’s your concern,” the Mad King said, closing the distance again.

“And _that's_ not worrying at all,” Vav rolled his eyes. “It’s just that I’m the superhero here. I don’t need protecting.”

“In that case maybe you’d like to walk me home?” the Mad King suggested, “To help ease your concern that I might do something evil on the way.”

“I wasn’t concerned until you said that,” Vav looked up and down the road. Unfortunately crime in the vicinity had taken a night off, so there wasn’t a convenient mugging to rush off to and avoid the whole situation. “Alright, then.”

“Excellent.”

Feeling like he’d been manipulated somehow, Vav fell into step beside the Mad King. Well, if it turned out he was being led off to be murdered, at least X-Ray could say ‘I told you so’ at Vav’s funeral.

The evening air was clear and brisk. Vav rubbed his hands together, wishing he had pockets to put them in. Whatever circuitry that made the slow mo work wasn’t insulated and pocket dimension or not, it would look weird walking around with his hands in his pants.

“Let me ask you a personal question, Vav,” the Mad King said, “Why did you become a superhero?”

“Because it's the good thing to do. It's all about helping others,” Vav replied immediately, “I like helping people.”

“It makes you feel good about yourself?” the Mad King pressed.

“I guess,” Vav shrugged, “But it's not about me, it's about everyone else. I don't care if I'm remembered by history, as long as I made some peoples’ lives better because I was there to help.”

They crossed a road, the Mad King uncharacteristically quiet. Vav rubbed his hands together again.

“So whereabouts do you live?” Vav asked.

“Hmm?” the Mad King started slightly, obviously lost in his own thoughts, “I own an apartment a few blocks away. On Achieveland Street.”

“Right,” Vav fell silent and chafed his arms.

He still wasn’t sure if this was something he should be doing, the Mad King clearly wasn’t up to anything tonight — unless this was a clever double bluff. Vav’s feet kept him in pace with the Mad King while his brain wrestled with itself.

If there was an opening to leave, Vav decided he would take it. Otherwise he might as well stay for now.

“You’re a strange one, Vav,” the Mad King finally said, “I doubt there’s a single person in the world who could say they live selflessly and actually mean it. Yet I genuinely believe you want to help.”

“I do,” Vav said, “It’s stranger to me that people _don’t_ want to help, y’know?”

“It must be a strain on your relationship with X-Ray,” the Mad King began.

Vav stopped. “No. You’re not going to stop me being his mate again. At least X-Ray helps people, even if he’s not doing it purely for justice.”

“I told you, I’m trying to right the wrongs I’ve made,” the Mad King gave Vav a bemused look, “My apology would hardly be sincere if I hurt the two of you in _exactly_ the same way as I did last time.”

“…alright then,” Vav said.

They resumed walking.

“I find it fascinating to hear how others think,” the Mad King said after several more minutes of silence, “And how they determine their actions based on that.”

“So why all the evil and killing?” Vav blurted out before he could catch his tongue.

“Because I could,” the Mad King answered simply, “Have you never done something just because you _can?_ ”

“Nothing like that!” Vav said hotly.

“But there was something?” the Mad King guessed, perpetual grin widening, “Do tell.”

Vav felt his face heat up. “I was just a kid! And she didn’t close the curtains!”

He'd not done anything more than look, but he still felt guilty about it from time to time.

The Mad King laughed. Still the maniacal chuckle that sent a shiver up Vav’s spine, but somehow less ominous. Maybe it was just the lack of dangerous machinery and the city not being at risk.

“Anyway, just because you can, doesn’t mean you should,” Vav said, still fighting his blush, “There are laws for a reason.”

“So the psychiatrists at the institute kept telling me,” the Mad King said, “I’ve always had a problem with empathy — a complete lack of it, if you will — so it was hard to understand why laws were so important, when they appeared to only be preventing me from achieving what I wanted.”

“But you’re not going to do anything illegal, right?” Vav confirmed.

“Of course not. The institute was unpleasant. I have no wish to be sent there again, so I’m taking my new freedom to make a fresh start,” the Mad King replied.

“Good,” Vav smiled.

“Though help would be appreciated from our city’s finest hero,” the Mad King said, fixing Vav with a smile that didn’t look quite as deranged as normal.

“You mean me?”

“Of course. I trust you to do the right thing, Vav.”

“I’m happy to help anyone,” Vav said determinedly, “That’s what being a hero’s all about.”

The continued walking. There were a few other people about, most staring at Vav’s uniform out of the corner of their eyes. The exercise was starting to warm Vav up a little, at least.

They passed a couple walking the opposite direction. The Mad King exchanged nods with the man. Vav stared after the couple, trying to place him.

“Is that one of your henchmen?” Vav finally asked.

“No, that’s Murderin’ Freyco,” the Mad King replied, glancing back at the couple, “I’ve only hired him once before.”

Vav stopped, turning around to watch the couple duck into an alley. “He’s not going to murder her, is he?”

“It’s very likely,” the Mad King shrugged one shoulder, “he had his killing knife tucked into his belt.”

“What?!” Vav yelped. “We have to help!”

“Don’t worry, Freyco’s a pro,” the Mad King said reassuringly.

Vav was lost for words. Something on his face must’ve gotten through however, as the Mad King frowned after the couple for a long moment before understanding lit up his face.

“Oh! You mean help the victim?” he clarified.

Vav had already started running. “Yes!”

Freyco had pushed his victim against the wall and had one hand against her throat by the time Vav arrived at the alley entrance.

“Get away from her!” Vav shouted.

“Is that Mogar?” the woman gasped delightedly.

“Mogar!” Freyco whipped round. The fear on his face vanished when he spotted Vav. “Just one of those costumed crazies,” he scoffed.

“Oh,” the woman's shoulders drooped with disappointment, “I guess I'm getting murdered after all.”

“Unhand her,” Vav demanded, trying to get his stride back, “or you'll regret it.”

Freyco laughed. “You think you can stop us?”

“Correct me if I'm wrong, Vav, but isn't this the part where we bring the criminal to —” the Mad King produced a switchblade knife from nowhere and flicked it open, “— justice?”

“With a knife?!” Vav yelped.

The Mad King made the knife vanish again. “Apparently not.”

Vav stepped forward and raised his hands to point at Freyco.

“Stand back,” Vav ordered, “I'm only going to give you one warning. Let the civilian go and drop the knife.”

“I suggest doing as he says,” the Mad King said smoothly, “we don't want things to get _unpleasant_ , now do we.”

“ _Two_ can play at this game,” Freyco said, an odd echoey quality to his voice.

Then before Vav’s eyes, he blurred and split into two people. One was white, even to the tips of his hair, while the other was darker. They still looked like pallet swaps of each other.

“I'll get the pale one,” Vav said, “you get the… uh…”

“Ethnic one?” the Mad King supplied, amused.

“Yeah.” It was probably as good as Vav was going to get.

White Freyco lunged at Vav, rusty knife outstretched. Vav yelped and ducked. Unfortunately, letting off a slow mo shot in a mess this chaotic could catch the Mad King and give Ethnic Freyco an opening.

“Is that all you got?” White Freyco taunted, “No wonder you got the 'worst hero in the city’ title last week.”

Vav aimed a kick at White Freyco’s chest. White Freyco caught Vav’s ankle and used it to slam Vav into a dustbin.

“Right where you belong, in with the garbo.”

White Freyco tried to stab Vav, but slipped on a bouncy ball that had fallen out of the dustbin. Vav managed to land a punch right in the middle of White Freyco’s chest.

“At least my best friend isn't literally myself,” Vav shot back.

White Freyco stabbed at Vav again, this time slicing through his logo. Vav got lucky with an elbow flail and knocked the knife to the grough, skittering across the alley.

White Freyco chased after the knife, snatching it up faster than Vav thought humanly possible. However, that put White Freyco against a wall. There was no chance of catching anyone else, so Vav unleashed his slow mo right in White Freyco's pasty face.

White Freyco ground to a halt, a fierce snarl creeping across his mouth at the speed of a snail. Vav looked over his shoulder to see the Mad King pinning Ethnic Freyco to the ground.

“You’re finished,” Vav said, glad of the pause to get his breath back.

It was a little strange to not have laser blast marks scorched into the ground. A lot tidier, admittedly, but it didn't make up for X-Ray not being by Vav's side while justice was served.

A bit of finagling later — including the Mad King fishing two sets of handcuff out of Vav's over-undies with a leer while Vav tried to focus on keeping both halves of Murderin’ Freyco under his slow mo influence — the murderers were bound to a lamppost and left for the police to deal with.

“You pulled a knife on him — them,” Vav said, once they’d put a block between them and the criminals.

“And you made me realise that was inappropriate in that situation,” the Mad King said, “Thank you, Vav.”

His genuine smile flustered Vav.

“Anytime,” Vav said instinctively.

“It means a lot to me,” the Mad King continued, “that despite our past, you're willing to correct my mistakes without villainising me for making them.”

“Well, y’know, it'd be better if you didn't make them at all,” Vav shrugged, uncomfortable all of a sudden.

The Mad King looked at Vav, his expression considering. “I'll try harder in future. Shall we continue on our way?”

Vav nodded, not trusting himself to talk. Had he put his foot in his mouth? What exactly was the protocol for reprimanding a (former?) supervillain who obviously had a lot of issues standing between him and regular-person society?

The chill in the air had come back, making things a bit nippy. Vav gave up on pretense and stuffed his hands in his over-undies to keep them warm. The Mad King was in enough layers that he was probably fine — except his knees, though Vav didn’t want to ask about it either way.

They crossed a road into the rich side of town. The Mad King stopped walking. Vav got several strides further before he noticed.

“This is it,” the Mad King said when Vav had retraced his steps.

“You live here? I was expecting… well, an evil lair with lasers and stuff,” Vav admitted, gazing up at the building that was too tall for him to see the top of from this angle. It looked very fancy. “This seems a bit posh.”

“CEOs make quite a bit of money,” the Mad King explained, “Monarch Labs is still under my control.”

“Oh, yeah. Right.”

“I don’t believe heroism pays well,” the Mad King continued, “You could work for me. I’m sure I could find… _something_ for you to do.”

There was a lot of insinuation in that one word that Vav didn’t want to even think about. He shook his head. “I’m fine, thanks.”

“Well, if you won’t accept that,” the Mad King took a step closer, then another, pushing his way into Vav’s personal space, “let me thank you for this evening in some other way.”

“That’s really not necess—”

Before Vav even knew what had happened, the Mad King had slid his hands under Vav’s arms and behind his back. From there Vav blinked and found himself leant backwards, supported almost entirely by the Mad King.

“Err…” Vav began.

The Mad King silenced him by pressing his mouth to Vav’s.

It took Vav a panicked couple of seconds to realise that he was being kissed. Then a panicked moment more when he realised if he pulled away suddenly he would likely end up cracking his head on the pavement. He clutched the Mad King's jacket and hoped it would end soon.

It felt like eternity before the Mad King pulled back then stood Vav upright.

“Goodnight, Vav,” the Mad King said calmly, as though the past ten seconds hadn’t actually happened.

“ _What the flip?!_ ” Vav yelped.

The Mad King was already heading inside. “I’ll see you later.”

“What. The. _Flip!?_ ”

The Mad King vanished into the building, leaving Vav stunned on the pavement outside.

Well, that hadn't gone entirely how he'd expected it to.

 

* * *

 

_That had gone perfectly._

 

* * *

 

“Wow. I didn't expect you to come home tonight,” X-Ray commented as Vav let himself into their basement through the window.

“What do you mean?” Vav said, a note of panic in his voice.

X-Ray paused his game and looked up at his friend. Vav was twisting his cape, the picture of nervousness.

“Well, did the Mad King try anything?” X-Ray asked.

“What makes you say that?” Vav fisted his cape so hard X-Ray thought he was going to tear it.

“Because he's evil and probably wants revenge on us for defeating him twice?” X-Ray said. “Why are you acting so suspiciously?”

“I'm not acting suspicious,” Vav snapped, “You're acting suspicious.”

The urge to shout back and get into an argument was strong, but X-Ray had spent the past few hours telling himself over and over that he wasn't going to split up with Vav. That's what the Mad King wanted.

“Vav, chill. I'm just asking.”

Vav slumped, the fight leaving him. He walked slowly over to the sofa and sank down next to X-Ray.

“I think the Mad King might be…” Vav curled up, and finished very quietly, “ _interested_ in me.”

“Interested like…?”

“Like… romantically.”

“What?” X-Ray couldn't have heard that right, “what did he do? Kiss you?”

Vav stayed silent.

“He did?!” X-Ray stared at Vav, who was turning red. He laughed. “You're shitting me.”

Vav buried his hand in his hands and let out a pitiful noise.

It just wasn’t fair. “Man, why is everyone in this city immune to my Puerto Rican charm?”

“X-Ray!” Vav yelped, though he didn't raise his head so his voice came out muffled.

“What? I just want to know why everyone goes for you when I'm on the market!”

Vav groaned and grabbed his hair in tight fistfuls. “What am I meant to do?”

“Hope he loses interest?” X-Ray shrugged. Then he grinned at Vav, “unless you're interested back?”

“What? No!” Vav glared and X-Ray burst into laughter. “Sometimes you're a right prat, X-Ray.”

“It could be a good way to find out his evil plans,” X-Ray suggested, starting up his game again.

“I'm not whoring myself out!” Vav said, outraged, “I'll talk to him next time. Let him down gently.”

“Meh, whatever,” X-Ray said, already focused on shooting bad guys.


	2. in which X-Ray and Vav are heroes and the Mad King makes a move

The day was sunny, the birds were singing, and the bank was being held up.

All in all, a pretty good day for a couple of superheroes looking for something to do.

“Stop! Thief!”

“Keep calm, citizens, your heroes are here to protect justice!” Vav announced to the bank at large.

X-Ray and Vav’s popularity had been variable in the past few months. Who knew that breaking into a kindergarten would cancel out saving the city from evil every few weeks? Anyway, that toddler totally had it coming, and X-Ray hated the fact that the general populace couldn’t see that.

Foiling a bank robbery should get them back in the city’s good books though. Unless it was a movie set. Again. They were still paying off the damages from the last time that had happened.

“In the back!” a terrified man in an expensive suit screamed, clutching the front of Vav's costume, “He’s after the safe! My money! You’ve got to save my money!”

X-Ray pressed a button on the side of his glasses and was treated to a pixelated view of the entire bank. A large group of people were huddled together near the safe door — something that even X-Ray’s x-ray glasses couldn’t penetrate. At least it looked like the bank robbers hadn’t gotten in either.

“Looks like a lot of them, Vav,” he reported, “We’re gonna have to use our ninja skills and sneak in undetected.”

“It was just one guy,” a teller interrupted. She gave the bank manager some tissues and patted him on the back soothingly, “he took hostages.”

“My money!” the bank manager sobbed.

“Hostages? We’ll have to be very careful, X-Ray,” Vav said.

X-Ray rolled his eyes. Vav was always a soft touch.

“Then I’ll take out the robber, and you deal with the hostages,” X-Ray said, “Let’s go!”

“X-Ray! Wait!” Vav grabbed his cape before he could run off. He turned to the teller. “Could you tell us anything else about him, miss?”

“He was dressed… loudly. You won’t be able to miss him.”

X-Ray took the lead and snuck downstairs. Vav was close on his heels, being just as stealthy. They were gonna ninja the shit out of this bank robber.

A voice echoed out.

“You'd better listen up, or I'll slit you good.  
Keep quiet and still and things’ll go as they should.  
I’m pulling this heist at the top of my game.  
And you'd all better know that Rimmy Tim's my name.  
My monster trucks are the best in the whole fucking town.  
So I defy anyone to try and take me down.”

X-Ray shared a raised-eyebrow look with Vav. Vav frowned.

“What the toss?”

X-Ray shrugged. “Are you really questioning why a bank robber’s a weirdo?”

“Guess not.”

They snuck closer. X-Ray peeked around the corner and saw a man in a hideous purple and orange outfit to one side of a group of terrified civilians. There were several remote-controlled toy trucks surrounding everyone.

And ok, they were some _seriously_ cool-looking toy trucks, but X-Ray had been around enough supervillains to know when something was gonna explode or fire lasers. _Especially_ if they were colour-coded to match said supervillain, as these ones were.

X-Ray turned back to Vav, pointed at him, walked his fingers from right to left, pointed at the villain, then made a kissy-face.

 _You should seduce him_.

Vav sharply shook his head, going red and glaring at X-Ray. He pointed up, pretended to army crawl, pointed down with both hands, then held his hands out to either side. Then he mimed taking him out with a long, complicated attack strategy.

_Not a chance! We get into the ceiling, drop down between the robber and the hostages, then take him out using plan C25, section 57Q._

X-Ray just pointed at the ceiling, where no convenient air vents were visible, and raised his eyebrows.

_And how's that gonna work?_

Vav frowned and started to indicate that they should find a badger and a pack of chips. X-Ray was done with Vav’s planning; time to do something stupid.

“This is taking too long!”

X-Ray jumped around the corner and fired a laser at the bank robber. Simple, efficient, effective. He could almost imagine the headlines now…

The robber ducked.

The laser hit the safe door and blasted a hole through it, leaving behind a cloud of dust.

“Shit,” said X-Ray.

“X-Ray!” Vav ran up behind him, “This wasn’t the plan! Stick to the plan!”

The safe door gave an ominous _creak_ . The robber stepped back just in time for the door to land with a _crash_ and another cloud of dust at his feet.

Rimmy Tim saluted X-Ray.

“Thanks for the door, that could've taken all day.  
Now here's my monster trucks to give you your pay!”

The remote-control trucks all spun to face X-Ray and Vav and revved their engines menacingly. X-Ray had never been afraid of something that was less than knee-high before.

X-Ray took a step to the left. Half the trucks eerily followed him.

“Uh, what was the plan again, Vav?” X-Ray asked.

At the sound of his voice, the trucks all produced pellet launchers and started spinning them up. This was gonna suck.

Behind them, Rimmy Tim was already inside the vault, filling his bag with stacks of cash without a care in the world.

The trucks started shooting. The pellets weren’t lethal, but they stung like a bitch. X-Ray dive-rolled away and crashed into a wall that totally hadn’t been there a second ago.

“Ow! Ow! Fuck! Ow!”

One truck revved its engine, then flung itself into X-Ray’s head. He quickly got up and tried to kick it in retaliation, but it danced away.

A wave of slow mo washed over the corridor and the trucks and hostages slowed to a crawl.

“Nice work, Vav,” X-Ray said, “I’m going in!”

“X-Ray! Wait! I can’t keep this up and move the civilians on my own!”

X-Ray shot a laser at a truck and missed. The next shot took it out. X-Ray lasered a bunch of trucks, leaving excruciatingly slowly smoking wrecks. “That should do you.”

Vav shouted something else, but X-Ray stepped into the vault and found it oddly muffled. Terrible acoustics.

Rimmy Tim was still throwing money and gold into a bag. Now X-Ray was closer, he noticed that the guy barely came up to his chin and the hair under his stupid cowboy hat was dyed to match the rest of his outfit. Took all sorts to make criminals.

And that would completely explain why X-Ray's shot missed — he was expecting someone normal sized. His hit ratio could stay intact.

“Time for your last payday!” X-Ray said, preparing to fire.

“Hey!” Rimmy Tim looked affronted that X-Ray had made it inside.  
“You're gonna completely regret getting past my trucks.  
Now it's way past time for me to fuck you up!”

“Just you and me and your terrible fashion sense,” X-Ray said.

“You're really saying that, dressed as you are?  
I've seen better taste in a fucking dive bar,” Rimmy Tim snorted.

“What’s wrong with green and black?”

“Well since you need ask, and Rimmy Tim's the best.  
I'll let you know it's easy to aim at that target on your chest.”

The sound of a hundred video games’ lock-on systems filled the vault. X-Ray looked down to see a vivid red crosshair centre on his logo.

“Well _fuck_ me.”

X-Ray threw himself to the side just in time to avoid a fucking _missile_ shot at him from the biggest remote control truck yet — it still only barely passed his knee. He rolled to his feet and shot the truck with a solid hit, leaving it a smoking wreck.

He turned back to Rimmy Tim only to find the vault empty. _Fuck_.

X-Ray ran out of the vault and straight into Rimmy Tim.

“Ow!” X-Ray rubbed his nose. “What the fuck?”

It looked like Vav had caught Rimmy Tim in his slow mo field. He was struggling with the effort of keeping everyone trapped, some of the trucks were twitching a bit faster than X-Ray was comfortable with.

“I had him,” X-Ray said, kicking one of the livelier trucks.

“We're a team, X-Ray,” Vav said, voice strained, “speaking of… help!”

“Yeah, yeah,” X-Ray sighed. Just _once_ it would be nice to have some solo heroics work out.

It still felt good to punch out the slowed down Rimmy Tim in his uncoordinated face.

The police were late on the scene, as usual. X-Ray had stomped all the trucks to pieces and Vav had given every hostage an encouraging pat on the back before the sirens could even be heard.

X-Ray dumped the tied up Rimmy Tim at the main door for the cops, while Vav did his ‘reassurement’ rounds in the bank’s foyer. X-Ray waited for him, not getting involved with it. Praise and gratitude were all great, but people sobbing in relief was something he’d rather avoid.

Eventually, Vav gestured at X-Ray to come over to where he was chatting with the bank manager. X-Ray bit back a sigh and resigned himself to having to do _some_ PR.

“Well, yes, I suppose a 'thank you’ is in order,” the bank manager said snootily once X-Ray was in earshot. He was looking much more important and put-together now his money wasn’t in danger.

“We’re just doing our job, sir,” said Vav cheerfully.

“A job that’s still worth a ‘thank you’,” X-Ray added.

“Well then, carry on,” the bank manager said.

“Yeah? Well f—”

Vav slapped his hand over X-Ray’s mouth and dragged him towards the exit.

“Thank you very much, sir, we’ll show ourselves out!” Vav said cheerily.

He didn’t let go of X-Ray until they were out the bank and ducked down a nearby alley.

“We’re never gonna get a reward for all our heroics if you keep letting people treat you like a doormat!” X-Ray exploded.

“We’re not going to get thanked at all if you keep swearing at people!” Vav shot back.

“I _was_ nice and polite, and he still didn’t properly thank us! I should’ve taken some of the money when I was in the vault.”

“ _X-Ray!_ ”

“Fine, fine, I wouldn’t steal,” X-Ray grumbled, “but _come on_ , if there was any douchebag who deserved it it would be that guy.”

X-Ray kicked the corner of a dumpster and swore when it turned out it was a lot harder than his foot. Stupid dumpster. Stupid bank manager. Stupid Vav and his stupid people skills.

“I’ve got an idea,” Vav said, once X-Ray had stopped hopping on one foot.

“Is it one of your crazy complicated plans?”

“What if I ask Ash to cover the story?” Vav asked, “She can get some quotes from us and she’d absolutely put us in a good light.”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” X-Ray said, brightening, “and we can totally get that bank manager slandered.”

“That wasn’t really what I meant…” Vav said. One look at X-Ray’s puppy-dog eyes made him change his mind, “...but if it makes you happy, I suppose I can ask her to do that?”

“Yes!” X-Ray pumped his fist in the air, “headlines here we come — and in a good way this time!”

 

* * *

 

X-Ray had barely flopped himself down on the sofa when the phone rang. Annoyingly, Vav was in the bathroom, so it was up to X-Ray to pick it up.

“X-Ray and Vav rescue hotline. What’s your emergency?” X-Ray answered. Crime was really up today — it was gonna be great for their image.

“Hello, X-Ray.” The Mad King sounded even more sinister over the phone, “May I speak to Vav?”

“No,” X-Ray said, and hung up.

The phone rang again. X-Ray pressed the answer button and wished he could remember how to block a number.

“Fuck off,” X-Ray snapped.

“ _Mijo_ , mind your language,” his Mom scolded, “your arch nemesis is calling for your polite friend.”

X-Ray sighed loudly. “Thanks, mom, put him through.” He waited until he heard the _click_ of the line switching. “Fuck off.”

“I'm hurt, X-Ray,” the Mad King laughed, “I'm a changed man now.”

“You can't fool me,” X-Ray said, “You've got some evil plan. I'm onto you.”

“While you're hurting your brain coming up with imaginary scenarios, I'd like to speak to Vav,” the Mad King said.

“Going to try seducing him again?” X-Ray said, annoyed.

“Why? Are you jealous?” the Mad King laughed again, “I'm sorry, X-Ray, but I prefer blue.”

“ _Urgh_.” X-Ray pulled the phone away from his ear and made a face at it. He heard the toilet flush and let out a relieved sigh.

“It's your boyfriend,” X-Ray said, tossing the phone to Vav as he came out of the bathroom.

“X-Ray!” Vav fumbled the phone.

“Why's no one interested in talking to me?” X-Ray complained.

“You could try not throwing phones at people,” Vav said. He cradled the phone to his ear. “Hello? Hey, Mad King… No, it was nice… Wait listen, I… What really? … You mean it? … Yeah, that sounds good…”

X-Ray tuned out the rest of the call, instead flicking through his games library for something full of mindless violence — he needed it after today. He'd just made a choice when Vav hung up the phone and set it back on the table.

“Soooo…” said X-Ray conversationally, putting the disc in his Xbox, “I didn't hear you say that you're dumping his supervillain ass.”

“It didn't come up,” Vav protested, blushing.

“ _Right_.”

“And it's bad form to be giving someone the boot over the phone, isn't it?” Vav continued, sounding a bit desperate.

“If you say so,” X-Ray shrugged, “so you're going to do it in person? Are you going on another date?”

“It's not a date,” Vav said, sounding very uncertain.

“If you say so,” X-Ray repeated.

He'd have to do some investigating without Vav to get to the bottom of the Mad King's plan. Maybe Hilda could help — she knew the Mad King better than anyone else.

“It's not a flipping date!”

 

* * *

 

The Mad King pulled up his car outside X-Ray's mother's house. Vav was already waiting on the sidewalk. He cast a nervous look behind him toward the house before trotting over.

X-Ray was glaring out of the basement window. The Mad King bit back the urge to taunt him; frustrating X-Ray at this point would only make persuading Vav harder.

Vav slid into the passenger side seat and buckled himself in. The Mad King gave him a (hopefully) benign smile and put his foot on the gas pedal.

“I'm looking forward to this evening,” the Mad King said.

“Yeah,” Vav said faintly. He was looking twitchy, gripping the handle of the door tightly.

That wouldn't do. The Mad King shifted gears as the car approached a crossroads and picked his words carefully.

“I apologise if I came on a bit strong last time we met,” the Mad King said, “However, you interest me, Vav. I’d like to spend more time with you.”

“A bit strong,” Vav echoed quietly. He shuffled further away as much as he could in his seat.

That wouldn't do at _all._

“I had hoped you'd be interested back, if only a little. I thought we had a good time,” the Mad King said, “why else did you agree to come out again?”

Vav hummed noncommittally. His fingers tapped nervously against his leg and his eyes were darting around outside the windows. The Mad King drummed his fingers on the wheel as he tried to find something to say that would ease the situation.

Manipulating people’s trust was _so_ much easier than this. The Mad King knew how to tear people apart and how to make them believe he was on their side, but trying to create a romantic relationship with a likely straight man was a whole different ball game.

Perhaps he’d overreached himself this time.

“It just surprised me, is all,” Vav said suddenly. He still wasn’t looking over at the Mad King.

“So you’d have prefered if I… what? Gave you a warning?” the Mad King asked.

“Or something,” Vav shrugged, “I didn’t even know you were into blokes.”

“Does that make a difference?”

“No,” Vav said quickly, “Just… I didn’t know to expect… it.”

The Mad King stopped at a red light and turned to face Vav. “Would it help if I promise not to kiss you without your permission?” he asked. That sounded about right.

Vav let out a long breath. “Yeah, that’d help.”

“Alright then.”

The lights turned green. The car moved forward.

The silence that descended was a little more comfortable than before, but just barely. The Mad King focused on driving and coming up with a new strategy. His plans were always adaptable, but changes always created setbacks.

“So, I’d’ve thought you’d have someone doing your driving for you,” Vav commented out of the blue, “rich CEO with a fancy flat in the posh end of town and all.”

“I often do,” the Mad King replied, “but I felt that might be impersonal for tonight.”

“Right,” Vav said, lapsing into uncomfortable silence again.

Vav was _trying_ , the Mad King realised. That was unexpected. Maybe the original plan wouldn’t have to be altered as much as he thought.

“If you like, you can drive on the way back,” the Mad King offered — it would also ensure Vav was still with him at the end of the date, “I'd love to see you in action.”

“I, uh, can’t drive,” Vav said, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly.

“You can’t?” the Mad King took a corner then glanced at Vav once he was on a straight road. _Perhaps there was an easy way to guarantee more time together_. “I could teach you.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I’d _like_ to teach you,” the Mad King insisted.

“…alright,” Vav gave a small smile, his first of the night. The Mad King returned it, inwardly crowing in triumph.

Personal gestures, that seemed to be the way to Vav’s heart. He would have to remember that.

“Have you been up to anything exciting since I last saw you?” the Mad King asked, “I recall reading a newspaper article about a foiled bank heist?”

“You saw that?” Vav perked up and began to regale the Mad King with a confused tale of heroics. It made the rest of the journey pass by much quicker and friendlier.

_Good._

The restaurant the Mad King had picked this time was lower class than his usual standards, yet Vav still gulped and gave his outfit a quick brush off when they stopped outside it, as though to tidy himself up.

“You look fine, Vav,” the Mad King assured him, “Very handsome — if that's not too forward of me.”

“Cheers,” Vav said, blushing a little, “Uh, you look nice too. Less evil and stuff, I guess.”

The Mad King had chosen a sweater and pants and no crown that evening, to appear less intimidating. It seemed to have had the desired effect. He held the door open for Vav, who blushed further. A gentlemanly approach was working well.

_Good to know._

The Mad King had made a reservation this time — no need to scare Vav off by having to intimidate the server in order to procure a table, as fun as that was last time — and they were soon seated at a cosy table with menus and a drinks.

…though maybe a close candlelit dinner was a bit much this early, if Vav’s nervous glances at the candelabra were any indication.

The service was at least efficient for a lower class place and small talk over menu choices and Diet Coke — Vav had frowned and gave the gentlest rebuke the Mad King had ever received when he initially ordered the house red like last time, if he was driving, he shouldn’t be drinking; he’d have to remember to follow laws better in future — helped settle Vav’s nerves. He was talking happily by the time they got their food, so the Mad King felt it was time to push again.

“Thank you for coming out with me on this date, Vav,” the Mad King said, “I do hope this is as enjoyable for you as it has been for me.”

“Uh, yeah,” Vav stammered.

“I'd like to see more of you, if I can,” the Mad King said, “in this kind of setting.”

“The thing is…” Vav took a deep breath and gave an awkward shrug, “I don’t think I’m interested in blokes. So it doesn’t really make sense to keep on with it, right?”

“Have you considered it before? Seriously considered it?” the Mad King pressed. “If you’re truly not interested I’ll back off and drop the subject, but I’d rather not miss out on this opportunity just because you've been pushed into a box by society.”

Vav squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. Here it was, the final nail in the coffin of phase two: _seduce Vav_. And it had been so enjoyable thus far. However, you couldn't change a person's fundamental nature. If Vav said he was only interested in women then there was nothing the Mad King could do.

“I don't know,” Vav said softly, looking down at the table.

_Oh?_

That was unexpected. But hardly unwelcome. The Mad King grinned triumphantly. Whatever happened next, Vav would always remember this moment: the time he admitted to having romantic interest in his nemesis.

 _I've won_.

“Would you be happy for these dates to continue?” he asked. It had to seem like Vav's choice if they were to make progress.

“I…” Vav rubbed the back of his neck and shot a sheepish glance over to the Mad King, “They've been pretty good so far. You're not what I expected, to be honest.”

“I hope that's a good thing,” the Mad King said.

“Yeah, it's good.” Vav smiled. “I'd like to try… this.”

“This?” the Mad King echoed, amused.

“Don't be a tosspot,” Vav said mildly, “I mean I'd like to try me and you. Going out. Dating. And stuff.”

The Mad King raised his glass. “To new relationships?” he offered.

“Yeah.” Vav clinked it with his own. “To doing good.”

Vav loosened up as the evening continued, laughing easier and blushing whenever he made eye contact. It was rather endearing and the Mad King found himself enjoying their dinner more than he had expected to.

He always enjoyed a good plot, that must be the cause. He liked Vav's smiles because they were indicative of the hero falling into his trap — and for absolutely no other reason.

 

* * *

 

“Yo! What’ve you got for me today?” X-Ray said in greeting as he sauntered into Hilda's lab. He looked around and stopped dead. “What the fuck is he doing here?”

The last part was directed at Mogar, who was stood next to the bench Hilda was working at. He had a wilting bunch of flowers grasped tightly in one fist.

“Mogar is here on business,” Mogar said.

“You better not be trying to steal our thunder, 'cause we'll have to kick your ass again,” X-Ray warned.

Mogar shook his head. “Mogar will return to the forest again soon. Mogar only wished to thank the Machine Lady for the tracking device she made for Mogar’s mother.” He held up his wrist, where a gadget was strapped on and giving off quiet, intermittent beeps. “Now Mogar's mother will never be taken from him again.”

“In that case, good to see you,” X-Ray said with a nod, “Hey, Hilda, you got anything good for us if you've got time to microchip cows?”

Hilda sighed and made some mumbled noises about wanting just _one_ day in peace.

“Mogar picked a bad time, didn't he?” Mogar said apologetically, “Mogar will go.”

“No, Mogar, it's not you,” Hilda said quickly. She finally looked over at X-Ray, “where's your better half?”

X-Ray rolled his eyes. “He's on a date.”

“Really?” Hilda raised an eyebrow, “I thought him and Samaya hadn't worked out when she realised she had higher standards.”

“It's with the Mad King. He claims he's all 'rehabilitated’ and shit, so now he's trying to bang Vav,” X-Ray said bitterly.

“The blue one has fallen under the sway of the Mad King? Mogar will put an end to this!” Mogar brandished his sword, nearly giving X-Ray a haircut.

“Jeez! Watch it!” X-Ray yelped, jumping back. “First I've got Vav leaving me to go kiss His Majesty, now you're trying to kill me. Man, fuck my life.”

“Mogar, what have I said about swords in the lab?” Hilda said, “Sounds like you’re jealous,” she added to X-Ray.

“I’m not jealous,” X-Ray snapped, while Mogar sheathed his sword. “Just because Vav’s spending some ‘quality time’ with the Mad King doesn’t mean I’m _jealous_.”

“Mogar apologises for his rudeness,” Mogar held out the now extremely crushed bunch of flowers to Hilda. “Please accept Mogar's apology and his thanks for your help with Mogar's mother, Machine Lady.”

“Um… thanks?” Hilda said, taking the flowers. She looked around, panicked, for something to put them in. “ORF, vase mode.”

“Yes, Hilda,” ORF chirped, then promptly transformed into a laser canon. “Property destruction is fun!”

“Sorry,” Hilda said to Mogar, shooting X-Ray a glare when he sniggered, “I'll just put them… here?” She placed them on her workbench next to a soldering iron.

“Mogar is pleased you like them,” Mogar said. He still looked pretty frowny to X-Ray.

Given he usually looked like someone had just burned down his treehouse — totally not X-Ray's fault — maybe that was happy after all. Not that X-Ray knew why or even cared.

“I kinda get it though,” Hilda mused.

“Get what?” X-Ray grumped.

“Why Vav’s with the Mad King.”

“Really?” X-Ray scrunched up his nose in disgust. “He’s an evil supervillain. What’s to like?” Horror dawned, “Oh no. Do _you_ like him too?”

“No, of course not,” Hilda said, a bit too quickly, “I’m just saying. He might be evil and egotistical and wear a skirt, but he’s smart. Very smart. I could see why someone might be interested. Hypothetically, that is.”

“Someone’s got a _cruuush_ ,” X-Ray sang.

“Shut up!” Hilda snapped, “Any positive feelings I may or may not have had definitely disappeared when I was fired from Monarch Labs. Understand?”

Behind her, Mogar was absolutely looking like someone had burnt his treehouse down. It was only noticeable because of how happy he’d seemed earlier. He snarled when he saw X-Ray looking at him.

“Mogar says we should hunt down the Mad King and give you his heart,” Mogar declared, waving his sword again.

That rung a faint bell in X-Ray’s head that had nothing to do with fighting. He was close to figuring something out, but he didn’t know what it was yet.

“I keep telling you, you can’t just kill people,” Hilda chided. Mogar hunched his shoulders and ducked his head. The meek look didn’t work, only making him appear absurdly awkward in the sterile, high-tech lab.

“Supervillains aren’t people,” X-Ray argued. “The Mad King has some plot at work and Vav’s fallen right into his trap! We need to find out what his schemes are and end them.”

“And then end _him_ ,” Mogar agreed.

“Right, exactly,” X-Ray said. “Well, Hilda, are you going to help us or are you gonna be useless in our pursuit of justice and the good graces of the city?”

Hilda sighed. She walked over to one of her workbenches and pointed to a conspicuously blank spot.

“This is where someone stole some of my experiments,” she explained, “I don’t know who did it — it might’ve been the Mad King, it might not’ve been — but whoever it was, they made off with a lot of old amplifier parts from the brainwashing device we dealt with half a year ago, plus some research I was doing into Vav’s equipment.”

“That's what she said!” X-Ray finger-gunned.

“Yes, that is what she said,” Mogar said, confused.

Hilda just rolled her eyes. X-Ray's comic genius was wasted here.

“Why do you still have all that junk anyway?” X-Ray asked.

“It may come as a surprise to you, but not many companies are interested in my skills after word got around of my poor CEO management skills, and the fact that I outfitted you bozos with military-grade tech — which is apparently 'an accident waiting to happen’,” Hilda said, adding air-quotes and confusing Mogar further. “Turns out Monarch Labs is the only place that'll hire me and the Mad King delights in giving me a minimal budget. Gotta cut corners somewhere and lot of this ‘junk’ has some pretty valuable parts.”

“Hilda! Fire!” ORF called, sounding like she was pointing out a cute puppy.

Hilda spun around, fire extinguisher in her hand before X-Ray could blink. The heat from the soldering iron had set Mogar’s flowers on fire and they were burning merrily on the bench.

With practised ease, Hilda dispatched the flames. The flowers were now more of a blackened, soggy mess than bright blooms.

“Sorry, Mogar,” Hilda said.

Mogar stared at the flower remains and gently gathered them up. He then placed them in the trash can with more care than X-Ray had ever seen him use before.

“Flowers were wrong. Mogar sees that now,” Mogar said, downcast — or as downcast as anyone could look while also carrying a huge-ass sword.

Hilda exchanged a look with ORF. X-Ray felt like he was missing something — again — but fuck if he cared enough to ask.

“Whatever. I'm outta here.”

He decided to leave them to it and focus on the mission at hand. He _had_ to find proof that the Mad King was evil, so he could show Vav the truth. Maybe if he tracked down Hilda's missing things, that would do it.

“There won't be anything at Monarch Labs, too obvious,” X-Ray said out loud, once he'd gotten outside, “so it's either in his apartment, or he's got a new lair somewhere in the city.”

“Mogar's hunting abilities are restricted in the city,” Mogar said from right behind X-Ray, making him jump.

“Don't sneak up on me!”

“Mogar did not sneak.” Mogar crossed his arms and scowled at X-Ray. “Your hunting capabilities are poor.”

“Fine, whatever.” X-Ray kept Mogar in his line of sight as he thought. “I don't know about any secret lairs in the city. Rusty might.”

“The drunken one who smells of weasel vomit and regret?” Mogar sounded disapproving.

“Hey, he can stop anytime he wants,” X-Ray said defensively, “I'm not sure where I'd find him though, he said something about a ‘mystic quest for heroin’ last time I saw him.”

“Then where do you think Mogar should search first?”

X-Ray shrugged. “Let's try the Mad King's apartment, I guess. Time's a wastin’, it's probably not going to be a long date once Vav dumps him.”

Finding the right building wasn't difficult — Vav had left a note just in case — getting in on the other hand…

“I'm a superhero! Half of X-Ray and Vav! I'm X-Ray, goddammit!”

“Unless you are a resident, accompanying a resident, or have permission from a resident, you are not allowed above the ground floor,” the receptionist droned.

“I’m here on superhero business!” X-Ray shouted.

“I will have to call security if you don’t calm down, sir,” the receptionist said.

“Fine! I’m leaving!” X-Ray stormed out in a huff, Mogar hot on his heels.

Mogar looked up at the apartment block. “Mogar can leap, if you tell him which level is correct.”

X-Ray looked up too. Trying to count floors just made him go cross-eyed.

“Fucked if I know,” X-Ray said, “let’s check if there’s a way in the back.”

It turned out there was. Someone must’ve forgotten to close the fire escape properly after they’d taken their smoke break.

“Score!”

Thankfully the elevators were far enough away from the reception desk that X-Ray could sneak in, even with Mogar shadowing him like some kind of bear golem. They rode it to the top floor and found the door to the Mad King’s apartment on the second try.

“Man, this would a lot easier if I knew how to pick locks,” X-Ray said.

The door looked pretty heavy and was way too sinister for the cream coloured hallway. As much as X-Ray would've liked to use his lasers, they were so obvious he might as well write 'X-Ray was here’ on everything instead.

“Mogar can pick locks,” Mogar said.

“Yeah?” X-Ray eyed him skeptically. “Let's see what you've got then.”

Mogar stood in front of the door, scowling at the lock. X-Ray was just about to make a comment, when Mogar shoved his entire fist through the door.

“What the hell!?” X-Ray yelped.

“Mogar has picked a lock,” Mogar said, pulling his hand back through. He opened it to show X-Ray a lock still embedded in splintered wood.

“That's not what I meant!” X-Ray watched the door swing slowly open. “Well, it's done now. Let’s have a look around.”

The main room was creepy, it looked like no one lived there. All expensive unused furniture, nothing like X-Ray’s comfortable basement. X-Ray dug around the couch cushions, but couldn’t even find any loose change, let alone a murder weapon.

The bathroom was a bust, too. Nothing in there unless X-Ray wanted to know what hair-care products the Mad King used. (Seriously though, who used more than just soap and water? Evil people, that’s who. And sometimes Vav when he was feeling fancy — like for tonight.)

X-Ray pulled open a bedside cabinet drawer. Then shut it promptly. There was no way he was ever going to be able to unsee _that_.

“Mogar, you take care of the bedroom,” X-Ray ordered, “I’ve got to go bleach my eyes.”

Mogar raised an eyebrow and went to look in the drawer X-Ray had hurriedly shut.

“Mogar sees nothing evil. Just mating supplies.”

“I don’t want to ever find out how you know about _half_ of that stuff without the internet,” X-Ray said grimly.

He poked his head into the closet; nothing but clothes. Not even a secret safe hidden in the back. X-Ray was starting to think that crime dramas and video game detectives had lied to him.

After finding no conveniently chopped-up bodies in the kitchen, X-Ray gave up.

“It’s getting late,” X-Ray said, “We need to leave before the Mad King comes back.”

“If we leave now then Mogar will not be able to slay the Mad King. Running and hiding is for cowards. Mogar demands we face the Mad King tonight! Otherwise the Machine Lady will not be pleased with Mogar.”

“You like Hilda. Like, _like_ like,” X-Ray said, the realisations finally coming together, “Why doesn’t it happen to me? Vav’s on a date, you and Hilda are making goo-goo eyes at each other, but I’m left alone. As usual.”

“Mogar does _not_ make ‘goo-goo eyes’,” Mogar said.

“Dude. You gave her flowers. You want to give her the Mad King’s heart. Isn’t that like proposing for you?”

Mogar grabbed the front of X-Ray’s superhero costume and snarled at him, their noses barely an inch apart.

“You will not speak of this to anyone,” Mogar growled.

“Chill,” X-Ray said hurriedly, “I’m not gonna tell Hilda or Vav.”

Mogar lowered X-Ray back to the ground and stood back. His shoulders were hunched up again, like he didn’t want to be there.

“Mogar likes the Machine Lady,” Mogar grudgingly admitted, “but Mogar isn’t smart, so the Machine Lady will never like Mogar.”

“Hilda can be smart enough for the both of you,” X-Ray said, dismissing his concern.

“The Machine Lady said her object of desire was the Mad King. So Mogar must crush the Mad King to show his affections for the female. Flowers have failed Mogar.”

X-Ray shrugged. “Whatever. Just don’t get in my way,”

“As long as your way involves bringing down the Mad King, Mogar will stay out of it,” Mogar said, “and win the affections of the Machine Lady too.”

X-Ray grimaced. Everyone needed to _stop_ getting all lovey-dovey around him. At least Vav was dumping the Mad King.

 

* * *

 

The Mad King brought the car to a stop alongside the same curb he’d picked Vav up from a few hours ago. Vav unbuckled his seatbelt, but didn't get out.

“So… uh…” he dithered.

The Mad King waited patiently, tilting his head to encourage Vav in whatever he had to say. Their conversation had reached a natural conclusion, so the Mad King didn't know where Vav was going.

“It's just that we finished up our last… our last date with…” Vav was practically scarlet at this point.

_Ah._

_Excellent._

The Mad King cut off his mumbles. “Vav, look at me.” _Remember, you promised to ask_. “Would you like me to kiss you, Vav?”

“…yeah,” Vav said in a small voice. There was a shy smile on his face.

The Mad King grinned. He reached over to grip Vav's chin and pull his face up. Vav didn't try to pull back this time, though he didn't lean forward either.

“ _Relax_ ,” the Mad King breathed, relishing the fine tremor he could feel running through Vav and the way his breath was catching.

The Mad King pressed his mouth to Vav's, gently at first, then harder, taking what he wanted. Vav squeaked. The Mad King curled his hand around the back of Vav's head and tugged him closer, not letting him pull away from the kiss.

Vav made another noise. It didn't sound like a protest, but it made the Mad King remember that he should be playing this slowly. He didn't want to scare Vav off.

 _Not yet_ , he corrected himself firmly. The plan would do that perfectly when implemented.

The Mad King pulled back, smiling at Vav's flustered face.

“Satisfactory?”

“Top,” Vav said, breathless.

“Until next time,” the Mad King said, “I’ll be in touch.”

“Yeah. See you,” Vav said, still a bit dazed. He fumbled with the door handle with clumsy fingers until he managed to open it and tumble out.

Vav waved as he disappeared through the basement window. The Mad King hadn’t believed his initial findings when they reported that the heroes left their home unsecured, but judging by Vav’s easy entrance it was true. Good to know, but perhaps he should suggest some security system or at least a lock to Vav. It wouldn’t be good if someone else with foul intentions decided to try and harm him before the Mad King could implement his plan.

Monarch Labs was his next stop. To the secret rooms accessible only by genetic scans, which had yet to be found and removed by police searches. Nobody ever looked too hard at service access stairwells.

The Mad King strode into his workspace and cast a critical eye over the electronics. It was all coming together, right on schedule. Soon Vav would see what he had created and be impressed —

 _No_ , not impressed — Vav would be awestruck, fearful, just like the rest of the peasants.

Shaking his head to clear the thought, the Mad King went over to the paperwork. It was always worth quintuple-checking plots this complex, plus the reading would get him in the right mindset for all the tinkering he had planned for this evening.

But something was off.

Someone had done a very careful attempt at putting things back where they found them, but it was undeniable to the Mad King’s keen eye; someone had been going through his plans.

The security feed showed nothing. Whoever it was had gone to the lengths of replacing the footage, rather than just deleting it. He was dealing with a professional.

 _So not X-Ray then_.

That was a slight relief, at least. The Mad King wanted Vav to remain unaware until he chose to reveal that it had all been a plot.

He'd been thinking about that moment a lot, revising what he would say to Vav over and over. How Vav would react was eluding him for now, but that just made the anticipation better.

 _Focus_.

Even if it hadn't been X-Ray, the fact that _someone_ had gotten in was concerning. The Mad King's plans were never fully in one place, but he did have a habit of collecting together more than was necessary from time to time. Now would be good to do a cleanup.

First to go were several standard tools — they wouldn’t be suspicious individually, but the Mad King was meant to have turned over a new leaf and stockpiling tools was the sort of behaviour that would start to raise eyebrows. Then an itemised shipping list for all the parts of his doomsday device — that was especially important to dispose of, as he’d scribbled most of his ideas for how to pull off the plan around the margins. After that some notes on how to refine a prototype set of hero-restraining cuffs.

 _Wait_.

The prototype cuffs were missing, so they must have been what the thief had taken. If that was all they’d come for they were going to be sorely disappointed. The prototype was barely stronger than regular set of handcuffs and had a failsafe built in. There was no way they could be used against the Mad King.

_But what about Vav?_

Vav would have to be very foolish indeed to be caught by such restraints — even with the Mad King’s proposed modifications, there were several ways the hero could escape if he put his mind to it. The Mad King switched his train of thought firmly away from that track because thinking of Vav restrained was only going to get… _distracting_.

There was a business card with a ram’s head tucked into the prototype plans. No other markings on the card. It was unfamiliar to the Mad King; something to look into when he had a spare moment later.

Finally, he packed away unused equipment and started making plans to slot it back into Monarch Labs’ workings to cover his tracks. It was more of a drudge than it normally was.

_Manipulating Vav was much more fun than this._

_That’s not how it usually goes, planning is always preferable. You’re losing your edge._

The Mad King needed to stop thinking about Vav and focus on the planning right in front of him. Planning was fun. And if it wasn’t fun then it was still necessary. He pulled up an inventory of Monarch Labs and tried to keep his mind off messy hair and a sunny smile.

He had a feeling that it was going to be a long night.

 

* * *

 

“You’re joking,” X-Ray said flatly, praying with everything he had that he was right.

“Nope,” Vav said. He was looking apprehensive, but in the way that meant he wasn’t going to back down on his point. “It’s a thing, me and the Mad King. Y’know, dating. And stuff.”

Initially, Vav being in their hideout when X-Ray returned had been a positive sign. Then X-Ray had noticed the dazed, almost dreamy, look on his face and knew things had gone terribly, terribly wrong.

“I don't want to hear about the kind of 'stuff’ you’re getting up to. He’s our nemesis!” X-Ray said in disbelief.

“He’s trying to be a better person,” Vav said confidently.

“He’s manipulating you! He's stolen a bunch of Hilda's a tech and he's going to do something evil with it!”

“What?” Vav rocked back on his heels, shocked.

“Hilda noticed some of her gubbins missing. No one steals work like hers without wanting to do something nefarious,” X-Ray said.

Vav bit his lip. “Do you know it was the Mad King?”

X-Ray stopped. “What?”

“Do you know it was the Mad King who did it?” Vav said again.

“Who else would've done it?” X-Ray demanded.

“There are other supervillains,” Vav said, putting on his ‘reasonable’ voice — the one he used on civilians to stop them panicking, like at the bank last week, “do you have evidence that it was the Mad King this time?”

“Evidence doesn't matter.”

“It does when you could villainise someone for something they didn't do,” Vav said. He kinda sounded like he was quoting someone. “I’m sorry, X-Ray, but I'm not going to accuse the Mad King without some kind of proof.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” X-Ray snapped, “Why are you sticking up for our nemesis?”

“I feel like he’s making progress,” Vav said.

“What's it going to take for you to believe me when I say he's evil!” X-Ray shouted.

“Solid evidence!” Vav shouted back, “One bit of solid evidence, not just a hunch.”

“And if I get solid evidence, will you even listen to me and believe it?”

“Well, yeah,” Vav said, “I'm not going to ignore facts just because I might fancy the Mad King a bit.”

X-Ray pulled a face. “I don't want to hear any of that,” he said, “but you'll listen if I have proof, really?”

“Yeah, I trust you, X-Ray,” Vav said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

X-Ray had the sudden unmanly urge to hug his best friend. He settled with putting his hand on Vav’s shoulder and giving a squeeze.

“Thanks, buddy,” X-Ray said, “I trust you too.”

Vav smiled. “So you’ll believe me when I say that I think the Mad King is genuine about wanting to not be evil anymore?”

“Urgh, fine.” X-Ray rolled his eyes. “I still don’t trust him, but I’ll stop bothering you about it.”

He’d just have to look into things behind Vav's back with Hilda and Mogar. At least _they_ knew the Mad King was up to something nefarious.

“Thanks, X-Ray.”


	3. in which the third date happens (nudge nudge wink wink)

Vav looked over himself in the bathroom mirror one last time. Hair combed, _check_. Teeth brushed, _check_. Clean shaven, _check_.

All ready to go on his date.

_Date._

The word still made his stomach flutter, partly with nerves, partly with excitement. He was going out with someone and had made it past more than one date. They’d had interesting conversations. They’d _kissed._

Vav straightened his cape and paused. Should he be wearing something other than his superhero uniform? The Mad King hadn’t said anything against it so far, but he’d been wearing a rather nice jumper and trouser set last time they’d gone out instead of his usual supervillain getup, and there was no way of telling if he’d be in some other civilian clothing or not this time.

Vav technically had a secret identity to protect, but as long as he didn't use his real name it should be fine for him to wear regular civilian clothes. Right?

He'd never felt like this about anyone before — he decided it was worth the risk.

Vav rushed to his chest of drawers and started digging through for something else to wear. All he had were tatty jeans and t-shirts with various faded logos on. Not the sort of thing he should be showing up to the fancy restaurants the Mad King favoured in. There was a suit he’d worn for a funeral several years ago, but it was all dusty and scrunched up at the bottom of a drawer and would take too long to clean and iron.

Speaking of taking too long, Vav checked the clock and gulped. He’d have to run if he wanted to make it to the bus stop in time.

The bus was pulling off when Vav ran around the corner. He considered hitting it with some slow mo, but that didn’t feel entirely right. He could wait for the next one, it wouldn’t be that much longer.

While Vav was waiting he thought ahead to discussing it with the Mad King. They’d talked about ethics once or twice before, and it was interesting to hear how a supervillain and business-owner made decisions on such things. It was also partly a guide to how well the Mad King’s rehabilitation was going.

He was getting quicker at knowing what the correct response should be. Vav felt a little glow of pride whenever the Mad King tested an answer and looked to Vav for approval.

The Mad King was waiting when Vav arrived at the restaurant. Back in the kilt, but still no crown and wearing a softer jumper again against the slight chill in the wind, rather than a suit jacket. Had he done that because Vav had said he found it less intimidating?

Vav found himself grinning as he jogged the last few metres, a grin that the Mad King matched when he noticed Vav approaching.

“Sorry I’m late,” Vav said, “Buses, y’know.”

“I can’t recall the last time I travelled by bus,” the Mad King said thoughtfully, “excluding prison transfers, of course.”

Even the reminders that he was getting involved with a former criminal were bothering Vav less and less. He wasn't Vav the superhero, out to keep an eye on a potential evil-doer, he was Vav the superhero spending his time off with his boyfriend.

“Shall we?” Vav said, taking the chance to be the one to hold the door for once.

The restaurant was as posh as their usual ones, but the patrons were in jeans as often as not. Vav relaxed — at least the dodgy looks he was getting as they were led to a table were because of his superhero costume being unusual and not because he hadn’t met a required dress code.

“How have your superheroics been going recently?” The Mad King asked after their orders had been taken.

“We've stopped a couple of muggings, saved a couple of handbags, but there's not been anything big going on,” Vav replied.

“And you and X-Ray?” The Mad King continued, “Are you still getting along well?”

“We're fine,” Vav said, tightly.

“Are you?” the Mad King pushed, “you're not sounding sure.”

“It doesn't matter.”

“It does to me. I want you to be happy, Vav,” the Mad King said.

Warmth curled in Vav's chest. No one that considerate could be truly evil, no matter what X-Ray said.

“He doesn't like me going out with you,” he admitted, “he's not saying anything outright anymore, but it's clear he doesn't like this.”

“Ah.” The Mad King leant back in his chair. “And what are your feelings on the matter?”

“I like you,” Vav said determinedly, “I like these dates. I don't want them to stop just because X-Ray's a bit uncomfortable with the idea.”

“That’s wonderful to hear,” the Mad King said.

Was that a bit of a blush on his cheeks? Vav decided it must’ve been the lighting playing tricks on his eyes; there was no way the Mad King was getting flustered just because Vav had said he liked him.

“So, yeah, I’m going to keep going out with you,” Vav said. _And screw X-Ray’s paranoia,_ he added mentally.

“Excellent.”

The smile the Mad King gave him made his insides do interesting things. Vav took a gulp of his wine to cover up his sudden nerves.

“So, what’ve you been working on?” Vav asked.

“Board meetings and therapy obligations have kept me busy,” the Mad King replied, “but I’ve begun work on something I think you’ll find interesting.”

“Really? What is it?”

The Mad King wagged a finger at Vav. “Ah, _ah_ , now. It’s a surprise.”

A flicker of doubt hit Vav. Was the Mad King relapsing and plotting something evil? He shook it off — X-Ray was getting to him. The Mad King was doing better and Vav shouldn’t accuse him of something he hadn’t even done.

“Can’t wait,” Vav said, putting as much cheer into his voice as he could manage.

“If only the board were as positive as you,” the Mad King said.

“Are they that much of a problem?” Vav asked.

“Having to justify every decision and present it as profitable takes far too long and rarely feels necessary,” the Mad King replied. “If there was anything that would push me back to villainy, it would be their general incompetence and rigid adherence to bureaucracy.”

“Do you have to have the meetings?”

“A necessary evil for a CEO, I'm afraid.”

“Please don't let them force you back to villainy,” Vav said quietly, “you're better than that.”

The Mad King was taken aback. “You think so?”

“I know so,” Vav said, “I believe in you.”

The Mad King gave Vav a look he couldn't decipher. He grabbed Vav's hand and raised it to his mouth, pressing a rough kiss with a prickle of stubble to Vav's knuckles.

“…thank you, Vav. I'm lucky to be able to count on your support.”

Time flew by and, before Vav knew it, their plates were empty and the Mad King was taking care of the bill. It was the most comfortable Vav had ever felt in a restaurant that posh and he didn't hesitate to slip his hand into the Mad King's once they left.

The Mad King was surprised at the gesture, but he smiled and gripped Vav's hand back.

They walked back to the Mad King’s place, the cool night air being a refreshing wake-up after the heavy meal. This time Vav remembered which building it was and stopped when the Mad King did just outside.

“Well, here we are,” Vav said, taking his hand back. He felt like there should be something more, but he just didn't know what it was.

“Here we are,” the Mad King said. Vav couldn't read his smile.

“I had a pretty good time,” Vav said.

“Only ‘a pretty good’ time?” The Mad King reached forward to cup Vav's jaw: “let me see if I can do better.”

He stopped just shy of Vav's mouth, eyes searching for something on Vav's face.

Oh! He was waiting for him to say ‘yes’. Vav felt a surge of warmth as he nodded.

Even when he was expecting the kiss, it still took his breath away. Worry and discomfort had finally stopped flooding his system at the brush of lips and stubble, and instead Vav only felt disappointment when the Mad King pulled back.

“Yeah, ten out of ten, would date again,” Vav said breathily. His heartbeat wouldn't stop noisily rushing through his ears.

The Mad King glanced up at the building, then back to Vav. If Vav didn't know better, he'd say there was trepidation on his face; it was too calculating for him to be truly nervous.

“Would you like to come inside?” the Mad King asked.

Vav's stomach flipped. He couldn't say he hadn't been thinking about it recently, but the prospect of things actually going further was still terrifying.

The Mad King must have seen it on his face. “Ah, not yet.”

“No.” Vav straightened his shoulders. He was a superhero, he could _absolutely_ be brave in the face of the unknown. “I'd like that.”

The Mad King's tone was teasing. “… That?”

“I'd like to come in,” Vav said, feeling his face heat up.

“Well, then.” The Mad King grabbed Vav by the hip and pulled him into his side. “Shall we?”

Vav gulped, but allowed himself to be led into the building.

It was plush inside. The foyer alone was the size of X-Ray's mum's house twice over. Vav’s feet sank into the thick red carpet with every step. The walls were polished marble with gold trim. Even the lifts had dark wooden panels on the doors.

All in all, it didn't feel like a place where Vav belonged. He was horribly aware of the scuff marks on his boots.

The Mad King didn't notice his worries and swept Vav into a lift. He pressed the highest numbered button while Vav stared at his own pale face in the mirrors lining the interior.

He was really doing this. _Wow_.

“Vav?”

Vav jumped. He met the Mad King's eyes in the mirror — it wasn't really concern, but there was a question there.

“I'm good. Top,” Vav said brightly. Even he didn't believe himself.

The Mad King's hands came to rest heavily on Vav's shoulders. Vav closed his eyes, forced himself to take a deep breath, and let it out slowly.

“Vav —” the Mad King started.

Vav spun round and pulled the Mad King down into a kiss. If he kept going, maybe he wouldn't get too nervous.

The Mad King barely hesitated. He had obviously been taken by surprise, yet Vav was pressed against the lift wall immediately. A hand carded through Vav's hair, gentle at first, then gripping tight. He let out a muffled squeak. The Mad King's tongue darted out to lick Vav’s lips, and then, when Vav’s mouth opened in surprise, pressed in firmly.

They’d never kissed quite like that before. It was too intense; Vav broke away, gasping. The Mad King wasted no time in pulling Vav's head to the side and sucking at his neck.

Vav's hands clutched in uncertainty at the Mad King's chest. In contrast, the Mad King clearly knew what he was doing. He ran his free hand down Vav's side until he came to his thigh, where he gripped tight and pulled them somehow even closer together. Vav let out another squeak as his pressing erection was ground into the Mad King's hip.

“Wait,” Vav gasped.

The Mad King actually _growled._ He pulled his head away from Vav’s neck and looked at him impatiently.

“Anyone could walk in,” Vav said, waving at the lift doors.

That was true, but Vav had mostly asked to give himself some breathing room so he didn’t come in his tights right then and there. The Mad King stepped back and Vav caught sight of himself in the mirrors: his hair was wild, his face flushed, and there was a dark red mark on his neck. He looked wrecked.

“Look at you,” the Mad King breathed. His eyes were bright and his lips were wet, but otherwise he looked remarkably composed, in complete contrast to Vav.

Vav felt his flush deepen. He hunched his shoulders and turned his head away. “Bit of a mess, yeah?”

“A mess for _me_ ,” the Mad King said, cupping Vav’s face and brushing a thumb over Vav’s reddened lips, “lovely.”

Vav’s short-circuiting brain was saved from having to find a response to that, as the lift chimed to announce its arrival at the correct floor. The Mad King pulled Vav into his side again and took him down the hall and through the door at the end.

The door opened into an expensive-looking living room, the furniture was all neat, dark leather, or chrome and glass. A sparkling view of the city was visible through windows taller than Vav.

“Wow,” Vav said.

“I didn’t bring you here to admire the decor,” the Mad King said, pulling Vav through another door further into the flat.

Vav barely caught a glimpse of more floor-to-ceiling windows and some dark wooden furniture before he was dumped unceremoniously on the large bed. The covers were rich — like everything else in the flat — but Vav didn’t have time to properly appreciate them. The Mad King was above him, kissing forcefully again.

They were finally going to do it. Vav felt the butterflies start up in his stomach again. When was the best time to admit that he’d never done this before?

The Mad King cupped Vav’s crotch and started kneading firmly with skillful fingers. Okay, now was _really_ the right time.

“Wait!” Vav yelped, embarrassed by how his voice cracked.

“What?” the Mad King lifted his head up to look Vav in the eye, but otherwise didn’t move. Impatience was clear on his face. “Are you going to stop me every step of the way?”

“I’ve not done this before,” Vav said, closing his eyes so he didn’t have to see the scorn.

“I know that,” the Mad King said, amusement in his voice, “considering your reactions so far, I would've been very surprised if you admitted to having had any experience with other men.”

“I mean…” Vav kept his eyes screwed shut. “I haven't had sex before. With anyone. At all. I'm a virgin, alright?”

“Ah.” The Mad King didn’t _sound_ angry, though that could’ve just been Vav’s wishful thinking.

“I’m sorry,” Vav blurted.

“Vav, open your eyes.” The bed dipped, nearly rolling Vav over, as the Mad King moved to one side. “Or if you want to keep them closed, I’ve got a blindfold somewhere.”

 _That_ made Vav’s eyes fly open. The Mad King gave a soft laugh. Vav propped himself up on his elbows and didn’t miss the way the Mad King looked him up and down, gaze sharpening preditorially.

“Let's start with you taking this off,” the Mad King suggested, plucking at the chest of Vav’s superhero outfit.

Vav started to tug his slow mo gloves off, then paused. “You too?” he asked nervously.

The Mad King's smile widened and he pulled off his jumper in a move Vav couldn't believe he managed to make that smooth. Then he unbuttoned his shirt and left it hanging open while he started to unwrap his kilt. Vav caught sight of a slash of pale skin at his hip and realised the Mad King had forgone underwear. Vav quickly turned away to focus on his own undressing.

Vav knew he'd have to look soon, he just wasn't sure he wanted the Mad King to be judging him on his own stripping skills while he took in a fully naked man for the first time.

Gloves were the first to go, then boots — he probably should’ve taken them off at the door — cape, over-undies, top, then tights. Not underwear quite yet…

“I'm going to take it personally if you keep refusing to look at me,” the Mad King said while Vav dithered in putting his clothes carefully on the floor.

Vav turned. The Mad King was sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed. He was completely naked, a fact that Vav's eyes had to keep reinforcing over and over. Naked skin, a jagged scar on his side, and there, right there, was his cock.

It was half hard, foreskin already pulled back to expose the head. Vav wanted to touch, but felt his curiosity was more from scientific exploration of the unknown rather than sexual interest, so held back.

The Mad King's hand came down to give himself a few strokes, making his cock harder and drawing Vav's gaze up his arm. His body hair was sparser than Vav’s, but the Mad King had more muscle and broad shoulders that sent a little twinge of desire through Vav.

Which was definitely a relief; part of Vav had been terrified that he wouldn't find any of this sexy and get everyone upset.

“Like what you see?”

Vav stammered out something that might've been words, but was probably just random sounds. The Mad King grinned and crooked a finger at Vav.

“Come here.”

Vav was unable to resist. He crawled over and sat on his knees in front of the Mad King, uncertain where he should start. The Mad King leant forward and pulled Vav into a kiss. At least that was familiar.

The Mad King's hands were hot on Vav's skin, tracing all over his torso and leaving goosebumps in their wake. Vav shivered. He leant closer, balancing himself by placing his hands on the Mad King's shoulders. His skin was warm to the touch.

“Sorry,” Vav said, breaking the kiss to pull his hands back, “Cold hands, right?”

“It's fine.” The Mad King pushed forward, sending Vav sprawling on his back again. The sheets were cool on his bare back, but the Mad King was like a furnace at his front.

Vav's breath hitched at the full-length skin contact and was caught by the Mad King's kiss. Vav was regretting his decision to keep his underwear on. Originally it had seemed like a good idea to help his confidence; now all Vav wanted to do was get completely naked so he could properly feel the way the Mad King was grinding against him.

However, as soon as Vav tried to reach down to remedy the situation, the Mad King grabbed his wrists and pinned then above his head.

“Looks like I've caught a superhero. Whatever shall I do with him?” the Mad King said playfully. He ducked his head down to bite Vav's collarbone.

Vav bit his lip, unsure. Was he meant to play along? If so, how exactly? Should he be going for meekly captured? Defiant struggles? Trying to seduce his way out?

The Mad King was watching him, waiting expectantly.

“Make it the best damn night of his life?” Vav asked tentatively.

“Oh, I intend to,” the Mad King said in a dark voice that sent a shiver up Vav's spine.

“Well you'd better get on with it,” Vav said, daringly.

The Mad King laughed and sucked another bruise onto Vav's shoulder. Vav tugged his arms experimentally, but the Mad King kept him pinned.

“Let's get you naked,” the Mad King said, reaching down with one hand to tug at Vav's pants.

Vav arched his hips up to help. Then he gave another mortifyingly high-pitched squeak when the Mad King tossed his underwear aside and brought his hand up to cup Vav's bare cock.

“Easy,” the Mad King said. He nipped at Vav's lip as he started to jerk him off, “trust me.”

“I do,” Vav promised, surprised to find that he meant it wholeheartedly.

The Mad King deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding into Vav's mouth again like it belonged there. It was strange and weirdly erotic. Vav tried to reciprocate, but he wasn't sure exactly what to do and it just felt clumsy.

The Mad King let go of Vav's wrists. Vav inched his hands down slowly, convinced they were going to get grabbed again, until he grasped the Mad King’s shoulders. Still warm to the touch, but the Mad King didn’t make any indication that he found Vav’s hands too cold.

Vav decided it was best to let them warm up a bit anyway.

“You can do better than that,” the Mad King said, when Vav didn’t move his hands further.

Vav stroked his fingers down the Mad King’s chest. It was very different to the one girl he’d managed to feel up in high school. Hairier, for a start, and the muscle was soft, relaxed, but still firmer than a lady’s curves.

Vav’s hand reached the nasty-looking scar on the Mad King’s left side. “Where did you get that?” he asked.

The Mad King stopped jerking him off. Vav’s hips arched up, trying to get movement on his cock again.

“Believe me when I say telling the tale will kill the mood,” the Mad King said, “Now, _touch me_.”

“I am,” Vav squeaked.

“We both know what I meant,” the Mad King said, grabbing Vav’s hand and pulling it down to touch his cock, “It’s just stroking. I’m willing to bet that you’ve done that before.”

“No, I —” Vav cut himself off when he realised what the Mad King meant — he’d absolutely tossed off before.

He could do this. Touching another guy's boner wasn't a problem — especially not if they were on the middle of shagging. It was kind of expected at this point.

Vav curled his fingers around the Mad King’s cock. He wasn’t used to wanking from this side and his usual grip didn’t feel quite right. It took him a few strokes to realise that the Mad King was circumcised and it wasn't that his foreskin was pulled back, but missing entirely. It almost felt wrong to be rubbing when it felt like it would be getting raw, though he was pretty slick already.

The Mad King’s eyes closed and he let out an ‘mmm’ of contentment. Vav must’ve been doing something right.

“Good boy,” the Mad King murmured, carding his fingers through Vav’s hair again. Vav felt his cheeks heat up and something low in his stomach twinged pleasantly.

He _liked_ this. Not just the sex, but the whole being dominated thing. He _wanted_ to be called good again. Part of him was surprised at how unsurprised he was at that revelation.

The thought emboldened Vav. “Could you —” he started. The Mad King’s eyes snapped open, the intensity of his gaze making Vav forget what he was about to say for a second: “ah… Could you… What you were doing to my neck earlier?” Vav asked.

“Like me marking you up, do you?” the Mad King laughed, soft and low and seductive. It sent a giddy thrill up Vav’s spine.

“Could you?”

“Ask nicely,” the Mad King ordered. Then, his eyes hungry, added, “ _beg_ me.”

Vav arched up, a whimper caught in his throat. He was pretty sure first times weren’t meant to go this well, but he certainly wasn’t going to complain at having all his unknown fantasies fulfilled so thoroughly.

“Please, Mad King, _please_.”

“For you, Vav, anything,” the Mad King said. He caught Vav’s cock again and started rubbing skillfully, then lowered his mouth to the juncture of Vav’s shoulder and neck.

The first brush of teeth made Vav moan. He slapped his free hand over his mouth to block the sound, embarrassed. The Mad King tugged it off a second later.

“I want to hear you, Vav,” he said into Vav’s throat, “I want to hear the noises you’re making for me and _only_ for me.”

Vav’s breath was ragged, his pulse jumping at everything. How the Mad King was staying so calm, Vav had no idea.

The Mad King’s hips pushed forward, reminding Vav that his hand was meant to be doing something. He picked up his previous rhythm, getting a wonderfully harsh bite when he did so.

Vav had always known that sex with someone else would be better than masturbating alone, but never in a million years had he thought it would be _this_ much better. He moaned as the Mad King sucked yet another bruise high onto his neck, the slight sting an amazing counter to the waves of pleasure coming from the hand on his cock.

It was getting to be too much. Vav was suddenly horribly aware that he was going to come way too fast and ruin everything. He sped up his wanking of the Mad King, but that only resulting in him catching Vav’s mouth and sticking his tongue down Vav’s throat again. Vav sucked in air desperately through his nose, already finding that the reduced airflow was bringing him closer to the edge even faster than before.

Vav tried to squirm away to give himself some space. The Mad King _growled_ again and sat up, but not before grabbing Vav’s hips in a punishing grip and keeping him still.

“You don’t get to run away, not yet,” the Mad King threatened darkly.

“I’m going to —” Vav bit his lip and closed his eyes in embarrassment again. Being a virgin really wasn’t sexy, there was no way Vav was making the Mad King as turned on with his awkward fumblings as the Mad King was making Vav with his confidence. If the Mad King was anywhere near as close as Vav was, he’d eat his cape.

The Mad King returned one hand to Vav’s cock and started stroking slowly. “Oh?” he said mildly, “and what if I want you to come?”

Vav peeked at him, but only saw a fierce hunger coupled with an alluring smile that made his heart skip a beat.

The Mad King leant forward, bracing himself on one forearm over him, his fingers just able to reach and twist in Vav's hair. He pressed his mouth to Vav’s, asking for — _demanding_ — a kiss. His hand jerked faster, until Vav was whimpering and arching against him, right on the edge.

“Come for me, Vav,” the Mad King breathed against Vav’s mouth.

Vav did so in a burst of white light that only he could see. Every nerve lit up in pleasure, as the Mad King slowed his hand to milk Vav through his orgasm perfectly.

Vav shivered as his cock gave one final twitch, then every muscle in his body sunk into the bed in utter relaxation. The Mad King moved away, letting go of Vav just before he reached the point of overstimulation.

He blinked, coming back to himself. He was suddenly very aware that he had cooling spaff all over his stomach and that the Mad King hadn’t gone as far as he’d thought.

“Look at you,” the Mad King said. He was lounging back on one elbow and jerking himself lightly. “Such a mess. And all because of me.”

“Wow,” Vav croaked. All other words had left his head, “wow.”

“Let’s make you even messier,” the Mad King said, voice full of promise. He was up over Vav again in a flash, rubbing his cock quickly.

Vav had barely come down from his high, but guilt was prodding him into action already. He curled his hand around the Mad King's cock, entwining their fingers together and helping jerk him off.

The Mad King was closer than Vav thought. It wasn’t very long at all before he gave a low, drawn-out groan and spilled into the puddle already on Vav's stomach. He worked through the last of his orgasm then used his fingertips to mix the puddle further, rubbing it into Vav's skin as he rode out the ebbing shivers.

Vav watched him come down. It felt really good, seeing him like that, especially knowing that he had been partly responsible for it. It would explain why the Mad King looked so pleased after Vav's orgasm. The thought warmed Vav, even as the sweat and come on his skin started to chill.

“Wonderful,” the Mad King said, pulling Vav close for a lazy kiss, “you're perfect, Vav.”

The Mad King was still toasty against Vav's cool skin, but Vav snuggled up regardless of whether or not he was being a living ice pack. He felt in dire need of warmth and closeness.

“I really liked that,” Vav said, “thank you.”

“So polite,” the Mad King chuckled.

He pulled away — Vav whined at the loss — to pluck some tissues from a box on the bedside table.

“I'd rather not get come on my sheets,” the Mad King said, handing a tissue to Vav, “as much as I like you marked and messy for me.”

Vav felt his face heat up. He was all sticky and he could feel a couple of twinges around his neck from where the Mad King had bitten him. He must look a right sight.

A trip to the bathroom — as large as X-Ray's mum's living room and all onyx tiles and silver fixtures — to brush his teeth and clean off the last of the spunk confirmed that, yes, Vav was looking freshly fucked. Messy hair, several love bites, and a particular flush all pointed to one thing. Not to mention the silly grin he couldn't wipe off his face.

“I just had sex,” Vav told his reflection, awed at the words coming out of his mouth.

Vav returned to the bedroom and made himself comfortable under the covers, while the Mad King cleaned up. He wasn't left waiting long; soon the Mad King turned the lights off and slid into bed next to Vav. He tucked an arm over Vav, spooning him from behind.

“I'm glad it was with you,” Vav murmured, not wanting to completely break the soft silence.

The Mad King pressed a kiss to Vav's head, nuzzling into his hair. “Me too.”

 

* * *

 

Vav turned over, snuggling close with a happy little sigh.

 _He won’t be making that noise for much longer._ The Mad King stopped his train of thought when that idea didn’t give him as much joy as he’d expected.

The plan was good and progressing nicely. He would rule the city and then the world. Yes. That thought was still good. He would destroy X-Ray and Vav in the process.

 _There._ That wasn’t as happy a thought as it should have been.

Did he _not_ want to destroy X-Ray and Vav? Strange to think of someone without wanting to cause them pain.

 _I want to rule the world,_ the Mad King reflected slowly, _and… I want Vav by my side?_

Yes, that was it. So simple when you got down to it. The plan would need changing, but that wouldn’t be difficult. Good plans could be altered to fit any unanticipated incident. The Mad King would persuade Vav to see his way and then they would take over the world together.

Mind settled, the Mad King pressed a kiss to the top of Vav’s head and fell asleep thinking of Vav’s joy when presented with Europe.

 

* * *

 

“It had been a long day and an even longer night; the sort that makes you want to drown your sorrows in a pint of whiskey. Strange way to go, that, drowning in something you’re meant to drink. Tastes better than water though, I’ll give them that. Still, sleeping with the fishes — whiskey trout or freshwater salmon, either works — would be preferable to lending a superhero a hand. Sometimes you might get lucky and you’ll find yourself kicking back with a fine Cuban cigar while you have a chat with a dame who’s planning on poisoning you, but at least she’ll open her legs first. Much more often you find yourself in a situation like this: digging through a trash heap for the faintest whiff of a clue for a scrawny lad who —”

“Yeah, yeah,” X-Ray cut him off before he could really get going, “we’ve got what we wanted, let’s go!”


	4. in which everything collapses

The Mad King was already wrapped in a dressing gown and making breakfast by the time Vav stumbled from bed, messy-haired and wearing only his underwear.

“Good morning,” the Mad King said, smiling. It was hard not to — he hadn't felt this happy in a long time. Content amidst the workings of a plot, yes, but not _happy_.

“Mor-orning,” Vav said, yawning around the word.

He was _adorable_. The Mad King pulled Vav close and planted a kiss on his scruffy hair.

“Oi!” Vav said, batting at the Mad King, “You're making me feel short.”

“Well, we can't have that,” the Mad King said, amused. He moved quickly to grab Vav by the thighs and hoisted him up onto the kitchen counter. It put Vav’s eyeline at the top of the Mad King’s head; it felt strange to be looking up at him for once.

“Right,” Vav said, looking a bit embarrassed again, but he ducked down to give the Mad King a quick kiss.

“The things I could do to you,” the Mad King marvelled, tracing a finger over the bite marks he’d left on Vav’s skin last night. Vav would look amazing in rope and silks, with a gag keeping those pretty lips parted.

“Like what?” Vav asked, with a cheeky grin. Then he frowned, “Wait, are we talking, y’know, sex stuff or like evil stuff? Because one of those is right out.”

“Evil stuff?” the Mad King echoed.

“Like hurty stuff,” Vav squirmed on the counter, unable to back away without pressing himself into the cupboards.

“You don’t believe pain can be pleasurable?” the Mad King asked curiously. He plucked a carving knife from the block behind Vav and pressed the flat side to Vav’s chest. Vav froze. “You don’t believe that in the hands of someone capable, using a blade like this to press down just hard enough to draw blood wouldn’t be erotic?”

“No?” Vav squeaked, “Blood’s messy and being cut up just hurts?”

The Mad King turned the knife so the sharp edge scraped down Vav’s ribs. Vav was barely breathing now.

“I could show you,” the Mad King whispered, trailing the knife up until the tip was resting in the hollow of Vav’s throat.

Vav’s head jerked back and hit the cupboard behind him. At the same time his hands came up to grab the Mad King’s wrist and pull the knife away. His breathing was coming in fast and heavy now, a tremor running through his body from the adrenalin.

“No,” Vav said in a voice that was nearly steady.

The Mad King sighed and placed the knife back in the block. “One day.”

“You know, normal people don’t think about cutting people up,” Vav said, still shaking.

“You don’t ever think about what you could do to other people?” the Mad King asked. It was always fascinating to hear how others thought, especially when it came to Vav, “You’re not thinking right now how you could take that knife — you’re closer than I am — and run me through? Or use the oil from the pan there to scald me? It’s probably still hot enough.”

“What? No!” Vav was looking disgusted and quite alarmed. Maybe it was time to dial it back a bit. “Do you think like that all the time?”

To be honest, or to try to placate Vav? It had probably gone a bit far to pretend to have been joking so far; the Mad King needed to remember who he was with.

“Sometimes,” the Mad King admitted. He picked the knife up again, though he didn’t press it against Vav this time. “Not when I’m making plans or when I’m engrossed in other activities.”

Vav took a few seconds to visibly pull himself together.

“But it’s just thoughts, right?” There was a slight desperate edge to Vav’s voice: “you don’t really go out and hurt people just because you can, right?”

Again, the urge to lie was strong, but if the Mad King wanted Vav by his side then they’d have to get used to this.

“Not anymore.” It wasn’t a complete lie. It had been over a month since the last time the Mad King had held someone at his mercy. “The doctors at the institute helped, as did you, Vav.”

“Me?”

“You… distract me,” the Mad King said, “and in coming to care for you I’ve realised that you wouldn’t want me to do things like that.”

“Damn right I wouldn’t,” Vav said confidently. However, his voice shrunk as he continued talking, “But you still want to… to _hurt_ me?”

“I want to share my passion,” the Mad King insisted, “and whatever I want to do, I would never cause you lasting harm, Vav.”

“Cutting me up _isn’t_ lasting harm?” Vav said. He was starting to sound calmer, which was good.

The Mad King pressed two fingers against the darkest bite mark on Vav’s neck. “You enjoyed that, last night. _Begged_ me for it.”

Vav’s own hand flew up to the mark. A flurry of emotions crossed his face too fast for the Mad King to read. It wasn’t an immediate ‘no’, however, so there was hope.

“Can we maybe lay off with the knives for a while though?” Vav asked, taking the knife from the Mad King’s hands and twisting around to put it back in the block. “Give me some time to get used to the idea?”

“Absolutely.” The Mad King pulled Vav down into a frenzied kiss. _He hadn’t said no!_

“Oh,” Vav said — he might’ve sounded pleased, but the Mad King wasn’t sure. He was too busy pulling him closer. “You’re happy? Even though I didn’t say yes?”

“You’re considering,” the Mad King growled into Vav’s neck, where he was making a fresh bite, “you’re accepting who I am.”

It was more than the Mad King had ever hoped for. _This could work_. It would take time, lots of time, but there was a chance that Vav could actually be persuaded to join the Mad King's goals of his own volition.

“Hey.” Vav tugged on the Mad King’s hair until he looked up at his face. “Do we really need to have breakfast right now?” He was blushing.

 _So_ adorable.

The Mad King grinned. “It’ll keep.”

So intent on getting Vav back to the bedroom, the Mad King nearly missed the door being laser-blasted open.

“Vav! I found— Oh god, I did _not_ need to see that.” X-Ray made a gagging sound.

“X-Ray!” Vav yelped, pushing out of the Mad King’s arms.

The Mad King reminded himself firmly that X-Ray was important to Vav and murdering him — as fun as it would be — wouldn’t be conductive to a continued relationship.

It was still a close call.

“Get away from him, Vav,” X-Ray said, storming over to push his way between the Mad King and Vav. “This is part of his evil plot.”

“Not this again, X-Ray. I thought you were gonna drop it,” Vav sighed.

“I found these,” X-Ray flourished a handful of papers.

“What the toss?” Vav leant back with a choking cough. “Have you been jumping in a dustbin for fun?”

“I had to do some dumpster diving with Flynt Coal,” X-Ray admitted, but bounced back quickly to shove the papers in the Mad King's face. “I've found your secret plans.”

The Mad King felt his breath catch and his vision focus sharply as his system was flooded with adrenaline. How had X-Ray found that shipping inventory? Worse still, the Mad King could see his own handwriting in the margins.

 _It’s going to ruin everything_.

The Mad King plucked the inventory from X-Ray’s hand and scrunched them up.

“This is just another attempt to come between us, Vav,” the Mad King tried.

“What's this about, X-Ray?” Vav asked, looking between the two of them, concerned.

“Nothing,” the Mad King said, keeping the wad of papers out of X-Ray's grasp.

“He's got a plan to take over the city,” X-Ray said, stopping his attempts to grab the inventory to glare at the Mad King, “and it starts by him seducing you to get us out of the way.”

“That’s a lie,” the Mad King said flatly.

“I've got proof! Solid evidence!” X-Ray said. “You said you’d trust me on that!”

Vav looked between the two of them, biting his lip. He obviously wasn't sure who to believe.

“Let me see the papers,” Vav said slowly.

“Don't you trust me, Vav?” the Mad King asked, attempting to arrange his face to look sorrowful.

“I do,” Vav said, “but I trust X-Ray too. Let me see the papers.”

X-Ray looked triumphant and snatched at the inventory again. The Mad King kept it out of his reach instinctively, mind furiously scrambling to find and excuse — any excuse — to keep Vav from reading his notes.

“Hilda's got copies,” X-Ray said suddenly, spinning around to face Vav.

“No!” the Mad King cried before his brain caught his mouth.

 _Fuck_. If that had been a bluff from X-Ray, he'd fallen right for it.

Vav was starting to look upset. He pushed past X-Ray and held out his hand for the inventory.

“Please,” Vav said quietly, when the Mad King didn't move.

There was no way out. The Mad King could attempt to destroy the papers and any copies before Vav saw them. Get X-Ray _alone_ until the bastard promised to keep quiet. But it wouldn't repair the damage that had already been done. Vav wouldn't trust him until this had been laid to rest, yet being honest would only drive Vav away.

There was no way out.

Silently, the Mad King dropped the wad of paper into Vav’s hands. The gentle smile from the superhero when he did so was nearly too much to bear.

Vav unscrunched the papers and started reading silently. His face got paler and paler the further he read, until his hands were shaking too much to continue.

“It’s not recent,” the Mad King said, trying to find a good reason for the inventory’s existence.

“Yeah, right,” X-Ray snorted, “Check the dates, Vav.”

“You…” Vav looked up at the Mad King, betrayal clear on his face. “Why?”

“It’s not what you think,” the Mad King said, “It had been my plan, but things changed.”

Vav turned away, rushing towards the bedroom. The Mad King ran after, ignoring X-Ray’s stupid smug smirking face.

Vav had already pulled his tights on before the Mad King got there. He tugged on his gloves as the Mad King struggled to find the right words.

“Vav—”

“ _Get away from me!_ ”

“No, Vav, listen —” the Mad King reached for him.

Vav flinched back, flinging up his hands between them. There was a blur of colour and light. The Mad King blinked and Vav vanished. He had to shake off the feeling that he’d just moved very fast very suddenly, when he knew it was the exact opposite.

So that’s what being hit with Vav’s slow mo hands felt like.

The Mad King rushed to the shattered remains of his front door, but there was no sign of Vav.

No.

_No!_

_You idiot._

It wasn’t meant to happen like this. The plan hadn't been comple—

 _The plan_.

The Mad King felt like he’d been hit with a bolt of lightning. _Of course_ . Vav would _have_ to stop him from taking over the city — Vav even had most of the Mad King’s notes on how it was going to go down. Vav would show up to stop him, the Mad King could persuade him to see things his way, then they would be back together.

Simple.

Almost on autopilot, the Mad King started pulling together his kilt and suit.

He plucked his crown out of the safe under his bed and buffed it with a cotton cloth until it was gleaming. Putting it on felt like finally becoming complete. Confidence settled into Mad King's bones, sure as the crown settled on his head.

He would get Vav back and then _nothing_ would stand in his way.

 

* * *

 

Monarch Labs had yet to make X-Ray feel welcome, but it hadn't ever looked this ominous before. Did miserable weather purposefully save itself up to make bad situations worse? Stinging cold rain lashed the windows and thunder rumbled menacingly overhead. The building itself was so dark that X-Ray couldn't even see the top in the gloom.

“Just routine saving the city,” X-Ray told himself. Except routine would have Vav by his side.

But X-Ray wasn’t going to let Vav have any part in this fight. He’d already been through enough, what with his boyfriend being a lying jerk of a supervillain. X-Ray hated seeing Vav look so depressed, so he’d decided to deal with the Mad King himself, simultaneously saving Vav the trouble of fighting his ex and getting X-Ray away from Vav’s moping.

He took a deep breath and marched forward.

Breaking into Monarch Labs was as easy as it had been the first time X-Ray had done it. Whoever had designed the ventilation system was a genius who obviously had known that superheroes would have to crawl through the ducts one day.

“Ow!” X-Ray yelped as his knee caught on something sharp.

Stupid designer, leaving sharp bits of metal poking out randomly. X-Ray crawled forward a few more paces and scratched his hand too.

“Okay, what the hell?”

His x-ray glasses didn’t have any sort of flashlight feature, but the x-ray ability itself was just enough for X-Ray to pick out a bunch of circular saw blades and spike traps set to make mincemeat out of someone crawling through the vents.

“ _Shit_.”

Of course — this was what the note on the shipping list reading ‘booby-trap the way in’ meant. X-Ray could’ve kicked himself, but was too busy scrambling through the vent as fast as he could go. He knees kept getting poked by traps that weren’t flush with the vent walls and he nearly had to leave a boot behind when the toe got snared on a twisty bit of barbed wire.

None of the traps sprang shut on X-Ray at any point. It was making him worried. He played video games: either traps went off on a set pattern, or they were motion activated. These were neither.

It could just be a ploy, some kind of head-game? Or maybe the Mad King hadn’t had time fully set the traps. Whatever it was, it didn’t fill X-Ray with confidence.

Vav. He was doing this for Vav. To show him once and for all that his ex was a lying douchebag and Vav shouldn’t waste any more time on him.

The ducts took him straight to a room filled with evil-looking machinery — that was also worrying, any side-passages had been smaller, X-Ray felt like he was being corralled — where someone was moving around in the shadows, pressing buttons on various things.

A glint of light caught the crown on the person’s head and X-Ray’s concerns vanished. He’d found what he was looking for.

“Your evil scheme ends here!” X-Ray declared, dropping into the room.

“And you think you can stop me.” The Mad King turned. When he next spoke his voice was shaking with rage, “alone?!”

“I’ve done it before and I can do it again,” X-Ray said confidently.

The Mad King wasn’t smiling. “I’m done with this game.”

He pulled a lever on the console in front of him and two guns came down from the ceiling. With the press of a button they started firing shuriken at X-Ray.

X-Ray dive-rolled to the side, ducking behind a lab bench. By the sounds of the shuriken embedding themselves in the table with solid _thunks_ the tracking was delayed by a few seconds.

Piece of cake.

X-Ray crawled to the far side of the table and poked his head out. The guns started to turn in his direction, but were too slow compared to his lasers.

One of the guns exploded in a satisfying shower of metal, while the other shorted out, shaking and sparking in unsteady jerks.

The Mad King’s crown hit X-Ray in the face and sent his glasses flying. X-Ray stumbled in the direction he thought they’d gone, searching on the floor for them.

“Oh no you don’t,” the Mad King’s foot came down between X-Ray's shoulder blades, grinding, “You’re not getting away that easily.”

X-Ray yelled. The Mad King grabbed him by the hair, lifted his head up, then slammed it full force into the ground. X-Ray felt his nose break with a nasty _crunch_. The floor beneath his face dripped red with blood.

The Mad King flipped X-Ray over, fury on his face and madness — well, what did X-Ray expect, really? — in his eyes.

“I’m going to tear you apart and mail the pieces to your mother,” the Mad King snarled.

“Yeah, I can totally see why Vav wanted you, with a mouth like that,” X-Ray said sarcastically, his voice nasally from his broken nose.

With a wordless roar, the Mad King slammed his crown pointy-end first into X-Ray left hand. The pain made X-Ray’s vision white out for a second.

 _Shit,_ that was his joystick hand.

The Mad King was saying something, but X-Ray couldn’t make it out. Colours were blurring together, his vision already fuzzy from lack of glasses. Static filled his ears. He was dimly aware of being dragged somewhere.

X-Ray came to as the Mad King finished tying him to a table. X-Ray struggled, but the straps were too tight. He couldn’t move an inch.

“Let me go!” X-Ray shouted.

“No,” the Mad King said simply.

He held a saw in one hand and a syringe in the other. X-Ray nearly blacked out again out of sheer fright. He struggled harder, to still no avail.

“Now, where to start?” the Mad King mused.

“Don't do this,” X-Ray pleaded. Inspiration struck, “Vav wouldn't want you to do this.”

“Vav doesn't care,” the Mad King snarled, dark amusement replaced with utter fury again, “You saw to that. Your stupid jealousy ruining everything! Vav and I —”

He was cut off by a laser blast hitting him square in the shoulder, forcing him to drop the syringe. X-Ray turned his head to see a blurry Hilda in her ORF suit, hand charging up for another shot.

“Step away from the idiot,” Hilda said, her voice distorted by ORF.

“You!” the Mad King cried, slapping ash off his jacket.

He dodged Hilda’s charged blast. Hilda leapt forward to punch the Mad King. He sidestepped and brought the saw down on her outstretched arm, making sparks fly.

“Ow!” said ORF, merrily.

Hilda just grunted and swung her other hand around, landing a hit. The Mad King fell back.

They moved far enough away that X-Ray's blurry vision couldn't make them out properly. He struggled again; this was his chance to get free while the Mad King was distracted.

The was a _clang_ and a sharp sting at X-Ray's left hand. The bolt holding his wrist down was suddenly looser. Squinting, X-Ray could just make out a shuriken embedded into the table he was trapped on.

X-Ray wriggled his wrist. The blade jabbed into his thumb joint with every twist, but he could feel his hand slipping out of the restraint.

With a triumphant yell, X-Ray yanked his hand free, leaving his glove snared.

 _Fuck_. His hand was bleeding heavily and hurt like a bitch.

Another, much louder _clang_ signalled Hilda crashing into X-Ray's table.

“Watch it!” X-Ray said.

Hilda’s panting breaths were coming through the suit like Darth Vader and there were several sparking wires dancing over tears in her armour.

“You're not free yet?” Hilda said in disbelief.

“Lost my fucking glasses, didn't I?” X-Ray said.

“Here.” Hilda pulled a spare pair of x-ray glasses out of some ORF compartment and dropped them on X-Ray's chest. “Make yourself useful for once.”

X-Ray's sarcastic reply was derailed by the wall opening and a laser gun emerging and beginning to charge up. Hilda pulled up a shield and braced for impact.

X-Ray slapped his glasses on, muffling a yelp of pain from his sore hand as he did so. The world snapped back into crystal focus.

He could even make out the evil snarl on the Mad King's face from across the room. The Mad King was looking much worse for wear and was leaning heavily on a console as he pulled a lever on it.

The laser fired, outlining Hilda's shield in dark blue energy and pushing her back against the table.

“I can't hold this for long,” she shouted to X-Ray, “get free or get fried!”

With his x-ray glasses back in action, the remaining restraints fell away in no time. X-Ray had barely vaulted over the table before Hilda flung herself to the side. Behind them the laser blasted the table to smoking smithereens.

“Why. Won't. You. Fucking. Die!?” the Mad King snarled, mashing buttons and yanking levers on the console.

“X-Ray! Blast it now!” Hilda shouted, “I've got you covered!”

“Blast what?” X-Ray asked, but Hilda was already busy blocking another laser shot.

The Mad King's console looked like a good enough target. X-Ray peeked around Hilda's shield and blasted the console.

It didn't straight up explode, much to X-Ray's surprise. Instead it started to glow. Red at first, then hotter until it was white.

“No. No! _No!_ NO!” Alarms nearly drowned out the Mad King's cries.

“Get down!”

Hilda tackled X-Ray to the floor as the console exploded.

The room filled with a thick oily black smoke. X-Ray sat up, coughing, and flicked on the x-ray vision in his glasses.

There was an unmoving prone pile of bones — probably the Mad King — and a distorted skeleton shaking its head and sitting up next to X-Ray.

“You know — _cough_ — ORF makes your bones — _cough cough_ — all fuzzy,” X-Ray choked out.

“Be nice to ORF,” Hilda said clearly, unaffected by the smoke. She surveyed the wreckage, “Well, this is going to be interesting to explain to the board.”

“Hey, I became a superhero to _avoid_ office politics,” X-Ray said, “you're on your own for that.”

“Fine,” Hilda sighed, “Then you've got to take _him_ back to the institute. Preferably before he wakes up.”

“ _Fine_.”


	5. in which Vav tries to understand his enemy and learns a little about himself along the way

The institute was always a miserable place, but the gates felt completely insurmountable to Vav. He had to do this. He _had_ to.

Why did it have to be so _hard?_

If anything the inside looked even worse than the last time Vav had visited. Cleaner than the outside, though far more run down. Vav readjusted his grip on the package he was holding and made his way through the dank corridors to a familiar door.

Stopping for a moment, Vav mentally ran through his checklist for what he wanted to say. He took a deep breath, and opened the door.

“Hello, Vav.”

The Mad King was still singed from Hilda's attack, but it made no difference to his intimidating aura.

“Hello,” Vav said. He should be saying more, taking control of the conversation, but his tongue felt too heavy to talk.

“Come to see what your sidekick and What's-Her-Face did to me?” The Mad King asked. His voice took on a sultry edge. “I can show you more. The burns go lower.”

“No!” Vav said quickly, recoiling, as the Mad King reached up to the collar of his prison jumpsuit. “No, that's not what I'm here for.”

“Then tell me why you've come.”

Vav shook his head to clear it of images of _that night_. He had a plan. He needed to stick to it.

“You seduced me,” Vav said, feeling a blush rise in his cheeks, “you did it to get me and X-Ray out of the way when you tried to take over the city.”

“I did,” the Mad King was smiling evilly like he always did — how had Vav ever seen it as genuinely happy and benign? “But my plans changed.”

“Did you decide you wanted to volunteer for the RSPCA? Because I don't see how your plans changing should mean anything to me — if they even did at all, and that’s not another lie, since you went ahead with your plan anyway.”

“Only to face you again. I found myself coming to care for you, Vav. We could be an unstoppable team. I couldn’t destroy you and X-Ray.”

“You nearly took X-Ray’s bloody head off!” Vav snapped.

“He got in my way!” the Mad King snarled back.

“You can’t just murder anyone in your way! That’s evil,” Vav was beginning to feel sick. He’d let this man, this _monster…_

“I thought you understood me, Vav.” The Mad King stepped closer to the glass.

“I _thought_ you were changing for the better,” Vav said, swallowing past the bile that was threatening to paint the floor, “you were learning empathy.”

The silence that followed said it all.

“People aren’t… aren’t _things_ for you to play with,” Vav said, suddenly close to tears for no reason, “ _I’m_ not —”

“ _You_ aren’t,” the Mad King interrupted, “I said I would never do you lasting harm and I meant it.”

“ _What do you think this is?_ ” Vav shouted, “I’m never going to forget what you did to me. All to get me and X-Ray out of your way to do horrible things to other people. If your plan had taken less time would I be lying dead in a ditch somewhere right now? Would you have carved me up with a bleedin’ knife because the urge just popped into your flipping head?”

“I wouldn’t, Vav, I love you.”

By the look on his face, the Mad King was just as surprised as Vav at that. Vav shook his head in disbelief.

“Even if you could love anyone — which you _can't_ — it’s not enough. You can’t just make everything you’ve done go away with words.” Vav was exhausted, he needed to get out of there, “I’ve dedicated my life to helping others. I can’t be with someone who hurts people for fun.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” The Mad King had a hand on the glass like he was trying to reach through and touch Vav.

Like he’d touched Vav that night.

“Yes, you did. I read your plan, remember,” Vav said tiredly, “and even if you gave up on killing me, you still hurt me. And you nearly killed X-Ray. He’s my best mate, did you think I’d be happy if you managed it?”

Vav picked up the package he’d dropped earlier and put it in the drawer that went through the glass wall. The Mad King watched him do it silently, unsmiling.

“Here’s the stuff you left at my place,” Vav said. “What they’d let me give you, anyway.”

“You’re just going to leave it at that?” the Mad King asked.

“I don’t think there’s anything else left to say,” Vav turned away.

“You’re not going to help me?” Vav forced himself to ignore whatever emotion was in the Mad King’s voice — it was all a lie anyway.

“I tried,” Vav replied, walking towards the door without looking back, “you made me give up. But you’re good at that, aren't you?”

“No. Don’t leave. You can’t leave!”

“Goodbye, Mad King,” Vav said, “maybe one day someone better than me can help you understand other people.”

“Vav! VAV! V—”

The door was heavy enough to block out sound. Vav leant against the wall outside, let out a long breath, then burst into tears.

 

* * *

 

X-Ray limped over to his couch, a plate of food held in the hand that wasn’t bandaged to crap. He sat down heavily.

“Ah!”

The plate dropped to the ground and shattered. X-Ray scrambled up as fast as his aching body would let him.

“Vav? What the hell?”

Vav was lying full length on the couch, staring at the ceiling. X-Ray grimaced at the spill on the floor, but when he opened his mouth to yell at Vav for it, something made him stop.

“Vav? You ok, buddy?” X-Ray asked.

“Fine,” Vav said in a thin voice. His eyes were bloodshot and his balled hands were shaking. Just above the collar of his superhero suit there was the yellowish-green remains of a hickey. X-Ray didn't want to think about how it had gotten there.

“Well…” X-Ray floundered, “If you need me to fetch Hilda or Ash for a girly shoulder to cry on, I can.”

“I’m fine,” Vav said, sounding even less sincere than before.

X-Ray shrugged to himself. No helping some people.

He settled on the floor in front of the TV and turned on the Xbox to lose himself in gaming. Playing with one hand would be hard, but if he could beat a game that way, the bragging rights would be infinite.

The sunlight coming in through the window dimmed until the only source of light was the TV.

“I really liked him.”

X-Ray swore loudly as his character died in a hail of brightly coloured lasers in his distraction. As the level restarted he looked back at Vav, who was staring at the loading screen as though it held the answers to a math test.

“I thought…” Vav sighed and closed his eyes, “I thought it meant something.”

“Life sucks,” X-Ray said. “At least you know better now.”

“How could I not have seen it?” Vav bemoaned.

“Hey, no one did,” X-Ray bumped Vav with his shoulder, “it’s not your fault. Even I was starting to believe it.”

Vav gave a weak smile. “Thanks, X-Ray.”

“No girly feelings,” X-Ray grimaced. He looked at the TV where his character was idling while the pause menu was up. “Wanna play?”

“Yeah, alright,” Vav said, taking the offered controller.

Vav wasn’t as good at video games as X-Ray, but he did have a flair for pulling off insane stunts that X-Ray never thought were possible. He wasn’t trying anything like that this time though, just dying over and over at the point X-Ray had gotten stuck at.

“How’s your hand?” Vav asked after his character was reduced to pixely giblets yet again.

“The doc says I’ll make a full recovery,” X-Ray replied, waving his bandaged hand.

Hilda had wanted to modify it and add extras to give him more powers, but X-Ray felt that an extreme body modification was a bit much right now. He'd only had a couple of stab wounds in it anyway.

If his hand got chopped off entirely however… well, that was a different story.

“That’s good. You’re a good mate, X-Ray,” Vav said quietly.

“Damn right I’m awesome,” X-Ray said. Maybe he should cut his best friend a bit of slack. “I know I’m not good at the mushy stuff, but because your boyfriend was a lying psycho, you get one free pass to cry or whatever.”

That startled a laugh out of Vav. He gave X-Ray a tired, but genuine, smile.

“Co-op?” Vav asked, jerking his head toward the TV.

“You’re on.”

 

* * *

 

“Thanks for meeting with me,” Ash said, “I'd really like your thoughts on this article I'm trying to write. I figure a fresh set of eyes will help me find out what's wrong with it.”

“I don't why you’d want me,” Vav muttered, fiddling dejectedly with his teaspoon, “I'm not good for noticing anything these days.”

Ash put down her notepad and pen and took one of Vav's hands between hers.

“X-Ray told me what happened,” she said, “if you ever need to talk about it, I'm here for you. I've had a couple of rough breakups myself.”

“Did any of your exes try to off your best mate?” Vav asked bitterly.

“Nick tried to burn my apartment down — he didn't get very far because it's pretty obvious when someone's trying to sneak in four cans of gasoline,” Ash said steadily, “and Ellie drew dicks all over my car in lipstick. Do you know how hard it is to clean off lipstick?”

“Sorry,” Vav said, “I didn't mean to —”

“It's okay,” Ash said quickly, “goodness knows I wasn't the most charitable around my breakups. I just want you to know that I've been there, and I can help.”

“Thanks, Ash.” Vav managed a wobbly smile.

“Do you want to talk about it, or do you want something to take your mind off things?” Ash asked.

Vav shrugged. He didn't really care.

“Alright then.” Ash picked up her notepad again and nudged the unfinished article towards Vav. “Let me know if anything seems off. I've been interviewing witnesses all day, but I feel like I'm missing something really obvious.”

“When do you need it for?”

“I want to get a copy out tonight,” Ash replied, “To keep a blog like mine going you need a consistent update schedule.”

“It really keeps you busy, dunnit?” Vav said.

He picked up the article and started reading. It covered two robberies that had happened last night, one on a bunch of precious metals from some art installation and the other from the museum’s geology exhibit. It was well-written, as anything Ash wrote was, but Vav was struggling to see the reason behind it.

“You’ve spelt ‘recently’ wrong here,” Vav said, pointing the section out. “I’m not seeing anything else wrong, except…”

Ash paused, corrective red pen hovering over her typo. “Except…?”

“Is there really a link between these thefts?” Vav asked, “It’s not clear what it could be.”

“That’s the problem,” Ash sighed. “I _know_ there’s a link, the setups are too similar and the witness descriptions match in too many ways for it to be a coincidence, but I just can’t bring it all together. Who even needs gold and obsidian anyway?”

“Obsidian’s really sharp, innit? Someone who wants really fancy knives?” Vav suggested.

His mind immediately flashed to another knife.

“ _You don’t believe that in the hands of someone capable, using a blade like this to press down just hard enough to draw blood wouldn’t be erotic?_ ”

What if it was something the Mad King was planning? He liked knives, he’d made that very clear to Vav, maybe he wanted a new toy to cut up some poor unsuspecting civilian. Maybe he’d run the obsidian tip of a gold-handled blade up their sternum and promise to _show them_ exactly how it would be pleasurable.

Vav shivered and tried not to think too hard on the fact that the scenario didn’t disgust him as much as it should.

“...so I think a knife collector would have gone after the display across the hall,” Ash finished.

Vav pretended to have been paying attention. “Right.”

“I might just have to scrap the whole thing,” Ash sighed again, “I know there’s something behind this, but every witness I interview, every police report I read, it just makes even less sense.”

“Is there any link between the owners of the displays?” Vav asked, trying to be helpful.

“They’re both rich businessmen who move in the same circles — I haven’t been able to reach either of them for an interview. And all I’ve found out from their recent business dealings is that they both turned down a previous offer of purchase on their exhibits from a company dealing in farming and mercantile supplies,” Ash replied.

“Are they a suspect then?”

“Possibly,” Ash said, “but digging into them has turned up nothing. I’ve only found a logo, no name or owner to be found.”

She flipped through her notes and showed Vav a sketch of a sheep’s head hastily scribbled in pen.

“Yeah, not much to go on,” Vav agreed.

“I could still point fingers,” Ash said. “Either they stay silent and give my story more credibility, or they come out of the shadows to disprove it and give me more information on the whole company.”

“That sounds like it could be dangerous,” Vav warned.

“Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had danger come knocking,” Ash said, “I can take care of myself. And when I can’t, I know the perfect superhero to come save me.”

Vav cracked a smile and took a quick sip of tea to hide his attempt to swallow the lump in his throat.

“Alright, I’ll rewrite the article,” Ash said, “I’d been thinking of taking it that way and you just confirmed it for me. Thanks, Vav.”

“Anytime.”

It was nice to get out of X-Ray’s basement. Normally Vav didn’t mind living with his best mate, but he’d been wallowing for days now and X-Ray wasn’t very good at being sympathetic. Sometimes Vav wished he had his own place. Just this little bit of fresh air, personal space, and a friendly distraction had done him so much good.

Plus, Ash might be better to bounce some ideas of his own off.

“So, Ash, you're like, bi, right?” Vav asked, stumbling over the words.

“I prefer pansexual,” Ash corrected. “Why? Are you trying to figure out your sexuality?”

“Kinda?” Vav shrugged. “It's not something I've really thought about before. It's not a topic I could talk to X-Ray about — he wouldn't take things seriously.”

“You can talk to me, Vav,” Ash promised. “Start from the top and tell me how you're feeling. Have you noticed your desires changing?”

“Well, I definitely fancy women,” Vav said, “but I was dating a guy. But also, I don't think I find other blokes that attractive? But I enjoyed the sex — another knob wasn't a deal-breaker. But I've not shagged a bird before, so I don't know how I feel about that.”

“What does beastiality have to do with this?” Ash interrupted.

“You what?”

“Sex with birds,” Ash said, “why would you want to have sex with a bird? Though I did hear about a bank robber who was into it.”

“Yeah, birds. Women,” Vav said. Sometimes Americans could be so _American_.

“Oh, right. Carry on.”

“That’s basically it,” Vav said, “I think bir— _women_ look nice. I think sex with blo— _men_ is nice. Can’t say for certain about things the other way around.”

“What do you want to call yourself?” Ash asked. “Bisexual would cover it as far as most people’s definitions go. Or if you want to go more specific, it sounds to me like you’re heteroromantic with more bisexual leanings? Or perhaps demi-homosexual tendencies? That is, you’re only interested in men sexually if you’ve had a chance to get to know them. What do you think?”

“Wouldn’t that mean I want to shag X-Ray then?”

“Not necessarily,” Ash said, “For example, before this you considered yourself exclusively hetrosexual, but were you interested in every single woman who crossed your path? Tastes vary and it’s probably the case that X-Ray isn’t to your sexual tastes while certain other men you've gotten to know are.”

“Sounds like a right faff,” Vav said, feeling overwhelmed.

“Most people will stop listening after the first or second definition,” Ash agreed, “but we’re not talking about other people. This is about you and how you might want to present yourself for future relationships. What labels would you comfortably describe yourself as? And remember, this isn’t going to define you for the rest of your life if you want to change it later.”

Vav thought. He was definitely interested in women _and_ men, but it wasn’t as clear cut as that. Did he really want to complicate it further to get more precise?

“I might just say I’m bi,” Vav said slowly, tasting the word, “Nice and easy, and I don’t have to stop and think about what it means when I say it.”

“Alright then,” Ash said, smiling.

Feeling a little better, Vav demolished the rest of his lunch, while Ash told him a much more lighthearted story that she’d had to cover recently. Nothing bad could ever happen at a kids bouncy castle event.

“Well, I can’t hang around here all day,” Ash said, pushing her empty mug away and gathering her notes, “I really need to get this posted soon.”

“Hey, Ash?” Vav said, as Ash stood up, “I’m… well, yeah… I’m sorry we didn’t work out.”

Ash got a wistful look on her face. “Me too, for what it’s worth,” she said, “You’ll find someone, someday.”

“Maybe,” Vav allowed. He wasn’t feeling terribly optimistic. “Good luck with your article.”

Vav wandered down the street, wondering how long he could put off going home and seeing X-Ray try to be sympathetic. Part of Vav still irrationally blamed X-Ray for ruining everything, no matter how many times he stomped on it and told himself firmly that he was glad X-Ray had uncovered the truth.

That part of Vav _definitely_ shouldn’t also be wistfully looking back on his dates with the Mad King.

“Ahhhhh! Help me!” a voice cried out. It was coming from a newsagent’s.

Oh, thank goodness, a crime to stop.

Vav leapt into action. He rushed into the store, slow mo hands outstretched and ready to catch the perpetrators. A shopkeep was being menaced by someone in a full balaclava and a gun.

Unless Vav was wrong, the person in a balaclava was the bank robber they’d stopped a few weeks ago. He hadn't run into another criminal that short yet.

“Stop right there,” Vav said, “This is — _ak!_ ”

His wrists were grabbed by two people he hadn’t seen and forced up behind his back, making his slow mo gloves useless. Rimmy Tim sauntered over to Vav, grin clear even beneath the balaclava.

“Gotcha, you shit, now you're gonna pay.  
This is shaping up to be a really great day.”

“What?” Vav saw the shopkeep leaning on the counter, looking bored. Had they been in on this? Vav struggled. “Let me go!”

“Make sure he’s tied up properly, use the duct tape.  
We don’t want him to fucking escape,” Rimmy Tim said to the others.

“Let’s see you use your slow mo now,” one of the goons said. Vav recognised his voice — Ethnic Freyco. Which meant that the other goon was probably White Freyco.

A zip-tie was hastily pulled tight around Vav’s wrists, and then his hands were wrapped liberally in tape. He couldn’t believe it; he was being kidnapped, probably by the Mad King. And the use of Freyco might mean that the attempted murder on their first date was a setup to make the Mad King look good too — Vav really was an idiot for ever believing that there was good in a supervillain.

“Bugger this for a lark.”

Vav kicked out, catching White Freyco in the knee. He yelped and Vav managed to twist away and fall shoulder-first onto a shelf of crisps. His hands being tied up really wasn’t helping his escape plan.

Ethnic Freyco and Rimmy Tim avoided a haphazard slow mo shot and grabbed Vav again. Rimmy Tim drove a fist into Vav’s gut, winding him and making his vision go all fuzzy. They dragged him out of the shop with ease.

Vav was hustled into the back of a limo. Ethnic Freyco clicked his seatbelt in place, which would have been appreciated if not for the way it pressed his bound arms painfully into his back.

“Look, whatever the Mad King’s plan is, you know he’s not going to get away with it. If you let me go right now I’ll put in a good word. You know X-Ray’s going to fry you with his laser vision if you don’t,” Vav bluffed.

“The Mad King?” Ice ran down Vav’s spine as a familiar eyepatch and monocle appeared out of the shadows at the other end of the limo. “That landlubber be having nothin' to do with this. This be me work, yarr.”

“Oh bugger,” Vav squeaked.

That wasn’t good.


	6. in which Vav’s absence is felt by all

“What did you do with Vav?”

X-Ray had searched everywhere he could think of for his best friend, and now he was truly desperate. The Mad King’s cell was the same as the last time X-Ray had been there, though the glass now had ‘do not break’ printed clearly in yellow all the way around the edges.

The Mad King was looking haughty and evil and X-Ray hated him with every fibre of his being. He wasn’t going to fall for any tricks this time around.

“He’s missing?” Something that wasn’t an evil grin flickered across the Mad King’s face for a second. “And of course you suspect me.”

“Well, yeah,” X-Ray glared, “you’re the one with the evil plan.”

“That you foiled,” the Mad King said.

“Doesn’t mean you haven’t got something else cooked up,” X-Ray said. “What have you done to Vav?”

“Nothing he didn't _beg_ for.”

It took X-Ray an embarrassingly long moment to get that. Oh. _Eww._ He spluttered and the Mad King laughed.

“I don't want to know about that!” X-Ray coughed and averted his eyes from the Mad King's smug grin.

“Then why have you come here?” the Mad King asked, “I've been stuck in this cell since you interrupted my last set of plans.”

“That…” X-Ray faltered, trying to remember his pre-interrogation chat with Hilda, “Oh, yeah. That didn't stop you managing to kidnap Mogar’s mother last time.”

“A plan that took months to come together,” the Mad King said, “I’ve barely had a week since being thrown in here.”

“It's obviously you,” X-Ray said, “Vav came to see you then vanished the next day. Plenty of time for you to pick up on something he said and make a plan to kidnap him.”

“Vav's been missing for three days?” the Mad King's gaze zeroed in on X-Ray uncomfortably, “and you haven't found him yet?”

“Because you've got him held somewhere,” X-Ray snapped, “You’re not getting me to talk this time. You’re telling me where Vav is right now or I’m leaving.”

“And what would you hope to accomplish by leaving?” the Mad King asked. “You’d be no closer to finding Vav. You need my help.”

“So you admit it!”

“I don’t have Vav,” the Mad King said sharply, “and if I find someone has harmed him I’ll make them play my _special_ version of Russian roulette.”

X-Ray took an involuntary step back in fear. The Mad King’s eyes snapped to him, catching the movement, burning intensely.

“Get me out of here, X-Ray,” the Mad King bargained, “I’ll help you find Vav and keep him safe.”

“He won't be safe if he's anywhere near you,” X-Ray said.

“Like he's safe with _you?_ ”

“Shut up!” X-Ray snapped. “At least I didn't break his heart!”

Whatever the Mad King had been preparing to say vanished.

“I didn't mean to hurt him,” the Mad King said softly.

“Well, you did,” X-Ray said, uncomfortable with the sincerity in the Mad King's voice.

“I don't have him,” the Mad King said. He paced the length of his cell, then turned to X-Ray. “You can move freely in the city. Go to Monarch Labs, What's-Her-Face should be able to bypass the security on the safe in my office. There’s information there on something that was stolen from me. It’s a device which may be able to harm Vav. If you can track it down you’ll likely find him.”

X-Ray shook his head. “You're just trying to trick me.”

“If it was only you, yes, I'd try to trick you. I'd enjoy doing it,” the Mad King said. “But not when Vav's life on the line.”

“You really care about him,” X-Ray said, not sure if the revelation made him feel relieved or queasy. On one hand, it was great that Vav actually had someone interested in him properly. On the other… X-Ray didn’t want to think about any of his friends banging, especially with their archnemesis.

“He’s _mine._ ” The Mad King’s voice was barely above a snarl, dark and possessive.

“ _Right_ , that's why you're absolutely in a loving committed relationship right now — oh wait,” X-Ray said, rolling his eyes.

The Mad King's fist hit the glass. “Shut up!”

“Yeah, I totally forgot that murderous criminal assholes get Vav's motor going.”

“Do you want to know _exactly_ how I got Vav's motor going?” The Mad King asked. “He likes —”

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!” X-Ray covered his ears and met the Mad King's glare with one equally fierce.

They were at a standstill.

“I'm going to get that stuff,” X-Ray said, “and if it turns out it's a trap I'm going to tell Vav you tried to kill me again — then he'll never trust you.”

X-Ray turned to walk triumphantly out of the cell when the Mad King's voice stopped him.

“And if you betray this trust I’m putting in you, I'll make sure Vav never finds your body,” he promised darkly, “and he'll need _comforting_ in his moment of sorrow.”

“That’s way too creepy, dude.”

The sunlight outside couldn’t quite wash away the chill that permeated the entire institute. X-Ray shivered, took one last look back at the nightmarish building, and headed off.

 

* * *

 

“R—”

“I’ve told you my preferences for how to refer to me,” the Mad King interrupted.

“And I’ve said time and again that being referred to as ‘the Mad King’ only encourages your delusions,” Dr Goodman replied evenly.

“My choice of name isn’t the problem. Vav accepted that. Moaned my _chosen_ name through orgasm. There are more pressing issues I have to face first.”

“You talked one of my colleagues into suicide and another into letting you go free, why should I consider marking anything other than ‘incurably insane’ on your paperwork?”

“Because I want to change,” the Mad King replied.

“I’ve listened to the tapes of your sessions with them,” Dr Goodman said steadily. “Try something new.”

“How am I supposed to do that?” the Mad King snarled, “I researched how to appear sane perfectly. How will my actual healing look any different?”

“Therapy isn’t a one-size-fits-all. Your path to sanity is unique.” Dr Goodman checked her notes. “At the start of the session you said you wanted to ‘get Vav back’, not that you wanted to get better.”

“I was telling the truth.”

“A first time for everything it seems.”

The Mad King fell silent. _Why are my past actions affecting things this much?_ This was going to be trickier than he’d originally thought.

Dr Goodman turned her notepad onto a fresh page.

“We’ll play it your way for this part of the session,” she said, “take a moment to think about your relationship with Vav, and then we’ll go over some exercises to help clarify some things.”

The Mad King had been avoiding doing just that since X-Ray’s visit. Well, no one said therapy would be easy.

Start with the obvious.

 _Vav hates you_.

It shouldn’t have come as a surprise, given everything — it had even been a central part of his original plan — but the Mad King hadn’t been prepared for how much it would _hurt_. Vav had turned his back and walked away, because there was nothing for him here.

Because the Mad King was an unfixable monster and Vav was light and beauty and everything good.

What was the point in being a supervillain if it couldn’t get you what you wanted?

Hurting X-Ray had been a mistake. Going ahead with the plan had been a mistake. The Mad King should’ve followed Vav home and made him listen to reason.

…But maybe Vav would’ve seen that as wrong, too. Breaking and entering, and stalking, were crimes after all.

Breaking the law had become a habit the Mad King would need to kick if he ever wanted Vav on his side again.

Maybe that wouldn’t be the hard part. It just added an element of challenge to his plots. If he was as skilled a planner as he liked to think, it would merely make things more interesting.

 _Vav wouldn’t want that_.

_How do you know?_

“ _At least I didn't break his heart!_ ”

_You did, you tore it to shreds. Admit it, you enjoyed watching his face when he found out._

_No I didn’t! It doesn’t matter. There’s no point to this._

_Yes there is. You broke Vav’s heart, remember that. Picture the moment again. It’s what you —_

“That’s enough.”

Dr Goodman’s voice startled the Mad King out of his spiralling thoughts.

“Tell me: were you happy?” Dr Goodman asked. “Before you were involved with Vav, were you happy?”

The Mad King stayed silent, not wanting his scramble of chaotic thoughts to come spilling out, but she seemed to guess the answer.

“Trying to play everyone at all times, not letting your guard down. It must have been lonely.”

It had been lonely. _Achingly_ so. No one to chat over breakfast with or wake up next to. No one to take an interest in his projects or _smile_ at him like Vav would.

 _Vav made you happy and you threw it all away_.

“That morning,” the Mad King said haltingly, his voice catching for some reason, “before X-Ray showed up and ruined everything. That morning was the happiest of my entire life.”

“How do you think Vav felt when he found out?”

 _Picture it again_.

“I… I don’t know,” the Mad King said, “he looked… stricken? He was unhappy, but I don’t know by what exact emotion.”

“How do you think Vav’s feeling right now?”

“Kidnapped,” the Mad King said shortly.

“And emotionally?”

“How am I supposed to know that? Scared? Angry?” The Mad King groaned. “I don’t know, I need to see him to read him.”

“Reading people and empathising with them are very different skills. We’ve tried this exercise before, but I think it will work better this time,” Dr Goodman said, “Close your eyes.”

The Mad King sat back and let his eyes shut.

“Pretend you’re Vav. You want to make the world a better place, even if it doesn’t benefit you.”

“This isn’t going to work,” the Mad King interrupted, opening his eyes to glare at Dr Goodman.

“It’s never going to work if you don’t try,” she said patiently, “Close your eyes, please.”

The Mad King grudgingly did so. _Pretend to be Vav_ , what nonsense.

“Do you think you can answer some questions for me, as Vav?” Dr Goodman asked.

The Mad King shrugged.

“Let’s start.” There was a rustle as Dr Goodman turned over the page of her notebook. “Tell me three key things about yourself, Vav.”

“He… _I_ am a superhero,” the Mad King replied. It left a strange taste in his mouth, “I’m British. My best friend is called X-Ray.” _Urgh._

“Why do you do good, Vav?”

“To make myself feel good,” the Mad King replied.

“For no other reason?”

“What other reason is there?”

There was a pause. The Mad King could picture Dr Goodman steepling her fingers and visually dissecting him.

“Doing the right thing is its own reward, wouldn’t you agree?” she said.

“No,” the Mad King said, “what’s the point in doing something that has no benefit to yourself? It makes no sense.”

“Is that how Vav thinks of it?” Dr Goodman pressed.

 _He’s told you otherwise_.

Had Vav been lying about wanting to help people for the sake of helping people? The Mad King had assumed so at the time because that was the only way it made sense, but equally there was no reason for Vav to lie. He was an honest person at heart.

_It just doesn’t make sense — it’s not viable to be altruistic._

_Vav is._

_I… I don’t understand_.

“No,” the Mad King said slowly, “Vav does good purely because he believes it’s the right thing to do.”

“You don’t sound like you trust him on that one,” Dr Goodman noted.

“It doesn’t make sense!”

“We would not be where we are in society if everyone was truly out for themselves,” Dr Goodman said. “Humanity in general is a cooperative species, filled with individuals who have selfish moments.”

“Like me, all the time.”

“You run a business that provides jobs and owns establishments, which other people may use for a price. Not to mention products under the Monarch Labs’ label that have helped countless civilians. You may not have intended to be selfless, but it's impossible for someone in your position to be truly selfish.” Dr Goodman tapped her notepad. “Understand that I'm not trying to justify your reprehensible behaviours, only to let you see that you have a role within cooperative human society.”

The Mad King wasn't sure how correct that was. It tasted false to him, but Dr Goodman appeared to believe what she was saying.

“Vav helps people because he wants to help them,” the Mad King reiterated, feeling more confident with that part of his answer at least. “Even if it's not the most sensible way to keep himself safe.”

_I don't need to understand, just accept that that's how he is._

_And who will keep Vav safe? You?_

“Good.” Dr Goodman brought the Mad King out of his thoughts again. “Now, let’s get back to the exercise. Vav, can you tell me more about X-Ray?”

“He’s an idiot.”

“Vav,” Dr Goodman said sharply, “Remember to be Vav.”

“Fine.” The Mad King straightened in his chair, trying to replicate how Vav sat, “X-Ray is a hero, like me. He might not always have the best reasons for helping people, but he still does.”

“Very good. Can you tell me about another friend of yours?”

“There’s What's-Her-Face… Hilda. Vav — _I_ call her Miss Hilda,” the Mad King said. This was hard. “She works for Monarch Labs.”

“You’ve been inside Monarch Labs several times, haven’t you? How does the building make you feel, Vav?”

“It’s a building. Why would it make anyone feel anything?”

“Think about Vav’s experiences with Monarch Labs,” Dr Goodman encouraged, “Has he made good memories? Bad ones? I don’t need detailed descriptions, a ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ will do.”

“My superhero equipment was made there — that must be a positive,” the Mad King said, “I've had to stop th— m— … a supervillain there. Twice. That's a negative. Two negatives.”

“What do you think about the Mad King, Vav?”

“I hate him.” It slipped out before the Mad King could stop himself.

 _It’s true_.

“Do you?”

“Of course he does!” the Mad King exploded, “I manipulated him, founded our relationship on a lie, hurt his best friend, and betrayed his principles. What could he possibly feel for me except hate?”

“If Vav had done that to you, how you would feel?” Dr Goodman asked.

“Angry.”

“Would you hate him for it?”

 _Could_ he hate Vav?

“No, it would just be anger,” the Mad King said.

“Are you sure?” Dr Goodman pressed. “You’ve been angry at him in the past, for thwarting your schemes, but given your recent relationship with Vav, is anger all you would feel?”

“Yes,” the Mad King said stubbornly.

“Pretend it was a plot. What would you hope to achieve by treating Vav like that? What emotions would you rely on him having after everything had come together? That was how your original plan was set up — how was Vav meant to react? Remember to try and put yourself in his shoes, how would you have felt?”

The Mad King could still see Vav’s face draining of colour when he found out. If Vav had told him it was all a lie after they’d shared such an intimate morning, would it have only incited anger?

_No._

“I hurt him,” he said quietly.

“Yes. Yes, you did,” Dr Goodman said. “Do you still think he’s angry at you?”

“Yes.”

“But is that all?”

“He’s hurt, and scared,” the Mad King replied.

“Why scared?”

“Because if I could do that to him, how can he trust anyone?”

“You've made significant progress in this exercise,” Dr Goodman commented, “excellent work.”

The praise only made the Mad King think of Vav. Vav was always nice and encouraging. Even if the Mad King never saw him again, he felt like Vav would support his efforts to improve his mental health.

The huge old grandfather clock in corner chimed the hour. It felt like it had tolled the Mad King back into the real world. His limbs were light. He hadn't realised it had gotten so late in the day.

“I think that's enough for today,” Dr Goodman said, making a final note on her pad. “The guard will be back shortly to escort to back to your cell. I'll see you tomorrow.”

“I’m not free to go? But you’ve acknowledged that I’ve made progress!”

“Therapy is a process, there’s no magical fix-all. How you’re feeling now isn’t indicative of your general mental state. The unhealthy parts of your mind will fight back against our progress today — we have a lot of work to do over the coming months.”

“Months?!” The Mad King stared at her in anger and disbelief.

“Months before I’d even consider releasing you back into society on a provisional basis. It’s more likely to be years before you’re anywhere close to completely well,” Dr Goodman corrected.

“I can’t wait that long! Vav —” The Mad King cut himself off with a shake of his head. “Something’s happening in the city _now_. I need to be out there to stop it.”

“And how do I know that you’re not behind this? You will be released when _I_ believe you are ready, not before.”

The Mad King fumed all the way back to his cell. He couldn't even enjoy the obvious fear rolling off the guards who were escorting him.

The cell was exactly thirteen square feet. There were seven hundred and three bricks making up the walls. Every forty-seven seconds the light outside the door would flicker.

The Mad King had memorised it all months ago, when he was first thrown into this hole. Now, even recounting didn’t occupy his mind like he wanted it to. He was stuck here. Stuck while Vav was in trouble.

He paced around the cell, contemplating and dismissing plans that clearly wouldn't work. There was no way he’d get a badger in time, not to mention the difficulty involved in training it to do what he wanted with a bag of chips.

One circuit had him kick a package. _The_ package. The one Vav had brought during his visit. The Mad King had been avoiding looking in it, not wanting to be forced to remember the look on Vav's face when he'd handed the package over.

Well today was a day for clearing the air and dispelling demons. The Mad King sat down on his uncomfortable, thin bed with the package in his lap.

The first thing the Mad King saw was a couple of menus for the restaurants he'd visited with Vav. He hadn't known Vav had kept them.

_He really is done with you._

Strange, that Vav had gone to the lengths of hoarding menus like they were important. They weren’t even altered as far as the Mad King could see, no secret messages or hidden codes, just plain menus.

_You kept trophies once._

It wasn't the same, but… the Mad King moved on to the next item. He could puzzle over incomprehensible superhero behaviour for days and get nowhere.

He reached into the package and pulled out… a pair of socks?

They were the Mad King’s socks — unless Vav had taken to getting his own embroidered with a crown symbol — and it made no sense for Vav to have had them. Had he gone and raided the Mad King’s apartment to bring him something potentially comforting? That sounded like something Vav might do.

Though that sounded a bit generous of Vav, given his upset the last time the Mad King had seen him.

Perhaps an unintentional collection then? Vav had been in a rush to escape the Mad King after he’d found out the truth, maybe he’d grabbed the wrong pair of socks in his hurry and hadn’t realised it until later.

That was everything. The package was now empty. The Mad King was even more confused and off-kilter than the therapy session had made him.

_What does it mean?_

_What should I do?_

Escape was always possible, but breaking out unlawfully would only turn Vav further away.

However, staying inside wasn’t an option if it meant Vav died at someone else’s hands, while the Mad King wasted away behind bars.

And the legal way out would take too long — it might not even be possible if the Mad King truly was beyond redemption.

_What would Vav want?_

Vav would want the world and all its people saved. Even if there was no benefit to himself.

 _And who will save Vav? X-Ray means well, but he’s incompetent_.

“Plan B then,” the Mad King said quietly.

Whatever else happened, he wasn’t staying here while Vav was in danger.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, kid,” Rusty announced himself, dusting off his shirt from where he’d landed on the floor coming through the window into the basement. “You got a minute?”

“Yes!” X-Ray chucked aside the papers he’d been puzzling over with desperate glee. “Any news of Vav?”

“I’ve not heard anything about him. But I _have_ got a lead on the latest evil plan in the works.” Rusty pulled a grimy piece of paper out of nowhere and waved it in X-Ray’s face with a flourish. “The Corpirate’s back in business.”

“Aww man. Why does everything happen at once?” X-Ray groaned.

“I’ve got a theory about that. Goes all the way to the top,” Rusty said.

“Yeah, yeah,” X-Ray waved him off. “So what’s this about the Corpirate?”

“He’s been moving a lot of stuff from the docks. His men have, anyway,” Rusty said, pulling out a detailed map of the city’s dockyards from somewhere X-Ray didn't want to contemplate. He pointed to one of the warehouses: “I’ve been tracking some pretty high-tech gizmos that were shipped in a few days ago. And check whose signature is on the order.”

X-Ray glanced at the grimy paper Rusty had shoved in his face. “If you say so. Looks like anyone’s random squiggle to me.”

“Kid, you don’t be someone’s business partner for years without knowing what their signature looks like,” Rusty said defensively, “Anyway, I followed the van to the Corpirate’s mercantile supply building. Whatever he’s setting up, he’s doing it there. And I reckon it’s not gonna be any good for the city — after all, leopards don’t change their spots.”

X-Ray grimaced as that made him think of the Mad King’s promises to turn to the side of good, and by association Vav and his disappearing act.

Wait a second.

Stray wires in X-Ray’s brain snapped together with a spark of intuition.

“Vav’s been kidnapped,” X-Ray said slowly, “and the Corpirate’s popped up again and looks to be making a move.”

“You think he’s nabbed your friend?” Rusty asked, stroking his chin thoughtfully. “Would make sense as to why I’m not hearing anything from the Mad King’s network.”

“Where's the Corpirate? I bet wherever he is, that's where we'll find Vav,” said X-Ray, excitement and hope building for the first time in ages.

“The man himself has been elusive, but all his tech is definitely being setup in his offices,” Rusty said. “I'd say that's the best place to start. I've got the schematics, you never know when something like this’ll happen.”

Plans were made and X-Ray set off, full of fire and determination that he only usually felt when getting achievements.

Time for solo X-Ray to save the day!

“Don’t worry, Vav. I’ll find you soon.”


	7. in which evil is faced within and without

Vav woke up strapped to a machine with his arms above his head. It was almost a welcome change from his hands being trapped behind his back. He tugged experimentally, but it felt too secure for him to break free quickly.

He peered around. The room he was in was pitch black, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t the same cramped cell he’d been kept in so far.

“Hello?” Vav called tentatively.

A pair of doors at the opposite end of the room to Vav were flung open. For a moment, all Vav could see was a silhouette against the brightness of the corridor behind, but then the lights inside the room were flicked on and he flinched away, blind.

“Ye be awake then,” the Corpirate drawled as he sauntered into the room.

When Vav could see again, he could make out banks of computers and lab tables covered in notes and equipment. And there, floating in a strange beam of green light, were his slow-mo gloves.

“What do you want?” Vav demanded.

The Corpirate approached with a sinister smile. Vav hoped his nervous gulp wasn’t too noticeable.

“I be wantin’ yer powers,” the Corpirate said, “It shames me to think it took me four months of fallin’ off a buildin’ to see the business opportunity right in front of me eyes.”

“You mean your eye, singular.”

“Shut up, ye scurvy dog!” the Corpirate snapped, “and tell me how to unlock the treasure of yer gloves.”

“What? You don’t want me for that,” Vav said, “Hilda’s the one who made them, I haven't the foggiest how they work.”

“Aye, and what a clever wench she be, makin’ your gloves work only fer ye,” the Corpirate said, “too clever for me own scientists to reverse-engineer. Looks like I’ll be needin’ to keep ye alive for a bit longer. But not fer too long — I’ve sent me trusty crew Rimmy Tim and Murderin’ Freyco to bring the wench here so she can fix it up or taste the cat-o’-nine-tails.”

“Leave Miss Hilda alone!”

“Tell me how yer gloves work and I’ll call ’em off.”

“I don’t know,” Vav said, mouth dry, “please, leave her alone.”

The Corpirate turned on his heel. “And what're ye gonna do about it?” he threw over his shoulder as he left.

The doors shut with a pneumatic hiss and Vav started pulling at his restraints again. Unfortunately they hadn’t gotten any looser while he’d been talking with the Corpirate. At least the lights had been left on this time.

Something caught Vav’s eye — a stencilled crown mark on the outside of the cuff on his left wrist. His stomach sank.

“Seducing me and nearly killing X-Ray wasn’t enough for you?” Vav said aloud, bitterness heavy on his tongue. He sighed. Why had he ever thought a supervillain could be any better?

_Except…_

“ _I’m lucky to be able to count on your support._ ”

It had felt _so_ genuine. Vav had had his doubts here and there, but not for that. It didn’t even mean all that much, but that moment kept replaying in Vav’s head.

And anyway, hadn’t the Corpirate said that the Mad King hadn’t been involved with this plan? Not that Vav would put faith in anything the Corpirate said, but he shouldn’t be accusing without proof.

…though maybe the cuffs marked with the logo of Monarch Labs were proof enough?

Vav shook his head. He should really be figuring out an escape instead of continuing down that path. He was regretting not memorising the Mad King’s plans, as they’d probably mentioned something about these restraints.

_Crash!_

A section of air duct landed suddenly in front of Vav, making him jump. A second later, X-Ray fell from the ceiling with a yell.

“X-Ray!”

“Vav?” X-Ray said from his twisted position on the floor, “Ha! I found you! I totally knew I would.”

“Hurry up and get me out of this,” Vav said, “the Corpirate's gonna be back any second.”

“ _Thanks for finding me, X-Ray_. Sure, Vav, no problem,” X-Ray commented, as he started to examine the contraption holding Vav in place.

“Thanks for finding me, X-Ray,” Vav parroted dutifully.

“Now with less sarcasm.”

“It’s really good to see you, X-Ray.” Vav struggled against his restraints. “But please, _hurry_.”

“Chill, I’m working on it.” X-Ray crouched down to look at one of Vav's ankle cuffs. A quick laser-flash freed Vav's foot.

Alarms started blaring.

“Shit.”

“Hurry up, X-Ray!”

“Hold still…”

The doors were flung open and the Corpirate strolled in, giving Vav a strong feeling of déjà vu.

“That be far enough,” the Corpirate said, twirling his moustache.

X-Ray leapt to his feet, fists at the ready. “Your evil scheme ends here.”

“Give me yer best shot,” the Corpirate said confidently.

He strode forward boldly, picking up a cutlass from the wall. X-Ray pressed the button on his glasses and shot a laser at him. The Corpirate parried it.

“Is that _ever_ going to work?” X-Ray complained.

The Corpirate laughed. He was closing in. X-Ray ran around the lab bench, putting it between him and the Corpirate.

“Always runnin’ and hidin’, like the lily-livered coward ye be,” the Corpirate taunted.

The Corpirate swung the cutlass down, bisecting the bench. He kicked through the wreckage, easily deflecting another laser blast from X-Ray.

“X-Ray!” Vav shouted, “Plan 53-7T!”

X-Ray grabbed a beaker off the bench and flung it at the Corpirate. When he blocked it, X-Ray dive-rolled behind another bench. The Corpirate chased and stabbed through it, embedding his cutlass solidly, but X-Ray was already elsewhere.

A laser reflected off the Corpirate’s monocle and hit the ceiling. Plaster rained down on X-Ray's head.

“Aww, come _on!_ What’s it gonna take?!”

“More than ye’ve got, matey.”

The Corpirate flicked X-Ray’s hand away from his glasses with the tip of his sword and put the point to X-Ray’s chest. Vav couldn’t tear his eyes away, even though he couldn’t bear to watch what was going to happen next.

Something whipped past X-Ray's head and knocked the cutlass out of the Corpirate’s hand. They all turned to see the Mad King's crown return to his hand.

“You've taken something of mine,” the Mad King said, placing his crown back on his head. “I can't allow that, or this miserable excuse for a hostile takeover.”

“Mad King!” Vav exclaimed.

“Mad King?” X-Ray said in disbelief.

“Ah, Mad King.” The Corpirate looked pleased. “About time ye showed up. Keyhaul the green cabin boy an’ I’ll consider givin’ ye a share o’ the booty.”

Vav held his breath, simultaneously fearful and hopeful. He knew what he wanted the Mad King to decide, but was it what the Mad King was actually going to do? Had Vav managed to help him change for the better after all, or was the Mad King a villain through and through and too pissed off at Vav’s rejection to do the right thing?

“I don’t share,” the Mad King stated simply.

He held up a remote and pressed a button. A quadcopter rose up behind him and started charging a laser.

“Then I’ll have ye liquidated!” the Corpirate snarled, snatching up his cutlass from the table.

The quadcopter slung a few pellets at the Corpirate. He deflected them easily, but then they exploded in a blue smoke. The charged laser shot through a second later and ignited the powder in an instant flash of flame.

Vav blinked white spots out of his eyes and caught a glimpse of green creeping closer in the midst of the lights and explosions. X-Ray was using the diversion to come to Vav's rescue. If he could get free then this fight would be three against one!

“Is that all ye’ve got?” the Corpirate sneered. “A few fancy gizmos won't be helpin’ ye.”

The Mad King made a choked noise in response. Vav tore his gaze away from X-Ray to see the Mad King being held by the throat. The quadcopter was lying on the ground, emitting feeble sparks.

“No!” Vav shouted.

The Corpirate looked over his shoulder and caught sight of X-Ray getting close to Vav’s restraints. He smirked at Vav.

“Yer friend and this traitor —” he gave the Mad King a shake, “— be no match fer me. _Yarr!_ ”

With that cry, he lifted the Mad King and threw him across the room into X-Ray, who had just reached Vav's restraints again.

“Ahh!”

“Ungh!”

The two went down in a tangle of cape and limbs.

“Leave them alone!” Vav shouted. “I'm the one you want!”

“Then it be a good thing I already have ye,” the Corpirate said, “First, I'll deal with these scurvy dogs, then I'll get to ye.”

Vav gulped.

The Mad King got to his feet and straightened his cracked crown. Next to him, X-Ray cracked his knuckles.

“If you want Vav you'll have to go through me!” X-Ray said fiercely.

“Give up now and I'll make sure you have a quick death,” the Mad King promised threateningly.

The Corpirate laughed. He picked up a heavy metal glove that had wires running all over it and pulled it on.

Pure terror shot down Vav’s spine.

“Get out of here! Run!” He pleaded.

“I'm not leaving my best friend to the clutches of a madman!” X-Ray said. “We’re a team, Vav.”

“Vav…” the Mad King met Vav's gaze for the first time. He looked tired and there was an emotion on his face that Vav couldn't read.

The Corpirate pointed the glove at X-Ray and the Mad King. Electricity crackled up the wires, causing a red and blue swirling glow to appear in the palm.

“Look out!” Vav yelped.

A jolt of electricity passed through Vav. His skin was on fire. He could taste ozone and metal and see blood. As soon as it had started it stopped, leaving him tingling to the tips of his fingers and toes.

X-Ray and the Mad King turned just in time to get hit by the waves of energy coming off the Corpirate's glove. Horribly familiar waves of energy.

“I thought you hadn't got it working,” Vav said, mouth dry.

“Not without yer presence.”

X-Ray's hand was inches from his glasses. The Mad King had just grasped his crown. Neither of them were visibly moving — at least, not quickly.

“Maybe I'll push them off a buildin’ an’ let them take four months to hit the shore,” the Corpirate said jauntily.

“No! Let them go!”

“Ye've got no bargain’ power. Try to remember that instead o’ just repeatin’ yerself.” The Corpirate threw over his shoulder as he dragged X-Ray and the Mad King out of the room.

Vav kicked his free foot against the cuff on his other ankle. It didn’t budge, but he needed the distraction. Despite that — or maybe because he could see the Monarch Labs’ mark on the cuff — his thoughts returned, as they always did these days, to the Mad King.

He’d come to help.

And that was the sticking point. He’d come to help, he’d chosen Vav over the Corpirate, and he’d _saved X-Ray_.

Granted, Vav had made it very clear that he didn’t want X-Ray to die, but the Mad King didn’t have to _do_ anything either. He could’ve used the distraction of X-Ray getting skewered to get Vav free.

So what did that mean for the future? Vav wasn’t sure — there was the mess they were currently in to deal with, for a start — but maybe there was a place for the Mad King in it after all.

The doors _whooshed_ open again and the Corpirate strolled back into the room, empty-handed. He ignored Vav’s struggling and made his way over to a control panel.

The Corpirate pulled a lever. Nothing happened for several seconds, then, with an almighty _crunch_ , the ceiling opened up to reveal the late-afternoon sky.

Another lever sent the entire room rocketing up, until they were out in the open air. Behind Vav, already set up, was a giant golden tower on top of a block of obsidian — so that’s where the stolen items Ash had investigated had gone — and everything was being buffeted by the kind of high-speed winds that only came from being on top of a skyscraper.

“What is it with you and rooftops?”

The Corpirate ignored Vav, typing into his machine and pulling a lever all the while.

“With yer wench’s gizmos I’ve been able to amplify yer gloves’ power. Now it be a matter of fine-tunin’ things so I get the furthest range without ye endin’ up dead.”

“Dead?!” Vav squeaked.

“Ye be headin’ fer Davy Jones’ locker one way or another,” the Corpirate said, twirling his moustache, “so shut yer face and don't struggle. Or do,” he added, “it'll hurt more that way.”

Vav stared at the powering-up machine in horror. Then all he could do

was

 _scream_.

 

* * *

 

X-Ray groaned as his body hit the back wall of a cage. Man, the Corpirate could _lift_. The Mad King was being relieved of all his various remotes and his crown, then he was thrown into the cage too; X-Ray dodged at the last second. He wasn't going to get hit like that again if he could help it.

“Let’s see ye foil me plans now,” the Corpirate gloated.

“Yeah? Well, your face is… uh…” X-Ray flailed for a retort, “stupid. _Stupid-face_.”

The Corpirate just laughed and left. The hiss of the door closing was very final and sent a shiver of claustrophobia up X-Ray’s spine. He wasn’t claustrophobic — he was a superhero, he wasn’t afraid of anything except birds, which was a completely natural fear — but being trapped never felt right.

And being trapped in a six-by-six cage with his arch nemesis wasn’t helping any.

X-Ray tried to take his mind off things, but it was a very small cage and the Mad King wasn’t staying still. Either he was desperate to get back at the Corpirate, or he was desperate to save Vav. X-Ray couldn’t decide which was worse, but it at least meant they had a common enemy.

Vav would want X-Ray to try and be nice. X-Ray might just be able to be civil.

“Thanks for, y’know, trying to save Vav, or whatever,” X-Ray said.

The Mad King wasn’t listening, instead he was poking around the cage for something.

“Hey! I’m trying to say something here.”

“Don’t let me stop you,” the Mad King said shortly.

“Fine. Forget it,” X-Ray snapped. He crossed his arms and leant against the side of the cage in a huff.

Vav was still in danger and X-Ray had nothing. He couldn’t even think of anything stupid to do that might save the day like usual. He normally had Vav's ridiculous plans to bounce his ideas off and get the ball rolling.

The Mad King made a noise of frustration. “Why don’t you make yourself useful and look for a way out?” he said.

“In case it escaped Your Majesty’s notice, I don’t have my glasses,” X-Ray replied, bitterly — just like a supervillain to rub it in. “I can’t see a fucking thing.”

The blur that was the Mad King stopped looking around and came to stand in front of X-Ray.

“You actually need your glasses to see? Who puts their weapon inside something they need like that?” The Mad King said incredulously.

“Hey! It wasn't _my_ idea,” X-Ray huffed.

The Mad King tutted. “Look for a way out. And stop distracting me.”

X-Ray rolled his eyes and turned his back to the Mad King. Without his glasses most of his abilities had been hamstrung. Improvising was looking tricky.

What would Vav do? Sometimes hearing someone suggest something sensible was useful for inspiring stupid ideas.

X-Ray looked up. Last time Vav had made a plan he'd tried to go through the air ducts, even though there hadn't been any. X-Ray doubted the Corpirate had put them in a room with an air vent, but he couldn't bring the ceiling into sharp enough focus to say one way or another.

The Mad King was still poking around the door. _He'd_ be able to see the ceiling, but X-Ray didn't want to talk to him.

A faint scream echoed through the room.

“Vav!”

“There has to be a way out,” the Mad King muttered, voice tight.

X-Ray swallowed his pride and distaste. This was about saving Vav. He could put up with working with the Mad King for a short while.

“Yo, have you checked the ceiling yet?” X-Ray said.

The Mad King looked up. He didn't call X-Ray an idiot immediately, so score one point for X-Ray.

“There might be a way out,” the Mad King said slowly, “up there, one of the tiles is broken. You should be able to reach it if you use your grappling hook.”

“Who told you I had a grappling hook?” X-Ray demanded.

The Mad King scoffed. “All of What's-Her-Face's equipment requests have to be approved by me. I know everything you're capable of.”

“Yeah? Joke's on you,” X-Ray said, “I used my grappling hook to get in here.”

“You left it dangling off the side of the building?” The Mad King brought a hand up to his face. “How the fuck did you ever come close to defeating me?”

“Oh, that's it!”

X-Ray swung a punch at the Mad King, who stepped back to avoid it. Then he grabbed X-Ray's arm and twisted it up behind his back. It hurt, but X-Ray was able to stomp on the Mad King's foot and get free.

“What happened to saving Vav?” The Mad King taunted.

Shit.

“You don't get to pull that 'I’m better than you’ crap,” X-Ray snapped.

“I’m purely selfish, I promise you,” the Mad King said, “my concern for Vav is more important than my wishes to see you put in your place.”

“You say that like I wasn't winning.”

The Mad King ignored that and pointed at the ceiling. “If I assist you in getting free, will you return the favour?”

“I can't reach that high. Are you…” X-Ray trailed off as he squinted at the ceiling. It did look like there was something wrong with one of the tiles. “Are you saying you're going to give me a boost?”

“Something like that.”

Which is how X-Ray found himself perched on the Mad King's shoulders, trying to reach the ceiling.

“Hurry up,” the Mad King said through gritted teeth. He was favouring his left shoulder, though X-Ray was determinedly ignoring that.

“I’d be doing better if _someone_ hadn’t sliced up my hand!”

“And I’d be doing better if _someone_ hadn’t ruined my plans to take over the city,” the Mad King snapped back, “I would’ve seen this pathetic attempt at taking control and crushed it before it began.”

“Just shut up and stand still,” X-Ray said, “I can’t reach if you keep moving.”

The Mad King obliged, though the hands steadying X-Ray dug in tighter than necessary.

The hole was obvious, even without his glasses. X-Ray managed to grab the corner and pull the tile further out of place. He might be able to squeeze through if he could get it a little more open.

Wiggling the tile again threw them both off balance. X-Ray grabbed the edges of the hole and held on for dear life as the Mad King stumbled beneath him.

“Careful,” the Mad King snapped.

“I’ll just use my lasers to open this further — oh wait,” X-Ray said. He waited until the Mad King was steady, then yanked the tile again.

It made the opening just big enough that X-Ray figured he could slip through. He gripped the edges and hoisted himself up.

...or tried to, at least. The hole was an awkward size and the Mad King didn't let go of his legs at the right time.

X-Ray fell to the ground, winded.

“Ow! What the fuck, dude?”

The Mad King glared at X-Ray. “Communicate effectively in future.”

“Just get me back up there,” X-Ray said grumpily.

This time X-Ray managed to pull himself up and through, but one of his dangling feet kicked the Mad King in the face on his way up.

“I’m going to kill him _slowly_ for the indignity,” the Mad King snarled, as he licked blood from his lip.

Yeah, X-Ray didn’t understand Vav’s attraction in the slightest.

He crawled into the ceiling, getting a faceful of dust for his troubles. No one ever bothered to clean the space between floors for any superheroes who happened to find their way in there in search of bad guys to fight.

X-Ray squirmed forward, there wasn’t quite enough space to go properly up on hands and knees. Dusty and even more claustrophobic than the cage, but Vav was counting on him. X-Ray counted tiles as he passed them, until he was sure he was over the part of the room that wasn’t caged. He’d gotten a good read on the spacings when he’d used the ceiling to find Vav earlier.

It would be a lot easier if he had his x-ray glasses. Instead, X-Ray punched through the tile in front of him. It took a few hits, but it finally broke and fell into the room below.

X-Ray stuck his head through and grinned in triumph when he saw that he'd aimed right.

 _Crack_.

“What the —”

The tile X-Ray was lying on creaked, then shattered under his weight. He fell into the room in a cloud of dust.

 _Goddammit_ , he needed Vav around to catch him in moments like that — either with slow mo or by the ankles, X-Ray wasn't picky.

“Bravo,” the Mad King said sarcastically.

“Hey! I'm out aren't I?” X-Ray said.

“I suppose you are,” the Mad King said, “now release me.”

“Or, I can just let you rot in here,” X-Ray considered.

“So you can throw yourself uselessly at the Corpirate? You need my help,” the Mad King said.

“Yeah, right,” X-Ray snorted.

“He has Vav's abilities,” the Mad King said, “it will be easier to separate him from them than countering it straight on. I'm going to need a distraction.”

“If you think I'm gonna walk in front of the Corpirate while you hide safely, you've got another thing coming,” X-Ray said hotly.

“I'm not going to be hiding,” the Mad King said shortly, “this is the best way, unless you think you can shut down a velocity impeding amplification device without blowing us all up.”

X-Ray grimaced. Why'd it have to be mad scientist tech?

“That's what I thought,” the Mad King said. “You need my assistance.”

“Fine. Whatever.” X-Ray looked around for a convenient set of keys or a door-opening lever.

“Your glasses are on a hook by the door,” the Mad King said.

“They’ve been there this whole time? Supervillains are idiots.”

“I’m going to ignore that until Vav is free,” the Mad King said darkly.

“And once Vav is free we’re totally gonna kick your ass,” X-Ray said.

The Mad King made no reply. He was pacing, his footsteps nearly covering up the faint sounds of screaming coming from elsewhere in the building.

X-Ray fumbled his way over to the door, bumping several breakable things off the wall on the way. He finally grasped his glasses and the world came into glorious focus as he put them on his face.

“Thank every single in-game deity,” X-Ray sighed with relief. He didn’t feel complete without the ability to shoot lasers from his face.

The Mad King was watching him from behind the bars intently, waiting. X-Ray _could_ just leave him, but…

“This is for Vav, and don't you forget it.” X-Ray blasted the lock off the door.

“Of course,” the Mad King was grinning again, looking like the supervillain Vav liked to forget he was. He stepped out of the cage casually and plucked his crown from the hook adjacent to the one X-Ray’s glasses had been on: “lead the way, _hero_ , we'll retrieve Vav and put an end to the Corpirate.”

When they reached the room Vav had been in, there was only a gaping hole with several hydraulic supports braced against the ceiling.

“How are we gonna get Vav now?” X-Ray wondered aloud.

The Mad King’s grin only widened. “I have an idea.”

The service access stairwell was annoyingly empty of threats. Figures that a supervillain would know how to sneak about a building without using the vents. X-Ray itched to wipe the smug look off the Mad King’s face, but while climbing the stairs was tiring after the first flight, it was still a lot nicer than crawling through a cobweb-ridden vent or a dust-laden ceiling.

They emerged onto the roof. Vav was still strapped into the machine, only now he was continually whimpering while the cuffs on his hands and foot were sparking red and blue. It hurt X-Ray just to watch.

“Man, what is it with him and rooftops?” X-Ray said, trying to keep glib.

The wind picked up and blew X-Ray’s cape over his head. The air was full of electricity that set X-Ray’s fillings on edge. He’d rather be anywhere but here, with anyone but the Mad King by his side.

But he _had_ to rescue Vav and this was the only way to do it.

“Stick to the plan,” the Mad King said shortly.

X-Ray shot him a glare. “This isn't my first rescue. I know what I'm doing.”

He stepped forward. It was tempting to start shooting the machinery willy-nilly, but the Mad King was right. That would be too dangerous to do while Vav was hooked up to it all.

Right then. Distraction time.

“Hey! Pirate loser!” X-Ray shouted.

The Corpirate turned to face X-Ray. “So ye've escaped the brig — but not fer long.”

“I'm getting real sick of your high seas slang,” X-Ray said, “stop pretending every day is Talk Like a Pirate Day and let Vav go.”

“And how do ye intend to make me?” The Corpirate said with a grin.

X-Ray fired a laser bolt at him, but he caught it with the bulky slow mo glove and sent it slowly shooting into space. The Corpirate leveled the glove at X-Ray.

“Want another taste? Yarr!”

A motorbike revved, interrupting the standoff.

X-Ray and the Corpirate turned to see the Mad King scramble out of the shadows, cursing, away from a faintly familiar motorbike.

“Surprise, motherfucker!”

And this was why X-Ray hated plans — they never worked! And, as usual, it was going to be up to him to think of something stupid and save the day.

The Mad King’s crown returned to his hand. “I’m going to feed you your bike then rip you apart with an electromagnet.”

The biker revved his engine as the Corpirate started powering up his slow mo glove again.

“I’ll go high, you go low,” said X-Ray.

“What?” said the Mad King, bewildered.

With no time to explain further, X-Ray sprinted to the left. He aimed a couple of shots at the Corpirate, but aiming while moving was a lot harder than video games made it out to be.

He stopped with his back to Vav’s containment thing. Hopefully the Corpirate would either not want to shoot at his machine, or he’d overload the whole system and it’d blow itself up.

Hopefully.

“How are you so _incompetent?_ ” the Mad King snarled, barely avoiding the bike again.

“Strugglin’ to make yer teamup work?” the Corpirate said, amused. “This be why I have me a loyal crew, but no first mate to let me down. Yarr.”

“Dude, I told you what to do,” X-Ray shouted back.

“Negating all of our previous plans in the process!”

“You've got to work together. Help each other,” Vav shouted. “I know you can do it! I believe in both of you!”

The biker bore down on X-Ray. He braced himself for the hit.

_Clunk!_

The Mad King’s crown crashed into the side of the biker’s helmet, knocking him prone. The bike skidded until it ended up perilously close to the edge of the roof.

A _vwumph_ of slow mo caught the Mad King. He was staring at the machine.

Huh, that was useful.

“You might want to think about making more than one glove!” X-Ray shouted, running for the machine.

“I’ll have yer guts fer garters!”

Slow mo caught X-Ray’s legs. He looked over his shoulder to see the Mad King already elbow deep in a mess of parts behind a furious Corpirate.

Movement out of the corner of his eye. X-Ray jerked out of the way as much as he could with his legs trapped in place and barely dodged a swing of a wrench from the biker.

Laser to the face would take care of that problem, but as X-Ray raised his hand to his glasses he felt the slow mo inch up his body.

 _No_. He was finally gonna use his laser, goddammit.

X-Ray wrenched his elbow free of the creeping slow mo and pushed the button in the side of his glasses. It was _so_ satisfying to see the biker go flying across the rooftop and land in a smoking heap.

“Score one for X-Ray!”

There was a flash of dark blue light, nearly invisible against the setting sun. The Corpirate snarled and the slow mo holding X-Ray in place vanished. _Good_ — it just felt _wrong_ being slow mo-ed by someone other than Vav.

The Mad King was now stuck in the Corpirate’s slow mo, hastily assembled gun glowing, but unable to fire.

X-Ray _could_ do a back and forth slow mo fight, but he was already right by the machine…

He slammed a fist down on the button marked ‘power-source release’ — that was one thing going for mad scientist tech, there were always handy instructions to tell X-Ray how to do the things he wanted to do. The restraints holding Vav opened and he dropped to the ground.

Time to start smashing. X-Ray cracked his knuckles and got to work.

“No!” the Corpirate’s cry was desperate.

X-Ray glanced over his shoulder and saw, with great satisfaction, that the waves of slow mo holding the Mad King in place were flickering on and off. He was moving, still more like stop-motion than real-life, but moving nevertheless. X-Ray’s random smashing must have been working.

X-Ray gave the machine one last kick then turned to face the Corpirate. No more game-ending powers — just fists against lasers, the way nature intended.

The Corpirate threw the now-useless slow mo glove away and charged at X-Ray with a roar. X-Ray managed to land a laser blast on his shoulder, but the Corpirate kept coming, heedless to the fire starting on his suit.

X-Ray braced himself for impact, but despite his rock-solid stance, the Corpirate plowed right through him. They tumbled to the ground and X-Ray’s head hit the tiled floor with a wet _smack_. His vision swam for a second, but then solidified into a single Corpirate, about to punch him in the face.

Seeing single meant he didn’t have a concussion, right?

The Corpirate’s fist met X-Ray’s nose and he felt the cartilage horribly grind against bone.

“Why do they always go for the nose?” X-Ray moaned. He’d have an uglier beak than Vav at this rate.

The Corpirate lifted his other fist menacingly, no doubt ready to give X-Ray a real concussion.

There was a blur of gold. The Corpirate hissed as the Mad King’s crown sliced open his knuckles. X-Ray used the distraction to wriggle out from under the Corpirate and blast him away with a laser.

X-Ray scrambled to his feet, getting read to fire another laser. Normally it only took one or two hits for something to go down and _stay_ down, but the Corpirate must have had some residue from the Key to the City still in his system that was making him far tougher than a regular person.

The Mad King appeared at X-Ray’s side. He was holding a very shaky piece of machinery held together with duct tape and prayers.

“I’ve only got one shot left,” the Mad King said, “get him lined up.”

“Why do I have to do the grunt work?” X-Ray complained. “Oh shit!”

X-Ray threw himself to the ground just in time to avoid the Corpirate’s flintlock pistol shot. The bullet tore a hole through X-Ray’s cape and embedded itself in the useless machinery next to a still-prone Vav.

“Who even uses guns like that anymore?” X-Ray asked no one in particular.

“Sometimes the best approach be a direct one,” the Corpirate said, throwing the empty pistol aside and drawing a cutlass. “Prepare to be boarded!”

“Bring it on!” X-Ray shouted, trying to sound far more confident than he was feeling.

X-Ray grabbed a piece of rebar and clashed swords with the Corpirate. He just needed to get them turned around and…

The Mad King's makeshift gun hit the Corpirate with a crackling blue shot. The Corpirate roared and pulled out another flintlock pistol to aim at the Mad King.

X-Ray didn't even hesitate and brought his rebar down on the Corpirate's pistol. The Corpirate dropped it, then stabbed at X-Ray with his cutlass.

The Mad King's crown hit the cutlass out of his hand before it could bisect X-Ray.

“Teamwork _does_ make the dream work,” X-Ray said.

“I'll show ye _teamwork_ ,” the Corpirate snarled.

He caught X-Ray off-guard with a wicked left hook, flinging him back over towards the Mad King.

The Mad King held out a hand to pull X-Ray to his feet. X-Ray took it.

X-Ray stood side by side with the Mad King. Finally, they were managing to work together smoothly.

 _Thwock_.

The Corpirate twitched, face going slack, then slumped to his knees. Vav was stood behind him shakily upright, holding a pipe. He hit the Corpirate again. And again, until finally the Corpirate keeled over entirely.

 

* * *

 

The Corpirate fell to the ground at Vav’s feet, unmoving. Satisfaction bled through the Mad King’s adrenalin, even without blood being spilled in copious amounts. Maybe this was why Vav liked being a hero.

X-Ray rushed to Vav's side. The Mad King didn't see the point in interfering, and left them to it. He had other things that he was interested in and that wouldn't reject him.

The Mad King ran his hand over the beautiful machine that had nearly slow mo-ed the entire world. It was damaged from X-Ray’s crude attempts to shut it down, but intact enough, still humming gently as it ran ineffectually. Stripping it for parts would be easy, fixing it up would be simple. There were plenty of ways the Mad King could use it for his own ends.

“Mad King.”

The Mad King turned. Vav was approaching, while gesturing at X-Ray to stay back. X-Ray kept his hand near his glasses, but refrained from firing any lasers.

Yet.

 _He’s not dead. He’s not dead. Thank goodness, he’s not dead_.

“Vav.”

“You came to help me,” Vav said. The wind was blowing his hair and cape in a way that could only be called heroic.

 _He looks amazing. Far better than you deserve_.

“I did.”

“You saved X-Ray,” Vav continued.

The Mad King grimaced. “Don’t remind me.”

“So what now?” Vav asked. “Are you going to use the Corpirate’s machines for evil?”

“Would it be out of character if I did? I’m a supervillain,” the Mad King replied shortly.

“Titles don’t define you. What you choose to do does,” Vav said simply, “and you could choose to do the right thing.”

“And what would you do if I did?”

Vav frowned. “What?”

The Mad King stepped forward, closing the distance until he was at an arm’s length from Vav. He knew he’d have to pick his words carefully, but seeing Vav look at him with something other than fear or anger was just so _distracting_.

“If I destroy these machines, will you go out with me again?”

Out of the corner of his eye, the Mad King saw X-Ray put his face in his hands.

 _Fuck what he thinks_.

Vav reared back in surprise. “What? No!”

That _hurt_.

_It’s exactly what you deserve._

“Then I don’t see why I should even consider it,” the Mad King said, turning back to the machines.

Vav caught his arm, stopping him from striding away.

“Wait, that’s not what I meant.”

The Mad King looked at Vav, waiting for more explanation.

“I meant your decision here shouldn’t depend on me. I don’t want you to make the right choice for all the wrong reasons. And…” Vav looked at the ground, “I don’t want to be in a relationship that I’ve been forced into. If you truly want to step back into villainy and don’t think you could ever do the right thing and if I would only be a temporary distraction from that, then…” he lifted his chin defiantly, “then this is where we part ways.”

“And if I choose good?”

“If you really want to try walking a new path, I’ll be there to help,” Vav said, with a bright smile. “Even if we’re not _together_ together.”

Was Vav's friendship alone enough? The Mad King wanted Vav in his life and in his bed, but if Vav refused to enter back into their relationship — as it looked like he was doing — then would making a friend be worth giving up villainy for?

He knew Vav didn't want it that way — didn't want the Mad King's agreement to be conditional — but he simply wasn't a good enough person to give up on his goals without some kind of personal benefit.

Only friendship, or never seeing Vav again, outside of plots where they'd be on opposing sides?

There was no choice.

Life without Vav had been so _achingly_ lonely.

The Mad King turned to the machines and typed in the shutdown code. They gave a soft _whir_ and died, leaving the wind as the only background noise.

“Happy?” The Mad King asked. He couldn't place his current emotion and it was annoying him.

Vav stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the Mad King. It was pleasant. Maybe it would be enough. The Mad King relaxed, taking what little comfort Vav offered.

“I don't want to lose you,” the Mad King breathed into Vav's hair, “I'm so sorry for everything I did to you.”

“Hey.” Vav pulled back just enough to reach a hand up to cup the Mad King's jaw. “Can I kiss you?”

_What?_

“Can you…?” The Mad King's mind stuttered to a halt and struggled to reboot.

“I'd like to try us dating and stuff again,” Vav said, “if you really wanted to go out with me and it wasn't just all a plot?”

His voice got high and uncertain toward the end. Vav kept his hand on the Mad King's jaw, but it looked like he wanted to pull it away and the Mad King could feel a nervous tremor through his fingertips.

 _He's scared of you_.

The thought settled heavily. It made sense; this was what the Mad King's plans had wrought, but…

 _I didn't want this_.

“You don't want this,” the Mad King said.

“I do. I'd like to try,” Vav said stubbornly. “Unless… you don't want me?”

“Oh, for fuck's sake.”

The pair jumped. X-Ray threw up his hands then pointed at Vav.

“You want to bone him —” X-Ray pointed at the Mad King, “— and _you_ want to bone _him_. Stop pussyfooting around the issue and get to it. Preferably well away from me.”

The Mad King's irritation at X-Ray’s interruption fled when he saw how red Vav's cheeks has gotten.

 _I want to see him flushed because of me_.

“So…” Vav met the Mad King's gaze, tilting his head up, “ _can_ I kiss you?”

 _And he still wants me too_.

The Mad King swooped down and dove into a kiss.

X-Ray made a gagging noise, but the Mad King didn’t care. He was kissing Vav again. _Kissing Vav_. It was almost too good to be true and just as wonderful as he remembered.

“So what now?” Vav asked, once they’d broken apart.

“I may have broken out of the institute… _illegally_ ,” the Mad King admitted.

“That's… not good,” Vav sighed, “but you saved me, and X-Ray, and the city, so… maybe we can deal with the fallout tomorrow? I just want to rest.”

_What had happened to justice coming first?_

Though X-Ray's activities weren't always fully lawful and Vav hadn't marched him to the police station yet. Perhaps being Vav's significant other would afford the Mad King some measure of immunity to smaller infractions.

_No — don't try to twist your way out of this._

Vav looked exhausted and his hair was still smoking slightly. _Now isn’t the time, let him rest_.

“I'll make arrangements tomorrow,” the Mad King promised. “For tonight, let me take care of you, Vav. Come back to my apartment.”

“That sounds nice,” Vav said, leaning against the Mad King.

“So, what? I'm stuck with clean-up?” X-Ray said.

“Cheers, X-Ray.”

“I wasn't volunteering,” X-Ray said petulantly.

The Mad King left Vav for a moment to pat down the Corpirate’s body. _Success_. The Corpirate’s cell phone had a nautical theme and was fingerprint-locked — easy enough to bypass with his unconscious body right there. The Mad King typed in a familiar number.

“Viscera, get a cleanup crew to the Corpirate’s farming and mercantile supply building. There’s some interesting equipment that What's-her-face should be able to find some use for,” the Mad King said. “Double rates if you finish by midnight.”

“Huh,” X-Ray regarded the Mad King with suspicion, but looked like he wanted to avoid cleanup far more than he wanted to argue about the Mad King getting the Corpirate’s machinery. “Guess it’s useful having a CEO for a boyfriend.”

Vav blushed, but managed to give the Mad King a fond smile. “Yeah.”

_He likes me._

“I’ll get this loser to the cops,” X-Ray said, giving the Corpirate a kick. He sighed and gave Vav a wave: “…don’t tell me what you’re planning to do. I’ll see you tomorrow, Vav.”

Vav stepped into his place by the Mad King’s side and took his hand in a tight grip. The Mad King squeezed back.

“Let’s go.”


	8. in which our protagonists take steps towards a better future

The Mad King ushered Vav into his apartment, noting that the locks and door had been correctly replaced while he’d been imprisoned in the institute. Vav jumped when the Mad King slid the first bolt into place.

 _Too threatening?_ The Mad King clicked one other lock into place then left it at that.

“Vav…”

_How best to ask?_

“Vav, are you ok?”

“Top,” Vav replied. Was he lying, or was it just the adrenalin crash of the battle making him appear shaky and nervous? “Bit peckish though.”

“Peckish?”

“Hungry.”

“I’ve got food,” the Mad King said, grabbing at the lifeline. “Here.”

Vav brightened considerably once he’d stuffed his face with a sandwich and downed a glass of water. The Mad King picked at a bag of chips, but found it difficult to eat properly.

This was new territory. There was no scheme, no convoluted plot, just the beginnings of a new, truthful, _real_ relationship. Something the Mad King had zero experience with. Drawing on his experience manipulating people felt false, but he had nothing else to go on.

“Are _you_ ok?” Vav asked, after he'd come back from the bathroom.

“It’s been a long week,” the Mad King said, waving off Vav’s concern. “Having you here is making it significantly better.”

 _Stop lying_.

But it wasn’t a lie, not completely, and Vav’s smile was pleasing. Was it still manipulation if there was no end goal other than to gain Vav’s affections?

“Come here.” The Mad King drew Vav into a kiss. That was simple enough. _Maybe_ … “Would you like to move through to the bedroom?”

Vav nodded. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

 _Good_. He knew how to have sex. Sex was simple. Sex was…

…something the Mad King had never done with someone he wanted as much as he wanted Vav.

_Fuck._

The Mad King tried to ignore the thought as they stripped, doing his best to focus on Vav revealing himself. So much unmarked skin just waiting for the Mad King's touch. Vav gasped once the Mad King took his shirt off.

_Oh, that._

The Mad King had forgotten about the burn that had seared his shoulder. Vav tentatively reached out to touch it, but stopped short.

“Does it still hurt?” Vav asked, completely serious for once.

“It's mostly superficial.”

Vav's mouth quirked into a slight smile. “It doesn’t go _that_ much lower.”

Something loosened inside the Mad King. Nothing was a better indication of Vav's restored mood than his returned ability to joke.

“I believe we have more pressing matters to attend to?” the Mad King said, crowding Vav until the hero lay back.

Vav's smile widened and he put his hand on the Mad King’s unburnt shoulder. He looked wonderful spread out and willing. Just waiting for the Mad King to ruin him.

Wait — not ruin. _Fuck_.

The doubt wasn’t leaving, despite the many distractions and Vav's naked skin — chilly against the Mad King's own, just asking for the his warmth. It would be better in the long-run to get this out of the way, to confess the way Vav had about being inexperienced last time.

“Tell me what you want, Vav. I don't —” the Mad King hesitated, but he had to be honest here — “I don't know what to do.”

“What? But you knew what to do last time,” Vav said, startled.

“I've never had a partner who… I've always had some plot at work,” the Mad King said, “Sex was always for my pleasure and mine alone. Enjoyment from the other party was either part of a plan or incidental.”

Vav bit his lip. “So last time… you only got me off because your plan said so?”

“Precisely,” the Mad King said, “but now I want to please you. Tell me how.”

“I don’t know what’s good though,” Vav said, “you know that’s the only time I’ve had sex.”

“What did you like last time?”

“Well…” Vav was dithering. He hunched his shoulders and peered at the Mad King sheepishly, “I kinda liked it when you were, y’know, pushing me around and stuff.” His cheeks were flaming red.

The Mad King stared at him in disbelief. Vav was willing to let him take charge, let him dominate, even though their relationship had lost the hero-villain dynamic? The only reason people let the Mad King ‘push them around’ was because they wanted the thrill of fucking a supervillain or because he gave them no choice.

And Vav was just asking for it?

“And that's what you want?” the Mad King clarified slowly.

Vav nodded. He looked embarrassed, which was the only reason the Mad King believed he was being truthful.

“Alright.”

The Mad King grabbed Vav's wrists and pinned them above his head. Vav smiled shyly.

“You want me to hold you down? Want me to do whatever I want to you?” the Mad King hissed.

“Yes,” Vav keened.

“What did I do to deserve you?” the Mad King said in wonder. “You'd beg me, wouldn't you? Beg me to take you apart and then come back for more.”

“Yes, _please_.”

“And I haven't even started yet,” the Mad King laughed.

He could do this. Play the villain between the sheets and worry about how to progress a real relationship at other times. The Mad King silently thanked Vav for letting him _be_.

_What to do first?_

The Mad King pulled Vav to his feet and into a kiss. There was something he'd thought about in depth before and Vav was just asking for it.

“Kneel,” the Mad King ordered.

Vav gulped, but fell to his knees obediently. The Mad King cupped a hand around Vav’s head, fingers gentle at first, then gripping his hair tight to direct him.

“Take what you can, warm yourself up,” the Mad King said, “and then I’m going to fuck your face.”

Vav went scarlet. It was endearing, and the reminder that no one else had touched Vav this way only made the Mad King harder.

Vav tentatively nuzzled the Mad King's cock, then pressed his lips against the shaft, kissing lightly.

“That’s it,” the Mad King encouraged.

Vav’s kisses grew bolder. He even got little flicks of his tongue involved, leaving wet swathes on the Mad King’s cock and lower stomach.

“Keep going,” the Mad King said.

Vav licked from balls to tip. Then did it again. It felt good, but when he went press another kiss to the Mad King’s hip, the Mad King felt his patience _snap_.

“Vav,” the Mad King caught his attention and reached down to hold the side of Vav’s head, “put my cock in your mouth, or —” _No! This is Vav, you don’t want to threaten him_.

Vav looked up through his lashes. “Or what?”

“Or else I’ll take over,” the Mad King finished. _There_ , that was much more benign than what he’d been about to say. “I’m giving you a chance to get used to this… unless you’ve been practising without me?”

Vav shook his head. He looked _so good_ on his knees, and the Mad King wanted _more_ . He slipped his thumb into the side of Vav’s mouth, forcing his lips to part. _So good_. A vision of what was to come. Vav was going to look obscene with his mouth wrapped around a cock.

“Last chance to take me at your own pace,” the Mad King warned, “Or I’ll take you at mine.”

“I’ll just…” Vav tentatively licked over the head, then finally took it into his mouth.

Even with just the head stretching his lips, Vav looked amazing. He bobbed his head, using his hand to cover the rest of the Mad King’s cock, and tried to start a rhythm going. The Mad King had to fight the urge to thrust forward before Vav was ready.

“Good boy,” the Mad King breathed, petting Vav’s hair. “Think you can take more of me?”

Vav leant further forward, then backed off hurriedly until just the head was in his mouth. At least he had remembered to keep his hand moving.

“Try again,” the Mad King ordered.

Vav did so slowly. Too slowly for the Mad King’s liking. The blowjob was nice and Vav’s innocence was endearing, but the Mad King was a little more impatient than he’d hoped to be for their first time together after all the mess had been dealt with.

Vav eventually made it slightly further than his original depth, but upon trying to take more choked again and pulled off entirely.

“It’s a bit much,” Vav said, looking sheepish.

“Let me take over,” the Mad King suggested, “You’re too nervous to do it properly. I’ll take care of you.”

Vav gave his delightful, shy smile and nodded. The Mad King gripped the back of Vav’s head with one hand and used his other to nudge his cock into Vav’s mouth again.

So _soft_ , so _warm_. The Mad King gave a pleasurable sigh as he started to thrust shallowly. Vav’s tongue gave short licks whenever the Mad King pushed in.

“Good boy,” the Mad King praised, “you take it so well.”

He pressed deeper, now using both hands to hold the back of Vav’s head. When Vav accepted that without a hitch, the Mad King let out a groan of pleasure. He pushed further, until he could feel the head press against the back of Vav’s throat.

Vav spluttered, choking. The Mad King held him there, basking in the sensation of Vav's throat fluttering around his cock. He hadn't choked someone for some time and he'd forgotten how much he liked it.

But it wasn't right. Vav was pushing against the Mad King's hips, desperately trying to get away. The Mad King let him go and Vav threw himself backwards, then hunched over, dry-heaving.

“Vav? Are you alright?” the Mad King asked.

Vav coughed. A string of saliva fell from his mouth, but thankfully nothing more. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and looked up at the Mad King with watery eyes.

“…might've been a bit much,” Vav said, voice full of apology, “I can try again.”

“No.” The Mad King sank to his knees and pulled Vav close until their foreheads touched. “Tell me. What went wrong?”

Vav mumbled something.

“Speak up.”

“I've got a bloody terrible gag reflex, alright,” Vav said, “I thought I could manage, but apparently not.”

That would explain Vav's earlier reluctance. It was a horrible reminder that the Mad King didn't know how to read a partner he cared about. He should be far better than this, considering his experience.

“You don't have to do it if you don't want to,” the Mad King tried.

“I want to. And you want it too,” Vav said miserably, “I just don't think I can.”

 _That wouldn't do_.

“Come here.” The Mad King pulled Vav to his feet then led him to the bed, gently. “Lie down.”

“What’re — oh!” Vav squeaked as the Mad King pressed a kiss just under the head of his cock. He glanced up to see Vav’s eyes the widest he’d ever seen them. They somehow widened further when the Mad King pushed Vav's legs apart and ran his tongue up the vein underneath his cock.

“I want to fuck your face,” the Mad King said, “But then I also want you begging underneath me like this.” He gave Vav's cock another lick, “I want to do so many things to you, Vav, I want _you_.”

Vav squirmed, blushing, but also clearly lustful and needy. He was receptive to this. _Excellent._ The Mad King knew how to praise.

He also knew how to give a blowjob that would make Vav scream his name.

“Ask for my mouth,” the Mad King ordered, “ _beg_ for it.”

“Please, please, please,” Vav chanted, still staring down with wide eyes, “I want your mouth so much, Mad King. Please.”

The Mad King hooked two fingers under Vav's cock and pressed his lips to the head. Vav's foreskin was covering most of it, but Vav still shivered deliciously.

The Mad King opened his mouth and sank down until the head of Vav's cock pressed against the back of his throat then sucked hard. Vav whimpered and bucked his hips up. The Mad King pulled back part way, not quite ready to stop the act just yet.

He couldn't tell Vav what to do with his mouth full. He'd have to use other methods. The Mad King grabbed Vav's hips and pinned him down, while leveling a stern glare up at Vav's flushed face.

“Sorry. Please, keep moving, please,” Vav babbled, “Mad King, please, your mouth feels really, really good.”

 _That was more like it_.

The Mad King licked around his mouthful, teasing Vav's foreskin down. Sure that Vav had gotten the message, he let go with one hand and started jacking the part of Vav's cock that wasn't in his mouth.

“Ah. Ah!” Vav gasped, flinging his head back and trying to arch the rest of his body. The Mad King held him firmly in place.

Oral was fantastic. Dick wasn't the best flavour, but the Mad King would taste it over and over to take control of someone in such an intimate way. Vav looked phenomenal and his begging fed something dark and possessive inside the Mad King.

It was _his_ name Vav was moaning. His _chosen_ name.

Vav also seemed to be enjoying the attention, if his litany of 'please’s and moans were any indication.

The Mad King sank down again, flicking his tongue over the head of Vav’s cock. Pre-come mixed with his saliva and spilt out of his mouth and over his fingers holding the rest of Vav’s cock.

Vav was gasping, flushed, and drenched in spit and sweat. Just the way the Mad King wanted him.

He pulled off. “You’re going to come in my mouth, but only when I let you.”

“I… huh?”

“You don’t get to come without permission,” the Mad King reiterated. He moved up to give Vav a kiss and let him taste himself on the Mad King’s lips: “are you going to be a good boy for me?”

Vav’s flush darkened and he nodded, biting his lip.

“Then wait until I tap your hip before you come.” The Mad King bit off the 'or else’ that had been on the tip of his tongue. _Don't threaten Vav, dammit_.

This time when the Mad King took Vav back into his mouth he trusted that Vav had gotten the message about moving, and started using both hands to stroke the base of Vav’s cock and massage his perineum. Vav gasped and his hands fisted the bedsheets, but he kept his hips as still as he could.

 _So lovely and pliant for me_.

It didn’t take long for Vav’s composure to fully break.

“Mad King,” Vav tugged on the Mad King’s hair, “Please, I’m close. I can’t —”

The Mad King made eye contact and sunk down as far as he could go. Vav whimpered and thrashed.

“Please, please, please, let me come, please!”

There was a chance Vav wouldn’t be able to help himself and the Mad King didn’t want him to feel like he’d failed. There’d be other chances to tease Vav on the edge. And to punish him when he was unsuccessful. He tapped Vav’s hip clearly.

“Ah!” Vav back arched and his face screwed up in pleasure, as he spurted into the Mad King’s mouth. He looked _wonderful_ in orgasm.

Vav’s cock slowly stopped twitching against the Mad King’s tongue and he slumped onto his back, spent.

The Mad King considered moving up and forcing Vav to swallow his own come, but given their earlier struggles with Vav's gag-reflex he just spat it out onto Vav’s stomach instead. No point in pushing boundaries too far in one go. Slow and steady had been the way to Vav’s heart, it made sense to use the same approach for sex.

“That was amazing,” Vav panted.

“You’re beautiful when you come,” the Mad King said, causing Vav to go scarlet. “I want to see it again, and again, and again.” He leant forward, mouthing at Vav’s jaw roughly and taking a hand to himself, “Want to tie you to my bed and never let you out. Just _ruin_ you over and over.”

“Stop.”

The Mad King ceased his movements, heart skipping for all the wrong reasons. _Stop, dammit. This is Vav. You love him — he’s not here to be a quick power trip_.

However, Vav didn't look put out at all as he pushed at the Mad King until he sat back on his ankles. Vav positioned himself between the Mad King’s spread knees and grasped his cock.

“Is this alright?” Vav asked, smiling like he already knew the answer.

“Perfect. You’re so good to me, Vav,” the Mad King said.

Vav gave another of his shy smiles and got to work with the handjob. That, at least, was practised. Gentler than the rough grip the Mad King used on himself, but no less good for it.

Vav leant forward and kissed him. It changed the grip and made the Mad King's breath hitch. Vav smiled against his mouth.

“Good boy,” the Mad King said between kisses. “Faster. Harder.”

Vav did as he was told. The Mad King kissed down Vav's jaw and sucked a bruise onto his neck.

Vav touched the mark with his free hand, fingers massaging it gently, a look of awe on his face.

 _He really does like being marked_.

“You're mine,” the Mad King said darkly, “and I want everyone to know.”

Vav bit his lip, uncertainty flickering over his face.

_Was that too far?_

The Mad King opened his mouth to take it back, but before he could get the words out, Vav ducked his head and sank his teeth into the flesh just below the Mad King's collarbone.

 _Oh_.

“ _Yes_ ,” the Mad King hissed. How long had it been since someone wanted to mark him because they wanted him so much? More often his partners would mark him in their fight or because they were possessive fucks, but _never_ because they thought he might enjoy it.

Vav pulled off too early — the mark would only last a day or two at most — but the look of combined wonder and lust on his face was well worth it.

 _Let him take this at his own pace_.

The Mad King could always ask for more marks later on — could teach Vav how to make them last for weeks — just like he could teach him to suck cock. He had all the time in the world, and he could wait.

Vav leant forward again. He placed his free hand on the Mad King's shoulder for balance and initiated a kiss. The Mad King was content with it, then Vav clumsily licked his lips.

The Mad King gripped Vav's hair and forced the kiss deeper. Vav moaned into his mouth with pleasure, feeding that dark, possessive part of the Mad King and making him nip gently at Vav's lip.

_You’d enjoy it even more if you could make him bleed and taste him…_

_One day he’ll beg for it and I will._

With that thought, and Vav's hand speeding up on his cock, the Mad King felt himself approach his peak.

“Vav,” the Mad King broke their kiss to gasp out his name, “lie back, I'm going to come on your face.”

“You what?!” Vav stopped moving his hand and sat back on his heels in shock.

 _Fuck_. He'd gotten lost in the moment and forgotten he was dealing with a relative innocent again.

“Your chest then.” The Mad King tried to hold back his frustration. He'd been _so close_. “Please, Vav.”

Whether it was because of the begging or something else, Vav slowly sank back until he was propped up on his elbows.

“That's it.” The Mad King braced himself over Vav with one hand and started jerking himself quickly. “I'm close.”

Vav reached up with one hand to cup the Mad King's jaw and pulled him into a kiss again. _Good boy_.

The Mad King tensed and jerked as his orgasm hit. Everything lit up in indescribable bliss and his possessive side finally fell silent as he striped Vav's chest with spurts of come.

The Mad King gave a shudder and rolled off of Vav. He was still riding the orgasm, but his arm had started to feel weak and he didn't want to collapse on Vav, and subsequently make himself just as much of a mess as the superhero.

“Good, yeah?” Vav asked. He looked down his body and pulled a face, “Am I always gonna end up covered in spaff?”

The Mad King chuckled. “Not when I fuck you.”

Vav went scarlet again. He started to roll away, but the Mad King caught him and pressed a kiss to the bite mark he’d left on his neck.

“When you’re ready for it,” the Mad King promised, “you’ll be begging for me.”

Fucking Vav would be wonderful, and the wait would only make it sweeter when Vav finally gave in.

“Can I go wash up?” Vav tried to roll away again, and this time, the Mad King let him go. “I’d like to get this off before it all dries in.”

“You know where the bathroom is.”

Vav left and the Mad King fell onto his back, luxuriating in the remnants of his afterglow. It was nice, but he was feeling an odd urge to go and see where Vav was.

 _Why?_ Vav would be back any second, there wasn’t a need to run after him like a lost duckling.

_You nearly lost him today — for good._

_Of course_ , Vav had nearly died. That would explain why the Mad King had been feeling impatient all evening. He got up and went to the bathroom.

Vav was by the sink, scrubbing at his chest hair with a wad of damp toilet paper and scowling.

“Have you been eating glue?” he demanded.

“Not intentionally, but I don’t know what’s in the meals they serve in the institute,” the Mad King said.

Vav sighed. “Gonna need a shower for all this, bog roll’s just not doing it,” he said, throwing the paper into the toilet bowl.

“I have an easier solution.” The Mad King fetched a washcloth from the cabinet and ran it under some warm water. “Let me take care of you, Vav,” he said, when Vav held out his hand for the cloth.

“Uh, ok,” Vav said, eyeing the washcloth with trepidation.

It wasn’t something the Mad King had ever tried before: being kind in the aftermath. It didn’t feel as demeaning as he thought it would; he was still taking charge at the end of the day, just choosing to be nice with it. Vav was initially stiff under the washcloth, but relaxed shortly and didn’t flinch once.

“There you go.” The Mad King rinsed off the washcloth and put it on the side of the sink to dry. He watched Vav carefully in the mirror.

“Cheers,” Vav said. There was a strange softness in his eyes that the Mad King couldn’t decipher in the slightest. He could only hope it wasn’t distress.

“Are you staying the night?” the Mad King asked. He’d assumed that would be the case, but Vav’s expression had him confused and he’d already found his assumptions to be incorrect more than once today.

“Yeah.” Vav smiled and leant up to kiss the Mad King on the cheek, then gave a sudden yawn. “Come on, let’s get back to bed. I’m bloody knackered.”

The Mad King’s bed had never felt too big to him before, but now with Vav bundled under the covers and looking adorable, he wondered if it would when Vav wasn’t there.

“You’re incredible,” the Mad King whispered to Vav, tucking him in tight against his body. He could worry about reading Vav correctly another time, now was for rest and recuperation.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” Vav replied.

The Mad King laughed and nuzzled into Vav’s hair. How had he ever been lucky enough to get such an attractive, willing superhero for a partner?

 

* * *

 

Vav was warm when he woke up. Way warmer than usual. He blinked open bleary eyes and tried to sit up to look around, but couldn’t. Something was clamped across his chest, weighing him down.

Panic struck. Had he not escaped? Had defeating the Corpirate been a fever-dream? Was he still trapped?

Vav calmed down a little as he recognised a mattress and covers — the Corpirate hadn’t sprung for niceties — but then went stock-still as he realised there was someone else in bed with him. He was being spooned from behind, and the weight on his chest was actually an arm. He carefully managed to turn his head to see who it was.

Oh, right. Vav let out a huff of laughter at his own ridiculous paranoia. The Mad King nuzzled closer at the noise, trapping Vav further. Vav wouldn’t have minded, except that moment his bladder decided that he _really_ needed to take a piss.

He extracted himself and made it to the loo with seconds to spare.

As he was washing his hands, Vav caught sight of a red mark on his jawline in the mirror. He looked closer. It appeared to be some kind of rash, tender to the touch. The Mad King hadn’t bitten him there — not that it looked like one of the bites littering Vav’s neck and chest — so what could it be? Vav prodded it again, wincing.

 _Wait_. Was the Mad King clean? Vav hadn’t thought to ask, having obviously not had a chance to catch anything himself before this had started. What if he wasn’t clean and now Vav had caught some kind of face-herpes from his failure of a blowjob last night?

Vav nearly retched, remembering graphic pictures of STI’s that he’d been shown in high school. The rash didn’t look too bad, but this was only the morning after. Was his entire face going to be covered in some kind of oozing, blistery sore?

Why did it have to be on his face? He could’ve hidden it had it been elsewhere. Well, one way or another he was probably going to have to talk to the Mad King about it.

The Mad King was just waking up when Vav returned to the bedroom. He glanced over and smiled at Vav. He looked very good, laid out against the sheets like that, messy-haired with Vav’s own bite high on his chest.

Something warm stirred low in Vav's gut at the sight and he wondered when he'd started to find men attractive, or if he was only enjoying the view because he'd been partly responsible for it.

Either way, it seemed like his demi-homosexual leanings were confirmed.

“Good morning, Vav,” the Mad King said.

“Morning,” Vav replied. He sat down on the edge of the bed and plucked up his courage, “Can we talk?”

The smile fell from the Mad King’s face. He sat up too, covers pooling in his lap, and made an aborted movement to reach over to Vav. “What is it?”

“It’s about… sexual history,” Vav felt immensely proud of himself for getting that out with an even voice.

“Sexual history?” the Mad King echoed, nonplussed, “Is this your way of confessing that you _have_ had a partner before?”

“What? No. Of course I haven’t,” Vav spluttered, “It’s about you.”

The Mad King sat back against the headboard, frowning at Vav. “Is it necessary to talk about this now?” he asked, voice sharp.

He was uncomfortable, Vav realised. He remembered what the Mad King had said last night: “ _sex was always for my pleasure and mine alone_ ”. It hadn’t really registered with Vav what that meant at the time, he’d been too swept up in the moment. The Mad King probably thought that was what Vav was going to question.

They might have to talk about that too. But… not today, not now.

“Did you… were you careful?” Vav asked, “Like, with protection?”

The Mad King’s shoulders relaxed. “Yes, Vav. I’m clean.”

“Well, when did you last check?” Vav pressed.

“After my last partner, before I got involved with you,” the Mad King replied.

“And you’re sure it said you were completely clean?”

The Mad King gave an irritated sigh. “What’s this about, Vav? I’m going to assume there’s a point and you’re not just accusing me for no reason.”

Nervously, Vav tilted his head up and pointed out the rash on his jaw. The Mad King leant forward to look at it, frowning as he caught Vav’s chin in his hand and tilted Vav’s head to put the rash under the light. A strange thrill ran through Vav. A month ago he would’ve been too scared of the Mad King snapping his neck or choking him to allow him to do something like this. And here they were now.

The Mad King suddenly laughed, startling Vav out of his thoughts.

“That’s not an STI,” the Mad King said, amused. He rubbed a hand over the scruff on his own jaw. “It’s just an indicator that I should shave more often.”

“I… What?”

Vav could now recall with perfect clarity a moment last night when the Mad King had leant forward, pressing kisses to Vav’s face and whispering filth into his ear. And all the while, scraping Vav’s skin with his rough stubble.

Vav had just mistaken beard burn for an STI. _Beard burn_. He felt his face heat up.

“Oh,” he said, stupidly.

“Come here,” the Mad King said.

Vav slowly and ungracefully moved over until he was sat in the Mad King’s lap. The Mad King pulled him down into a kiss and _now_ Vav could feel the scratch of stubble around his mouth, threatening to mark the area for all and sundry to see.

“We should’ve had that conversation about sexual health before,” the Mad King said, pulling back and rubbing a gentle thumb along Vav’s rash, “especially before becoming fluid bonded.”

Vav shrugged. “It's not like I would've had anything, and you knew you were clean.”

“Still,” the Mad King pressed a soft kiss to Vav's lips, “communication is important. Neither of us have been in a relationship like this before. You might not believe it — and it probably doesn’t match up with the common folk’s definition of the word — but I _am_ in love with you, Vav. I want to make this work.”

“Right.” Vav didn’t know what else to say. Or rather, he knew what he should being saying, but didn’t really feel like it was the time for it.

It left him with an uneasy feeling that persisted all the way through his morning shower, and was still there when he joined the Mad King in the kitchen for breakfast. He considered staying quiet and letting it sort itself out, but… he wanted this relationship to work too. _Communication_.

“I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop,” Vav admitted through a mouthful of toast and jam, “Like this isn’t really real.”

“X-Ray’s timing wasn’t ideal last time,” the Mad King said, “It’s natural that you have some conflicting feelings about sex and the morning afterward. I should have seen this coming.”

Vav dithered for a bit, before pulling himself together and reminding himself firmly that he was an adult, then went and wrapped his arms around the Mad King.

The Mad King put hesitant arms around Vav. “Something the matter?”

“No,” Vav said into the Mad King’s shoulder, “just wanted a hug.”

Hesitance was still there as the Mad King brought one hand up to cup the back of Vav’s head. It made Vav feel warm and enclosed and _safe_.

Safe, with a supervillain. Who’d have thought it.

“I'm scared, but this is nice,” Vav said.

The Mad King stiffened. “I don’t want you to be scared of me, Vav.”

“I’m not,” Vav reassured him quickly, “I’m just nervous, I guess. About the future and stuff.”

“We can face it together,” the Mad King said, then added, more hesitantly, “If that’s what you want.”

Vav tightened his hold. “Yeah, that’s what I want.”

The Mad King pressed a kiss to the top of Vav’s head. For a moment, the future didn’t matter and everything felt perfect.

Then Vav remembered that they’d have to go to the institute today and spend time working out some kind of deal for the Mad King. And there were probably witness accounts to give to the police against the Corpirate. And interviews with newspapers. And making sure Hilda was okay. And…

Vav determinedly stopped his brain. Breakfast first, figuring out everything else later.

“I've been thinking of acquiring a slaughterhouse as a division of Monarch Labs,” the Mad King said, as they settled back into having breakfast, “I think it will help channel some of my more villainous tendencies into something productive.”

Vav stopped chewing on his bacon butty. He knew, intellectually, that bacon came from pigs, but he didn't like to actually _think_ about the process.

“Sounds good,” Vav said, managing to swallow his mouthful with an awkward cough.

“Vav?”

“It sounds good, really,” Vav insisted, “maybe not mealtime discussion, though.”

The Mad King laughed. “I'll remember that.”

Vav’s stomach decided it didn’t want anymore bacon, so he switched back to toast and jam instead. It went down easier and having something solid in his stomach was making Vav feel better.

He still didn’t think an ‘I love you’ was right just yet, but maybe there was an easier step to take first — Vav’s civilian name was a good way to show he trusted the Mad King after everything.

But was it too soon? Vav found himself far too nervous to even open his mouth. This was stupid, he’d had sex with the Mad King — twice! — so why was he reverting to first-date-with-a-girl mode?

Maybe he should just blurt it out and explain afterwards.

Vav took a deep breath. “It’s G—”

The front door shattered in a burst of red light and X-Ray leapt into the room.

“Vav!”

Vav's heart jumped up into his mouth. Was everything going to come crashing down again? He felt queasy just thinking about it. Everything had been feeling so positive, just like last time.

A glance at the Mad King showed he looked furious. Was this all some plot again? Vav hated himself for thinking it — he’d just been about to share his _name_ for crying out loud — but couldn't shake the feeling.

Maybe he’d been jumping the gun on the name reveal.

“You're going to pay for that,” the Mad King said threateningly.

“Dude, it's just a door.”

“With _expensive_ locks.”

“What is it, X-Ray?” Vav asked, not really wanting an answer, but also not wanting X-Ray and the Mad King to get into an argument.

“Rusty’s just found out there's someone called the Architect rocking into town,” X-Ray said. “Apparently he's up to some nefarious dealings and we need to stop him!”

A weight Vav hadn't known existed lifted off his shoulders. All that trepidation and worry was pointless after all. He turned to the Mad King.

“I'm going to have to cut this short,” he said.

The Mad King smiled and moved over to Vav.

“Go be a hero.” He said, and pressed a kiss to Vav's lips. “I'll see you later.”

“Yeah.” Vav couldn't help his grin. “See you.”

“Can we go now? Or are you two gonna fuck on the table?” X-Ray said impatiently.

The Mad King's smile turned devious. “Now that's an idea.”

“I was joking! _Jeez_.”

“Behave,” Vav chided his boyfriend, blushing.

He extracted himself from the Mad King with one last kiss and followed X-Ray out of the flat.

“You should probably stop breaking down the Mad King's doors,” Vav said, once they were going down in the lift.

“Hey, in my defence, Hilda got ORF to try calling you — they’re fine, by the way, the Corpirate’s goons were no match for them,” X-Ray said. “Did you turn your phone off to bang?”

“Lost it when I was kidnapped, remember?”

X-Ray slapped his forehead. “Right, yeah. Then you decided it was more important to get some D than get a spare.”

“Well…” Vav said.

“Forget it,” X-Ray interrupted quickly, “I don't want to hear about you having sex.”

“Then you don't want to hear about this thing the Mad King does with his tongue —”

“I'm not listening!” X-Ray slammed his hands over his ears. “Lalalalala.”

Vav waited until X-Ray had lowered his hands. “And that's not even mentioning his —”

“LALALALALA!”

Vav laughed. He felt light. Free. He had his best mate, he had a great boyfriend, he had wonderful friends, and the best job in the world.

It was going to be alright.

_X-Ray and Vav — to the rescue!_

**Author's Note:**

> I don't often post on my tumblr, but it's [ireythegnome](http://ireythegnome.tumblr.com/) if you want to ask questions or chat.


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